I (21F) have a friend Kenny (22F) that speaks in a very harsh way and sometimes seems like she is clueless to social cues, and what should be said and what shouldn’t. She has a bit of a difficult home life and has some psychological issues, so I try my best to be patient with some stuff but I’m not a very calm person and I tend to explode easily.
This being said, Kenny had already gotten in a bit of a pickle with another friend of ours, Amanda, because of the way she spoke to her. At that time Amanda and I explained to Kenny that although she might not have ill meaning behind the words, or she might not want to be rude, it doesn’t mean that her words are any less hurtful and she should mind the way she speaks to others.
The other day I was getting on a plane and Kenny told me the previous plane hadn’t even landed, it got to the destination and then came back, which is the worst possible thing to tell someone about to travel. When I asked why she would say that (it’s not like I could do anything with the information, it just got me nervous), she said “because I like to be mean, hihi”.
But I let it go because I didn’t want to seem sensitive by getting angry at that so I let it go.
But a couple days after I was texting the groupchat we have together about how a guy I’ve had a crush on since the summer had shown interest in me, and how we had talked about “getting together”. I was really happy telling my friends about it and Kenny goes “Lol he must get with many girls”.
I found that extremely unnecessary given that she knew I had a crush on him for a long time and given that I was saying how happy I was, it seemed like she was just trying to piss on my parade, so I said “sometimes you say shit that are completely beyond me, it’s like you don’t have the capability to understand the shit you’re saying, it’s odd.
Like, I was clearly very happy.”
She got really angry, said she was joking, told me to bang my head against the wall and left the group. I haven’t talked to her since and honestly I might talk to her just so there is no tension but Amanda already stays away from her because of the way she is painfully unaware of how she hurts people’s feelings with her words and I’m thinking of doing the same
So, AITA? Did I just overreact?
Conclusion
Did this friendship survive the brutal honesty? The explosive exchange had lasting consequences, leaving one friend questioning everything. You’ll be shocked by the final decision!
Here’s how people reacted:
She can say shitty things and hide behind that she was “joking” even though it hurts you and other people, but you tell her that it’s rude and hurtful and now she’s mad at you? Sounds like distance sounds like a good thing.
NTA
Whether she has “psychological issues” or not that make it hard for her to understand social norms and cues, the comment about the guy you liked wasn’t related to social cues, it was plain old nasty and belittling.
The plane info I could give a pass to, it may be less obvious to her that you don’t need to share that kind of info when it could cause stress for no reason.
Personally, I would ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship that you want to continue or not.
With the multiple instances Kenny has spoken/responded in a careless manner even on legitimate topics, I understand that a line must be drawn where enough is enough. It’s clear that you were fed up with her, had enough of her harsh comments and needed to draw that very line. Many people would have reacted similarly if they were in your shoes, and you had been holding back the previous times Kenny did her “antics,” for lack of a better word or phrase.
Things could have gotten worse, but it’s certainly not the best outcome, either.
You mentioned Kenny having psychological issues due to how she lived, and if her commentary is connected to these issues, it wouldn’t be unwise to suggest that she seek help from a professional psychologist so that issues like these can be prevented in the future. Whether she accepts that she needs help and is willing to take the necessary steps to become a better person, however, is another matter.
Additionally, no amount of rough background gives someone permission to act like this to others. Especially those that are supposedly friends and that she cares about. She needs to be a better person and you don’t need that kind of behavior in your life.
She knows what she’s doing is mean, she just doesn’t care. Some people thrive on the misery of others.