My SIL does crochet; it’s literally become her personality. She started doing it after her and my brother experienced a 2nd-trimester loss earlier in the year. Now she does it everywhere. I work in the same place she does, and I’ve seen her crocheting at her desk during her breaks and lunch.
My brother says it’s how she relaxes; apparently, it helps calm her busy mind.
Every week or so, we have family dinners over at my parents’ house. Since SIL has been crocheting, she brings it with her. She just sits in the corner after dinner working on a project. My brother often sits with her, and they’ll talk quietly. Both her and my brother are quite introverted.
If she ends up sitting with my wife or another sister-in-law, she’s crocheting.
I recently invited her and my brother to watch a film at mine, and again, she was sat crocheting through the whole film. It’s rude because she’s not paying attention to anyone.
Tonight, my brother posted a picture of them where they were out having a couple of drinks in the pub. Yet again, she was crocheting; it was on the table in the picture. In the comments, she was joking with her friends that she’ll be able to see where on her WIP that she got drunk, as it’ll be all dropped stitches, and she’ll have to start again.
Her social media is full of posts about crochet, about what she’s working on, the yarn or patterns she’s bought, or the trips she and my brother take to go to specific yarn stores. I’ve had enough of her being rude, and I commented under the post that it was rude that she kept crocheting everywhere, and she needed to stop being so antisocial all the time.
She didn’t comment back, but one of her friends did, telling me to eff off and that she can crochet wherever and whenever she wants. I responded by saying, in that case, crocheting is banned in my house, so she’ll have to socialize in the future. My brother deleted my comments before SIL got to see them.
I know this because he told me when he messaged me, telling me that I was being a prick, and her crocheting wasn’t hurting anyone. He said that she’s currently crocheting all the time because she’s making gifts for family and friends – BS, because we don’t do gifts for adults in the family anymore.
He told me that they wouldn’t be coming around anyone until I apologized to SIL. I’m not apologizing because it’s rude not to be giving people your full attention.
AITA for telling my SIL that it’s rude to crochet everywhere?
Conclusion
The yarn has been pulled, and the project is far from over. Will this family mend their stitches, or will the conflict unravel completely? The ending will leave you speechless and questioning everything!
Here’s how people reacted:
But I think it’s great that you’ve said she can’t come to your house, because it will give her more time with her husband and with people who are kind to her.
You sound awful in general, so I’m not sure anyone should listen to your idea of what is rude.
Crocheting while watching a film isn’t rude. Crocheting on work breaks isn’t rude. Crocheting in a living room during a casual family get together isn’t rude. Being a quiet introvert isn’t rude. Having a hobby you enjoy and talking about it on social media isn’t rude, and it’s pretty much what social media is for.
She is actively participating in events with family and with friends. She’s joking with friends. She sounds like she’s doing fine.
Being controlling and insulting is rude though. You’re rude.
>its literally become her personality.
That line alone is exclusively used by AHs so I could’ve stopped reading right there but I kept going anyway
People can crochet and pay attention to other things at the same time, that’s just a fact
>we don’t do gifts for adults in the family anymore.
Well, they don’t give *you* gifts anymore
She experienced a second trimester pregnancy loss, and picked up crocheting as a way to keep her mind busy
You have NO right to comment, on her hobbies, or her reproductive ANYTHING
Have you even checked in on her mental health?
Chances are, if she’s bringing her crocheting everywhere, like work, and to bars, because she “needs to keep her mind busy” she needs a friend to talk to, not your busy body self judging her and being an AH for… what? Her coping mechanism?
For how she is chosing to grieve, and keep herself busy after losing a probably very much planned, very much wanted, very much loved pregnancy?
To reiterate
Y T A
Stop being judgemental, Jesus
“Made crochet her personality” oh fuck off with that shit right there. She’s doing nothing that interferes with your life, and she’s honing a really useful skill.
Tell me OP, what can *you* do? Or is your personality just being a judgey asshole?
First of all, her crocheting doesn’t hurt you in any way. Secondly, believe it or not, some people actually focus better when they’re doing something with their hands. You say she doesn’t pay any attention to what’s going on around her, but that could actually be when she’s the most attentive.
Banning crocheting from your house when she visits is not going to make her more social. If anything, it’ll just make her clam up and feel awkward.
Unless she has absolutely no family of her own, you also have NO idea whether she is making items for her family, and maybe even members of your family who actually treat her decently (which obviously excludes you.)
If it isn’t obvious, YTA.
Your comment was none of the three. The only situation where you would possibly have a reason to ask her to stop is if you’re being jabbed by the hook or strangled by the yarn. You are extremely rude and and cruel, and YTA.
This isn’t even your business and if you don’t like pics of her crocheting everywhere, curate your social media.
And when you have to see her crocheting in the corner at family dinners or in the break room at work, sit there and keep eating your food.
Look, the one thing I would possibly give you is crocheting during the movie, *if* it was distracting or disruptive to others who were trying to watch. I get distracted easily by the movement and I know others do too.
Other than that, her crocheting isn’t hurting anyone, it brings her joy, it’s soothing, and it probably lets her be in social contexts where she might otherwise feel too uncomfortable.
If you want to banish her from your house because you can’t bear not having her full attention all the time, that’s your prerogative, but damn do you sound ridiculous. As for telling her what she “needs” to do with anyone other than you, it’s absolutely none of your business and you need to zip it.
She’s not annoying you or actively seeking you out and talking about crochet. You’re the one choosing to be annoyed. Maybe take her best friend’s advice.
Crocheting for the most part is very rote.
I’ll bet your sil can still socialize while she’s doing it.
She’s also an introvert, so it’s possible she feels better doing something as opposed to just sitting there mute.
Leave her alone. It’s not as if you need her to pay attention to whatever it is that’s going on as if it’s the most important issue ever.
I crochet all the time, and I can also hold a full conversation or watch a movie while reading subtitles. Unless you’re doing a very intricate pattern, it’s ridiculously easy to talk or watch something.
She’s not hurting you.
Crocheting is clearly calming “busy work” that gives her something to focus on other than her pain. Add to that, your brother said she’s making gifts for people and you STILL make it about you. She’s not being rude, you are. I’m so glad your brother deleted the comment before she could read it. I’m glad they’re going LC with you until you apologize because clearly you are bad for her mental health. You need to do better.