My immediate family and I live overseas from my original family.
Recently my sister came visiting us, staying at our apartment, etc.
I have two daughters: 15-year-old Charlotte and 12-year-old Colette.
Today we went out to the city and bought something to eat. Halfway through Charlotte’s meal (she was the only one eating), her aunt kept nagging and persuading Charlotte (only) to go down to the supermarket with her. She gave in and went with her.
They pressed the intercom to get back, and I opened the door for them. I felt really strange when they still hadn’t come up after 15 minutes. I went downstairs and found them sitting in the lobby, with Charlotte teary-eyed. I was equally angry at both of them but lashed out at my daughter only.
I told Charlotte to get a shower, and she did, staying in there for 1.5 hours. She didn’t even come out when I banged on her door. She stayed in her room and went without dinner.
Later, in Colette’s room, I discovered a note from Charlotte. She said, “So what happened is that when Aunt wanted to buy a huge packet of chips for Uncle as a souvenir kind of gift, I said, ‘That shampoo would of course be better as a gift; the chips is too unhealthy for one person to eat.'” Then, her aunt reprimanded her for being “so freaking double standard” as her aunt brought my daughters a lot of snacks as well, for making queries.
The reprimanding went on for at least 10 minutes, and then her aunt proceeded to harshly lecture Charlotte, mainly about how jealous it is between the girls and how rude they are for making “queries” at each other when they have different opinions. But this has never caused issues.
She also called the girls “entitled babies,” especially Charlotte.
Aunt scolded Charlotte for making me carry all the bags, but this is not the case when she is able to come with me to shop for food, so Charlotte pointed out that she helps out with bags. The scolding only got worse because Charlotte used the word “help.” Her aunt scolded her that it is Charlotte’s responsibility to carry bags as she eats the most, but she wrote that she didn’t mean she was volunteering by “help.”
However, her aunt told me that Charlotte just randomly cried when she was talking about basic life stuff. I am inclined to believe her as the adult.
The letter also mentioned something about her aunt saying she has “talked to” Colette as well and that she is being fair.
Charlotte also complained that her aunt “over-praises” Colette in front of her, then overpraises her in front of Colette.
Fast forward to tonight during dinner. Charlotte completely ignored her aunt and pulled a long face. I scolded Charlotte for being so impolite to her aunt. AITA?
Conclusion
What started as a fun day out ended in a cryptic note and a daughter’s prolonged distress, leaving one parent questioning their own reaction. The shocking revelations of a hurtful lecture and manipulative praise left the family reeling, and the mystery of the daughter’s tears remains.
Did a simple shopping trip push a teenager to her breaking point, or was it all an elaborate manipulation? The truth behind the tears and the ensuing silence reveals a shocking family dynamic that will leave you questioning everything.
Here’s how people reacted:
Ehm, why? Why is anger your first response in this situation? After 15 minutes you were understandably worried so you went to check on them, found your daughter crying and without even knowing why you decided to scream at her?! She then continued crying and skipped dinner. I skipped dinner a lot too at fifteen, a lot, and never for a good reason: it was either because I felt incredibly sad, or because somebody made me feel insecure about my weight and I felt the need to starve myself as a result. And I think there are a lot of unhealthy dynamics with food going on here too: it is her responsibility to carry stuff because she eats the most? What does that even mean? And because of how much she eats she doesn’t deserve any help?
> Charlotte also complained that aunt “over-praises” Colette in front of Charlotte then overpraises her in front of Colette.
Nice way of creating inferiority complexes on the kids and pitting them against each other. At least the kids are not buying it and still tell each other stuff (while you had to snoop around their stuff because you couldn’t even be bothered to talk to your kid), but if your sister’s actions don’t stop the kids will eventually start to resent each other. And how could they not when this is how they’re treated?
> She also called the girls “entitled babies”, especially Charlotte.
Wonderful. The aunt literally calls them names as if she was a middle school bully, but your daughter is the “impolite” one.
How could you write all this and still think your daughter is the asshole?
How badly have you raised her for her to not deserve an ounce of respect and trust? She is fifteen, not three. She has the ability to li same as your sister. And honestly it sounds like she sucks.
