My fiancé “Jen” (29f) just gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago. She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do. During the day I help with changing or holding her but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle- we have tried several times, but ultimately we are both okay with this).
Anyways, I’m kind of a independent start up video game developer. I did make one video game 2 years ago but it honestly wasn’t that great. So while I do get revenue from it, it’s definitely not much or even a liveable wage. This time around however I’m working with 4 other people and the game is turning out great.
I also work a 9-5. But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé and looking after the baby for awhile, I jump on and work on the game.
For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2am working on the game and I have been ultra tired. I snore like a maniac when I’m tired. It’s super embarrassing because I truly sound like a mack truck. But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy.
Cried way more than normal. It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep. I finally went to bed around 2am and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn’t wake the baby with my snoring. I said no. I was so tired and the couch is not comfortable at all.
I had to work early. I wanted to sleep. She didn’t fight it but she called me a “fucking prick” and walked out of the room with the baby. I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets.
She still won’t talk to me.
Conclusion
The silence speaks volumes as a mother sleeps on the cold floor, her partner’s decision leading to a rift that threatens to shatter their new family. Will this couple overcome the ultimate test of love and sacrifice, or is this the beginning of the end?
Here’s how people reacted:
and anyone who voted you NTA because being “two new stressed out parent” is also an AH.
Do they know what combo is required for a breastfeeding mother to keep & maintain a milk supply. Sleep,not stress, proper diet and water…
The man knows he snores, and snores hard. He willing stayed awake to work on a video game that is NOT his primary income until 2am KNOWING he needed to be up for his full time primary job early in the morning. HE MADE THAT CHOICE. willingly. While he KNEW his daughter got shots and was in a fussy mood, his wife struggled to get the baby down once already…
So he goes in the room and starts snoring and then wakes the baby, and refuses to leave when asked because “hes tired” … aww boo hoo, poor you.
Your wife has no choice to be up with the baby, feed the baby Etc ….
You had a choice to go to bed early and you chose not too..
That aside, are you aware of the % of accidents, baby drops,heighten risk of ppa/ppd that a new mother goes through when sleep deprived ….
Chronic sleep deprivation from a baby using you as their personal milk machine every 90-120 minutes for months at a time, and the overwhelming pressure of being solely responsible for keeping a fussy baby alive with your boobs while you come down from the biggest hormone shift a person can experience in their lives.
YTA. Volunteer to do all the diapers for the next few nights and get some breathe right strips.
Has it ever occurred to you that you’re looking at everything wrong?
Don’t look at your actions as “helping with THE baby” or “looking after THE baby for awhile.”
This is YOUR baby, too! It’s not just your fiancée’s baby and you’re not just a part-time helper!!
Give her a break! Do more with YOUR baby. And enjoy these beautiful moments because they go by so fast.
EDIT: Please get tested for sleep apnea as well as finding out what can help you with the loud snoring. And get an air mattress or something to sleep on when your snoring is too disruptive.
You CHOSE to work on a video game* after full time work hours.
You CHOSE to stay up late.
You CHOSE to be an asshole and insist that your sleep is more important than your partner plus 2mo baby’s quality of sleep.
You CHOSE YOURSELF over your family. You CHOSE an unconstructed video game over them.
They do NOT CHOSE to stay up late nor chose to agree with being woken up because of your poor choices. YTA.
Get your snoring ass out of that bedroom, go to a sleep doctor, and try to dredge up some FUCKING EMPATHY for your fiancé.
YTA.
You might work, and you might be trying hard to make this game thing go…but she’s lost her entire life as she knew it (except you obviously), her identity, her freedom, her sleep, and…her body. It’s really traumatising trying to go through a transformation, but also, keep a human alive, and be sleep deprived, and have to fight with your partner for support.
Roses, her favourite chocolate and a bag of groceries to cook her favourite meal tonight dude, as a minimum. Also run the bath and ask if she would like her feet massaged.
You might do this once a week as well as pitching in more with YOUR baby…watch your relationship turn around 💯