Never thought my life would come to this, but here we are. Me (M24) and my GF Rachel (F26) have moved in together after about a year and a half of dating. We’ve been moved in for two weeks.
I was living with my parents and saving money from my first job, while she had an apartment since she’d been working longer. I was reluctant to move into an apartment with a SO that wasn’t ‘mine,’ but we are really compatible and I figured it would work.
And it has, with one exception. Rachel keeps on using the toilet when I am in the shower, or when I am shaving, brushing my teeth, anything else in the bathroom.
The first time, she came in to pee while I was shaving. I was a bit uncomfortable and asked what she was doing, but shook it off since it was the first time and she hasn’t done it before. But over the next few days, she kept coming in to pee while I was already in there.
I told her I didn’t like it, but she accused me of being immature about a natural bodily function.
Well, shit hit the fan last night. I was showering after a long day of work when Rachel came in. I expected her to pee and be out quickly, but it became very audibly (and nostril-ly) apparent that it was a number two. And a very long… wet one. There’s no way not to be gross here.
I started yelling from the shower about how gross it was to do this while I am in there. She accused me again of being immature and told me to spend the night at my parents’. All while shitting her brains out.
My real frustration is that our place has 1.5 bathrooms. The half bathroom has a toilet and a sink. She could easily go in there, but says she lived here first and wants to use the master.
AITA? I told two friends. One (a guy) said to suck it up, but my best female friend agreed this was weird and said it wasn’t a gender thing. I’m lost here.
Conclusion
The situation reached a breaking point, leading to a dramatic ultimatum and a night away from their shared home. Will this couple overcome their drastically different bathroom boundaries, or is this the sign that their relationship is headed for an uncomfortable flush down the drain?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’ve been very tolerant of this type of thing in the past and it tends to kill the romance.
You’ve asked her not to use the toilet while you’re in the room and she’s completely refused to respect your request. The fact that there’s another toilet means that she’s doing it deliberately as a power move, further evidenced by the “I lived here first” claim to rights.
This all says so much about her personality. I’d break up with her.
This whole story would have been gross even if there’d be just one bathroom. Her accusations of you being immature are offensive. Worse even since she obviously never matured to the point where she learned to hold it back for some minutes (something most of us had to achieve in elementary school).
But pulling off one gross stunt after another while having a second bathroom with a toilet in it, is beyond weird. It is batshit crazy …. or in that case: girlfriendshit crazy.
That is not a matter of a lack of potty training. This girl has issues.
You can’t tell me, this is her one single bad habbit.
I was very close to saying N A H. Everyone has their comfort zone when it comes to the bathroom. She is more open and free about it, and you prefer privacy for bodily functions. Neither of you is wrong about it.
But she became the AH when you expressed your discomfort about using the toilet in front of each other and she disregarded your feelings and preferences. This is especially true because there is another toilet for her to use, so it’s disrespectful to you.
My cats have more respect for bathroom boundaries than your girlfriend. NTA.
You are a guest in her home, not a co-resident. Please make couples counseling a requirement for continuing the relationship.
You are not comfortable with it and you shouldn’t be belittled because of that. She is in the wrong to repeatedly put you into uncomfortable situations and then berate you afterward about it. You should think of sitting down to have a serious discussion with her explaining that you don’t want her to invade that space, it’s uncomfortable for you, and she should respect that. If you come at her from a more serious discussion, she might come to understand that it is a boundary she needs to respect and she’ll be okay with that. If she isn’t, then that is a bad trait of hers. She should have more respect for her partner’s boundaries.
I would maybe give her a pass if it was an emergency, but you have an extra bathroom!! She’s being weird.
Toilet times are not to be shared. (Unless you’re into that kinda thing😬)
I would be, and have been in past relationships, cool with my bf using the loo while I’m in the shower, IF:
1.) They’re close to tears/in tears because they’re desperate
2.) I have a shower curtain or something so the view doesn’t ruin my shower time.
3.) It is only a wee.
Otherwise absolutely not.
My bf (now hubby) and I spent many years in a place with one small bathroom. I’d be in the tub and he’d have to pee. That first pee of the day is quite… odorous and I’d be basically at nose level. I’d shut the shower curtain and get on with it. Eventually he figured out that it stunk less if he sat down. We tried to avoid poops when the other was using the bathroom, unless it was a big emergency. It’s not immature, it’s just having mutually agreed upon boundaries.
I’d reassert my position on this one, put a lock on the bathroom door, or move the hell out.
That is disgusting. If it was a quick pee whatever. If she was doing her make up or brushing teeth nit a big deal. But to take a poop when there is a perfectly good bathroom elsewhere? That’s just gross. No one wants to smell your poop while they take a shower.
I’d be pissed at that too unless it was the only available bathroom and they really couldnt hold it.
I have zero interest hearing AND seeing that from my partner while I’m in the bathroom doing whatever I’m doing.
If someone is sick and needs help with whatever bodily functions and/or if there’s only one bathroom and it’s an emergency – fair enough, I can look past that.
It’s not a gender thing, I don’t know any woman who does this. The gf here is just being inconsiderate and spiteful for some unknown reason. There’s another bathroom. There are no emergencies. She isn’t sick. There’s no reason for her to do this. Peeing – fair enough, I wouldn’t care much. But this situation – come on.
You are not being immature. She can roll her eyes at your boundaries if she wants, but they are still your boundaries and she should accept and respect them.
NTA.
However….I am probably biased because I hate it too! But, unlike your girlfriend, my husband also wants his privacy while in the bathroom.
We’ll both announce to each other if we will be in the bathroom for a while (showering or whatever) to give the other person an opportunity to use it before.
But to add, if there were an ’emergency’, neither one of us would get upset if one had to go in and use the toilet.
I guess lock the door?
I understand there are emergencies but when you said there’s another bathroom… Maybe set up shaving, teeth brushing etc for yourself in the other bathroom and see how she responds.
You guys need to talk about this and set the boundaries.
You both need to erase the fact that she was there first or it’ll never be your home.
When my now wife, then GF, moved into my apartment first thing we did was replace a bunch of furniture, just some cheap ikea stuff, but we had to make it ours not mine. It was a good way for us to make that adjustment and I think it worked.
Just like a couple of things. But it anchors the space for the newcomer