YTA
You’ve failed as a parent.
Just because aunt is an adult doesn’t mean she’s correct and isn’t lying to you.
The fact your daughter felt the need to write you a note and leave it in her sisters room should tell you that it did actually happen as shes scared to say anything infront of aunt, which makes me believe that this has been ongoing for a while.
I wouldn’t put it past aunt to constantly bully and belittle Charlotte when you’re not around.
You should asked privately what is happening. You have to talk to her and really listening to her, not only believing her aunt because she’s an adult. There are adult with bad intentions.
It doesn’t matter if your daughter has a tendency to cry but I don’t think is ok and normal for her aunt scolding her for everything.
Your daughter is seing you are not standing for her, instead just punishing her for what you are hearing from her aunt. That’s unfair.
You are going to have a bad relationship for not helping her.
Here’s my take for you:
– Scold your daughter when you don’t know the whole situation. You should have remained neutral and try to deescalate situation.
– Believing your sister’s word more just because she is an adult. Your daughter is 15 years, not a 5 years old. And even if she’s a 5yo, you should have considerate her account of the story and her feeling.
ESH except Charlotte-and WTF, Colette couldn’t wait to go shopping till Charlotte finished eating? Because going down to the supermarket was so urgent?
Your sister should NOT be disciplining your children in your own house and surroundings. She is overstepping boundaries.
And I’m pretty sure if someone berated you you wouldn’t wanna talk to them either so what your fucking problem mate.
That makes absolutely no sense to me. Charlotte’s note is very specific. I would accept a specific account over a vague, general account.
>Fast forward to tonight during dinner, Charlotte completely ignored aunt and pulled a long face. I scolded Charlotte for being so impolite to her aunt.
YTA. I might think better of you scolding Charlotte at dinner IF you had permitted her to yell at her aunt directly in an act of righteous indignation, or you had sided with Charlotte publicly or privately in some other way. Or at a bare minimum least defended your sister’s intentions rather than her actions to Charlotte. I believe Charlotte’s version of events is credible, your sister 100% deserves to be snubbed or criticized directly by either Charlotte or you, and by not giving Charlotte an outlet to express or find a healthy way to repress her very legitimate feelings, I believe you set her up for failure.
This situation is disgraceful. You automatically side with your sister and make no effort to find out what happened. You don’t speak with your children about what happened privately, but humiliate them by telling them off if they express any dissatisfaction. I don’t know if the girls father is in the scene, but I hope he intervenes.
When an adult tells-off a child (not their own) for ten minutes – BULLYING. When an adult tries to set children against each other – BULLYING. When your sister LIED about how she spoke to Charlotte – COWARDLY. When your kid hides in the shower for 90 minutes – GET HER HELP
Your sister should be removed from the house and NEVER be left with your daughters again.
Your daughters should NEVER have to speak to her or see her again. Their choice.
Charlotte needs a chance to talk to someone she trusts, ideally a therapist. Not you – you need to rebuild the relationship. If possible, explain to your parents and ask them to pay. Your sister deserves some consequences.
\*You\* need to apologise to both children, but Charlotte in particular. Neither child should feel any pressure to accept your apology until you MAKE AMMENDS. At present you have done nothing to deserve this.
1. you made your daughter STOP eating her food to accompany and adult to the story… WTF?!?!? why couldn’t your sister not wait till she was done. Why didn’t you offer to go with her why did it have to Charlotte right then?
2. You got worried and went looking for your daughter and sister to find your daughter in TEARS!!!!!!! and your first reaction is to scold her?!?!? WTF kind of parenting is that?
3. You believed your sister because she is the adult?!?!? Do you believe every adult who abuses a minor is innocent because the adult says they didn’t do it???????
4. Your daughter wrote a note for her sister because you have done such a shitty job that she doesn’t feel that is is SAFE to tell you anything!!!
5. Why in this whole post do you put your sister over your daughter EVERYTIME?
I will not be surprised when you post in a few you asking why your daughter went NC with you. I will give you a preview to the answer. YOU FAILED AS A PARENT.