Could a parent’s need for sleep justify alienating their teenage stepdaughter and turning their in-laws against them?
I (35F) have a stepdaughter (13) who spends every other weekend at my home. My husband and I have 3 kids (4 months, 2 years, and 4 years). My baby is super fussy; it’s been really bad. The doctor said she is okay, she is really colicky. She cries all night long.
The past few months have been a nightmare, working all day and no sleep at night. I am a super light sleeper. I have been canceling our weekends with my stepdaughter so my husband and I can catch up on sleep.
My stepdaughter decided to blast us on social media. She said, “My dad and stepmom can’t even take care of the kids they have. Yet they keep having more.” “So much for a reliable loving parent.”
Followed by my husband’s family asking her what’s wrong, she let them know that we keep canceling on HER time. It’s not just HER time, it’s also her dad’s. It’s been a very difficult situation for both of us. My in-laws are now saying we are the A’s in the situation.
They stopped helping us with the younger kids altogether. Am I the A here? I feel like it’s just circumstances. No one asks for a colicky baby.
Conclusion
With in-laws siding against her and her stepdaughter publicly shaming her family, this mother faces a crisis.
Will she be able to mend the broken trust and navigate the fallout, or is this the beginning of a permanent family fracture?
Here’s how people reacted:
So because you have too many young kids, you guys compensate by ignoring the 13 year old?
Think about what that communicates to them. How that must make them feel. That’s a cry for help. You say yourself that your younger kids are so draining that you can’t expend the energy required to spend time with the 13 year old. Sounds like her assessment was spot on.
She didn’t blast you, she told the truth.
You married someone with a child, he has a responsibility to be in her life and maintain regular contact and visits.
You don’t get to stop that because of your choice to have another kid and being tired. That’s outrageous.
Also, enjoy your time with your husband, but think of some good excuses for your children. In a few years, you guys will split, he will find another terrible women, knock her up, and your kids will be the ones wondering why Daddy doesn’t want to see them.
She’s correct. You and husband are ditching her as the “optional” child.
There is a daughter who is crying out and thinks you don’t care about her. She’s been replaced by a baby. I had one with colic and I feel your pain, however you don’t get to neglect any of your other children because of it. Take turns taking naps.
You all are the adults… And YOU are cancelling your step daughters time with her Dad, which is rare, in order to favor your own kid getting more care. She put you on blast because ya all have been neglecting to raise a child your husband is required to help raise. Which you admit you are doing.
You are the AHs. And your husband is worse because he’s actively refusing to parent one of his own kids and letting you decide he doesn’t need to be in his daughters life. His daughter who he barely sees even in the best of times.
Your husband needs to stop being a deadbeat and show up for his kid.
Every other weekend is barely any time at all.
Your in-laws are hopefully stepping up to spend more time with the kid you are openly neglecting.
If you’re concerned about sleep she’s right, you shouldn’t be having more kids. You’re showing her that she’s not as important to you and her father as the kids you have. You only see her every other weekend and you can’t even manage that? kinda pathetic.
And what’s worse to me, Is that you as the step mom are deciding to cancel her time with her dad. That’s not up to you, she’s still his child and she shouldn’t be taking a backseat bc he got a do-over at having a happy little family.
As far as I’m concerned, the decision to cancel isn’t up to you and it should be up to her dad to suck it up and spend quality time with his daughter.
You complain as if having kids is easy. Having kids is all about compromises. I bet if she was your bio daughter you wouldn’t be putting her on the back burner bc you’re tired.
You suck and props to your step daughter for calling you out on it. Sure doing it over social media might have been immature but it’s pretty par for the course for a 13 year old.
I’m so sorry about what you’re dealing with with the baby. That’s incredibly rough.
But shunting your husband’s child to the side like she’s a toy to be picked up or set aside at your whim, when it’s convenient to you, is absolutely awful. Of course this girl’s upset.
And why is your husband on board with this? Gross.
Your stepdaughter is getting the impression that Dad wants to play around with the shiny new baby and put aside his old family which he now just can’t be bothered with *because that’s exactly the impression you two are giving through your actions.*
It *is* her time. It is her time with *her father.* It is your husband’s time with *his* daughter. But he just can’t be bothered to take it. He’s the adult in the relationship, and she’s a literal child. The responsibilities are his. Not hers.
She’s not responsible for ensuring visitation, he is. She’s not responsible for her colicky infant half-sister. So stop punishing her for it. Do not be *that* stepparent.
The irony in you complaining about your in-laws not helping with your kids when you and your husband ignore his oldest.
How can you not seen that? Custody isn’t something you cancel. It’s not a luxury you pick and choose.