NTA.

In my opinion, everyone should always close the lid on the toilet all the way after use.

Why would you leave it open and up?

All it takes is to accidentally drop 1 thing in there and you’ll close it from then on.

You said it yourself: he has memory problems & you don’t believe he’s leaving it up on purpose. YTA for snapping.

Do you have a soft close toilet seat? My husband used leave the toilet seat in the powder room up (the one guests use), until I got one. The lid & seat don’t slam so he can just knock it down real quick and walk away.

YTA. I’m firmly in the camp of “if you’re not going to make a rule that the lid and seat both go down, you can adjust the seat as you need before you use the toilet.”

He needs it up to pee. You need it down. He needs to put it up, you need to put it down.

Kind of seems easy to just out the seat lid down, I never have understood why this is a,ways such a big deal

This argument is as old as toilets themselves. So if he has to go bad and didn’t check and pissed all over the seat would you be mad at him too? I mean you aren’t checking yourself. I just check myself it takes 2 seconds, 4 of it’s up and you need to put it down. You’re not going to pee yourself in those extra 2-4 seconds. I have been diagnosed with an overactive bladder and i won’t pee myself if i won’t you won’t. I’m going with YTA as your putting everything in him and expecting everything to be set for only yourself not for him.

Do you put the seat up for him when you’re done? I’m only asking since it’s a simple task.

NAH – except yours… in the water.

You need to think of a way to make it light enough to see without waking yourself up. Like a nightlight.

Or have a hard rule that everytime someone uses the toilet *BOTH* lids go down.

It’s not fair for him to have to cater to you.
It’s not pleasant to stick your ass in the water.

Maybe check the lid after he last uses it for the night.

It’s not his fault if his memory fails him.

Automatic lid closer?

Glow in the dark seat.

Glow in the dar nail polish. You could write,

“To pee or not to pee, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation “

YTA it’s not his fault you aren’t checking to see if the toilet seat is up or down before sitting down.

NTA. So far no one has mentioned that you need to put the F****** lid down when you flush!!!

When you flush microscopic drops from the toilet water which has pee/ poo or both in it spread everywhere. There’s a reason there’s a lid on toilets!

YTA, gently- i never understood this argument. Its the same amount of effort for you to put it down that it is for him to put it up. So really, it’d be polite for him to put it down but is it that big of a deal to check, nah not really. This isnt worth fighting.

NTA, but the proper position is seat and lid down before flushing.

Put a motion activated night light in the bathroom so it lights up enough for you to see it or if you have two bathrooms tell him to use the further away one since you have a weak bladder.

YTA a little bit.

You should never snap at him. The bathroom is for both of you, not just you. My older friend has been seeing someone who is a gentleman and he is 80 years old. He made a deal with her. Every time she uses the bathroom she puts the seat back up for him. Every time he uses the bathroom he puts the toilet seat down for her. That sounded pretty brilliant to me.
Now if he has memory issues, make a cute little sign until it becomes habit for both of you. That way both of you are thinking of each other instead of yourself.

However is very advisable to put the top seat down when you flush so keep bacteria from getting in the air. So if you make a practice of doing that, then right after bother of you put it where it should be.

I have visited plenty of single men especially in the course of doing business sometimes I’m in their home. If a man lives alone and the toilet seat is up, I put it down to use it, then put it back up for him. That’s his house after all.

If none of that works, get two bathrooms.

INFO: So if he put the seat down, and then also closed the lid, would you just pee all over the lid because every second is this important?

If every second is this crucial, get a soft glowing night light for the bathroom, no more surprises and you won’t wake yourself up as much as with a regular light.

YTA for snapping and yelling at him because YOU fell in the toilet. Considering he has memory issues and you don’t, it’d much easier for you to remember to lower the seat upon entry than for him to remember to lower it after he’s done peeing.

YTA

I think you should both be doing your best to accommodate each other. He should put the lid down and you should check. But that has nothing to do with my verdict.

I’m saying YTA because this really isn’t something worth yelling over. Like any other couple, you’ll inevitably come across more difficult conflicts and you’ll have to learn how to deal with them without resorting to yelling at each other. If you can’t do this, then this relationship is doomed.

YTA. Are you arms broken? Maybe you have a strained back? If not I see no reason why you can’t put the seat down.

We had a cat that would jump in the toilet if the lid wasn’t down. And we now have dogs we don’t want to drink from the toilets. So we all learned to keep the lid closed. My husband has never left it open since we’ve been living together for close to 10 years. But also since I have to reach for the lid and open it every time if the seat was up I’d catch it, even in the dark (which is also my approach to using the bathroom at night). So maybe try everyone keeps the lid down approach?

NTA (but don’t yell). Maybe he should sit in the cold water every time you do since it’s “not that often”. In the future, maybe don’t do him the courtesy of keeping the light off, since he’s not earned your ability to trust the light being off.

The default of the seat is down, because everyone needs it down to poop regardless of urinary hardware.

Not to mention. If he’s not putting the seat back down, he’s not putting the lid down. Which means he’s spraying your entire bathroom with fecal bacteria every time he flushes.

You’ve already been told that YTA but if it the problem is that you can’t see then why don’t you do something about that?

You can get low-light battery motion-sensor lights that would give you enough light to see but not too much to wake you up.