AITA For telling my husband it’s disgusting he doesn’t wipe after going to the bathroom?

A newlywed’s dream quickly turned into a bathroom nightmare, revealing a cultural clash that threatened to derail their picture-perfect marriage. What started as a minor misunderstanding about bathroom hygiene escalated into a full-blown conflict, leaving one partner questioning everything. Could this seemingly small difference in habits be the biggest test of their vows?

I (39 F) have a husband who we’ll call Adam (37 M) who is Indian-Saudi Arabian American and this will be relevant later on in the story. I am Swedish-American.

Adam and I got married 7 months ago, and we only moved in together after we got married due to Adam’s religious reasons. Three weeks into our marriage, everything was absolutely flawless. Until this one issue started to appear. Adam doesn’t use paper after using the bathroom; instead, he uses water.

I learned this after I questioned the fact that there was always some water left on the toilet seat after him.

This argument sounds stupid, but it’s genuinely bothering me.

He explained to me how washing is a lot better and effective than wiping, which I can somewhat understand, but I told him it’s absolutely disgusting to not wipe because I don’t wanna sleep next to someone who is unhygienic. Adam does all the grocery shopping, so after this, he completely stopped buying toilet paper.

I told him that if he was mad at my comment, he could have told me, but to stop forcing me into his habits.

He told me that washing is a norm in India and the Middle East. Then he shrugged and told me to buy toilet paper with my own money because why would I want his money if he is “So unhygienic” anyway, which is absolutely ridiculous since Adam is the breadwinner and provides for all necessities in the household while I have quit my job to take a break.

He told his sister about the matter because just a few minutes ago, she blasted me on Facebook. So, AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

withthebrie

YTA. Washing with water is actually more hygienic than toilet paper, and is very common around the world, even in Europe (that’s what bidets are for!)

THE_Barbra_Queen

I guarantee his hoop is pristine, compared to your rusty barking spider, because he washes it, instead of just removing surface ‘material’ and grinding the rest into his skin. Do you ‘wipe’ your crockery clean, or do you wash it? Which way do you think is cleaner and more hygienic?

The only thing you’ve got a right to be peeved at is the water on the toilet seat. YTA.

StoreyStories

YTA
first: this is a practice done in his ethnic and racial background. you wouldnt tell a chinese or japanese person that they HAVE to keep their shoes on in the house, would you?
second: he only stopped buying toilet paper After you insulted him so your frustration with him no longer buying TP is only happening because you insulted him in the first place.
third: he’s right and washing is actually better than wiping

NUT-me-SHELL

YTA. Is his ass clean? Cool. Then how it got that way doesn’t really matter, does it?

Demoniokitty

YTA. A lot of us wash butt then hands after both with soap and think wiping with only paper to smear around is dirty. Most of asia and europe already on bidet because everyone know it’s better. Stop being judgemental especially when you are in the wrong. And yes, your husband is right, buy your own clean paper. If you think he’s too dirty for you, don’t sleep next to him. Leave.

CrazyBoPeep

YTA for calling him absolutely disgusting but then expecting him to still pay for your tp

Bosconino

This confuses me. Let’s say you slip and land hands first in dog crap. Do you a) get a bit of tissue, wipe it off and go about your day or b) use water to clean your hands thoroughly?

Which of the two is more hygienic for you?

Mundane-Grape9985

Yta. It’s a lot better to wash than wipe after a poop. Grow up

TCGislife

YTA he uses water like a fair few people in the world do so how is he unclean? You’d have a point if he literally wasn’t cleaning his arse.

Shitsuri

If you didn’t know until you asked, it obviously works. YTA

Bozartkartoffel

ESH

You were ignorant towards other cultures’ habits. There is nothing wrong with washing btw, it’s as effective as wiping, if not even better. So your “unhygienic” statement is factually wrong.

He definetly shouldn’t have told anybody else about your private dispute and shouldn’t have tried to force you into his habits.

And I think I don’t need to talk about his sister shaming you on FB…

B4pangea

I tend to agree with Adam, washing your backside with water probably leaves it cleaner than just wiping with paper.

Certainly calling your husband “unhygienic” – ie unclean – is not going to be received well.

Sorry, YTA.

Spybackbstab2021

ESH. You’ve been fairly rude about this. Calm down. It’s disgusting that water is on the seat that has been up his bum. Him NOT buying you toilet paper like that is rude and controlling. You need to deal with this properly. You should also apologize for being so rude.

Ecstatic-Product-69

Umm YTA. Many cultures use water to clean up after using the washroom. You can use what you’d like on your bottom but others have the same choice to make.

Icy-Introduction-359

i think yta, isn’t he right? washing is more effective, but i would agree that not buying tissue paper just because he doesn’t use it is an ah move

heatherlincoln

This is why you should live with someone before marriage, religion is a stupid excuse.

gingasmurf

YTA, if you’re that bothered install a bidet for him and you keep using toilet roll but he is far more hygienic than you tbf…

Buttcavetroll

YTA, you accuse him for unhygienic but did you ever consider if bird pooped on your forehead, is it enough to just wipe it? No, so does with your butt, it’s better to clean it with water and soap then wash your hands with water and soap too after that.

But for myself it’s better to wipe after clean my butt with water and soap, to dry it.

He didn’t buy the toilet paper because he buy the groceries and provide you with any necessities, and in the end what did you do? Accuse him for being unhygienic.

Partial-Stranger

YTA
It is more hygienic, just because it is culturally different from you doesn’t make it ‘disgusting’, you’re married to this man why would you berate him like this instead of talking if you were so genuinely concerned? You need to mature and inform yourself about other cultures norms

GardenDivaESQ

YTA if the entire subcontinent of India is doing this he’s not unhygienic. Have you never heard of a bidet? He’s getting himself clean. BUT tell him you need toilet paper. It’s a cultural difference and you should both be allowed to do what you want.

Conclusion

The story ends with a shocking public accusation and a deep divide between the newlyweds. As the dust settles, the question remains: was this a simple matter of differing customs, or a sign of deeper incompatibility? The internet is left to decide if this wife was in the wrong, or if her husband’s actions crossed a line.