Background: My dad died when I was 7 years old. My mom remarried when I was 9. I’m now 16. My mom’s husband, which is what I call him because I do not feel he deserves the title of stepdad or dad, came into the relationship with some clear jealousy. He told my mom to take down all the photos of my dad in our house, bringing up that it felt like dad’s house vs his, even though mom and I had moved prior to their marriage and after my dad died.
So it was never my dad’s house. He then made a big deal out of me having so many photos of my family and my parents in my room. I told him I liked looking at them and I liked having the memories near. He said I could put photos of my dad away, so he wasn’t intruding on our family.
I told him I didn’t like him (I was 9) and he wasn’t going to take my dad from me.
He kicked my grandparents aka dad’s parents out of our house when I was 10, because they brought me some childhood photos of dad. He went crazy saying he didn’t want photos of “that man” in his house. I never did forgive him for that.
He told me to stop bringing up my dad. One time mom and I were talking about dad on his birthday and he said it was disrespectful and he didn’t want to feel like he was competing with a ghost. My mom ended the conversation and she apologized to him. But I was pissed off at him more than anything.
He was such an ass to friends of our family who knew my dad. Any time someone commented that I was getting more like him he would scowl at them and tell them to move the conversation along because “talking about a dead man” was uncomfortable for most people.
He used the line once that he was the only dad I ever had and I told him that was not fucking true and he was never going to be worthy of being my dad.
Anyway, that’s a lot of background but not all since I don’t have unlimited typing space. My mom’s birthday was Saturday and her husband threw her a party. Midway through he gives me a “gift”. Inside was a photo of himself that he wanted me to put in my room and adoption papers.
I tossed the adoption papers in the trash. He saw what I did which led him to make a comment about not being able to toss away the truth. I got mad so fucking fast. I told him to get over himself. That his jealousy and insecurity was not my problem and I would never let him legally become my father, that I didn’t even want him married to my mom and he was a disgusting asshole.
Everyone heard what I said.
He’s still furious. My mom was upset by his anger. Almost everyone left after I yelled.
AITA?
Conclusion
In a dramatic confrontation, years of simmering resentment explode, leaving a family fractured. The teenager makes an unforgettable stand, declaring their unwavering loyalty to their deceased father and rejecting any claim to a new familial bond. The fallout is immediate and explosive, leaving everyone to question the true meaning of family and belonging.
Here’s how people reacted:
What in the flying fuck is wrong with that guy? Why is he even still in the house? Why is your mom still with him?
That guy has some BIIIG ass issues.
My daughter (she’s 10 now).. her dad died when she was 7, and this post literally INFURIATES me.
I was newly married to someone else when my daughter’s father died, but me & her dad were married for 6 years & were still best friends & family.
My husband at the time and his family actually started pulling this crap too…saying it’s disrespectful to even talk about him to my daughter just weeks after he passed, etc.
So I left him within 6 months and moved out of state! Now I have pics of her dad all over my apartment, and I refuse to date until she’s at least 18.
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss :’(
You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and I’m so proud of you for sticking up for yourself! I wish your mother would understand how you both deserve better, and there are men out there who will honor your dad.
*Sending hugs* stay strong!
you’ve been very brave and very strong. That man is such an idiot, and i hope that you’re able to move out soon. Your mom is the one at fault here. She has failed to protect you from this sort of stupid insecurity. I can only imagine the verbal tirades she gets if she happens to mention your dad. That man should never have gotten together with a widow if he’s so insecure.
I hope you will stay strong and be able to move out to school or work. Also, to be safe, i’d pack up all of your precious stuff from your dad and keep it safe in your room (take pictures of everything as proof of what you secured). This was those things are safe from the petty man. You deserve the space to honor and love your father’s memories. Your mother sucks big time for ever letting this guy dictate how you two cherish and preserve his memories.
Be well OP, you’re awesome for standing up for yourself and your truth.
She refuses to stand up for you and has chosen a relationship over protecting you and allowing you space to remember your Dad and this isn’t ok. NTA
As soon as you can, get as far away from him as you can and don’t look back. To lose your day would be painful enough without someone like that then coming into your life. I hope you’ll find a really good therapist or counselor when you’re able to help you process the abuse and trauma. Bet your dad would be really proud of all you for standing up for yourself. Xo
Your dad will be so proud of who you are BTW x keep being you x
He has a lot of issues if he feels threatened by a dead man. Like, what is there to compete for?
He also has a lot of nerve wanting to adopt you after the way he has treated you.
I feel sorry for your mother for putting up with him. Stand your ground every time something is mentioned about your dad.
Have you ever spoken to your mom about the fact that you don’t want your father memory erased and why she does not stand up to her husband in this regard? You may have to put up with this until you are able to move out but he completely alienated you and this is another thing he cannot change. Tell your mother you most certainly do not want him to adopt you and in any case in two years you are no longer a minor.
I hope you told him not to worry, no one will talk about him after he dies. NTA
But your stepdad is not the only asshole, your mom is an asshole too because she didn’t protect you. She just wanted to keep him please, not her daughter. She created an unhealthy environment for you.
>he didn’t want photos of “that man” in his house
Bro this guy is talking about someone deceased. Someone who was loved. If he was talking about a sex offender or a major criminal who was still alive I could understand but he was your loving Father, like wtf?
If he didn’t act like such a jerk from the get-go, the occasion of gifting you with adoption papers could’ve been the most beautiful moment in the world for you both.
Don’t feel pressured into being adopted by this guy, he sounds like a major AH.
But your mother is by far the biggest asshole for allowing him to treat you like that.
Don’t get it twisted, this is 10000% on your mother for allowing him into your life and not doing anything about it.
Go no contact when you’re 18, they’re both horrible people.