Just when she thought she could finally mourn, she’s blindsided by a family member’s greed, leading to a confrontation that nobody saw coming. This is a story of loss, greed, and a granddaughter’s fight to honor her grandfather’s memory.
My grandfather passed a month ago, shortly after my (21F) 21st birthday. My dad left when I was 7, and my mum passed away when I was 11, shortly after my grandma. My granddad took me in straight away despite his age, even though he was still mourning both his wife and daughter.
Though still deadly sharp, his physical condition wasn’t great in his last few years. I’d express my worry for him sometimes, but he’d always tell me to get lost and assure me he’d “see me through ’til 21.” He was the light of my life.
When he died, I didn’t shed a tear. It’s hard for me to explain why, but he was still giving sass on his deathbed, and pinched my arm and told me to not cry because he wasn’t crying.
After I left, I received a text from my aunt later that evening that she was disappointed at me for not being visibly mournful and apparently him telling me not to was a very poor response. I ignore this, since we were all grieving.
I didn’t return to the house for three days to avoid being alone again. When I did return, I found the shelves empty, bits of furniture missing, and photos taken from the walls. I confronted my aunt immediately, who after some arguing returned most of what was taken.
Maybe she didn’t think I’d notice, but not only had she taken both my granddad’s and his dad’s service medals, she had sold them as well.
Luckily, I found the selling post on Facebook quickly enough and the man who bought them was happy to return them to me. I refunded man, and don’t plan on asking my aunt for repayment since I’m just so glad to have them back in the first place. I did not confront my aunt about this.
The funeral arrives, and I’m straight away hounded for going through with a cremation. I keep telling her that it was my granddad’s decision, not mine, but apparently this contradicted his Catholic values (???)
I’m an extremely mellow person, but this continued into the gathering afterwards. She told others how selfish I was for not letting her take any of his belongings, and how she thought I pushed him into signing his house over to me.
I was soon invited to sit among a table of some of his old friends, at which my aunt was sat too. I tried to not pay her any mind, but the conversation soon devolved and she slipped up and told the table that I hadn’t even let her take a single medal.
I lost myself at this, and erupted into a slurry of profanities. My aunt immediately starts crying, and I seize moment to call her out on her selling the medals in the first place.
I’m not sorry for the things I said to my aunt, but I’m deeply ashamed of my behaviour given the setting. Some people have approached me offering support, to which I have not replied, but I have this immense feeling of guilt in my stomach that I can’t shake.
I know for sure that I overreacted, but AITA? Should I apologise to each attendee individually? I’m in a terrible way at the moment and my mind is all over the place. I feel like I need someone from the outside to tell me what to do.
Conclusion
In the end, what seemed like a moment of rage turned into a crucial confrontation, exposing a hidden truth and reclaiming what was stolen. The journey ahead is uncertain, but this granddaughter has shown incredible strength in the face of betrayal.
Will she find peace after this ordeal, or will the guilt of her actions overshadow her victory? The fight for justice and closure is far from over.
Here’s how people reacted:
She stole and sold those medals. You are resourceful and got them back and didn’t even pester her for a refund.
People grieve differently.
You honored your grandfathers wish to not cry in his final moments as well as what to do with his remains. Your grandpa sounds super awesome and so do you!
Also, to try and explain my lack of “visible mourning” as my aunt put it, I suppose I can boil it down to acceptance. My grandfather was an amazing man. He was old when he took me in, and he made it clear from the beginning that he wouldn’t be around for too long afterward. Nevertheless, he promised me he’d be there for my 21st. He certainly kept that promise.
Granddad could be a real mule sometimes. He was an exceptionally tall man at 6’6, though he fell a few inches shorter during his elder years. His knees were the first things to give him trouble as a result, and when I was 17 I saved up to buy him one of those stair lifts for Christmas so he wouldn’t have to walk up and down them. He was grateful, but I never actually saw him use it. Of course, being the stubborn git he was, I came home once and caught him using the damn thing to cart his laundry up and down instead. I obviously got a little annoyed with this, and he told me that he found the mere concept of using it difficult, because he said he’d look after me — not the other way around.
My granddad had always disliked smalltalk, and during any kind of social gathering he used to secretly keep his hearing aid switched off so he didn’t have to listen to anyone. He was big on literature and mathematics and philosophy, and would frequently throw Blaise Pascal quotes at me. He’d also tell me countless stories about his regiment, and his own father’s position as General.
I don’t have much to compare to, but I feel as though he’s given me a lifetime’s worth of parenting in just under a decade.
Honestly, given his attitudes, I’m surprised he didn’t return from the grave and drag me outside himself when I started blaring out nasties.
I’m grateful for everything, and I’m especially grateful for all the kind advice, Reddit. I feel a little less lonely.
Your aunt deserved worse from the sounds of it. What an abomination of a person.
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Like others are saying, everyone grieves differently. You didn’t do anything wrong. Seriously. You were being attacked, repeatedly, and defended yourself. Nobody can fault you for that. It sounds like you hold yourself to a high standard — I genuinely don’t think you overreacted. It sounds like you took the only course of action that was going to get through to her. You’re allowed to take a step back from being the bigger person, and let yourself just be a person.
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If it would make you feel better & less guilty to apologize to the attendants, then do that. If it would stress you out and make you feel worse, don’t. I get that you might not be in the best place to differentiate between the two right now. Maybe start by giving a brief thank-you to one of the people who reached out, and see how that feels.
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If it feels alright, maybe extend thank-yous to the other attendees. I figure thank-yous are a good substitute for apologies in a lot of situations. Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, but I know it’s hard to let the guilt go. Rather than focusing on the shitstorm your aunt single-handedly created, you can shift this to appreciation and gratefulness for the people in your grandfather’s life who valued him like you do. He sounds like an incredible guy. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the grief leaves you be and lets you remember the good times.
I would apologize to the attendees though because it was probably very awkward for them.
I’m sorry your aunt is being an asshole to you. Maybe you can talk to her. Take her for coffee and talk about it. Is this her normal self? If not, maybe this would help.
Also, isn’t selling service medals illegal?
Change your locks immediately. She shouldn’t be allowed in your home without strict supervision.
You held back as long as you could. Your aunt is greedy. Ever seen Gran Torino? Your story made me remember that awesome movie.
Your aunt is the a-hole. She practically stole from you. Sold precious memories for a few bucks, lied about it, blamed you and guilt baited by crying. She is a ruthless, greedy piece of shit and you know that. Honestly.. you didn’t vent enough on her!
You seem like a decent guy, watch that movie and try to be a bit more open about your feelings. And tell the people the truth about that shitty aunt of yours! She needs to be put in place. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, karma is a bitch 😉
I wish you the best, try to connect with some people, be a bit more outgoing and talk about this event with people you can trust. Just a little bit.
NTA.
As for not crying, don’t even worry about that. My grandma – who I hold in higher esteem than almost anyone – died a year ago and I still not have shed a tear. Part of me feels like I haven’t even processed her passing yet, and part of me still feels the comfort of her beside me. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
You loved your grandpa more than anything and the only one who needed to know that was him. Screw your aunt. And I hope you find a way to let your grandpas memory live on with you in your day to day. It sounds like he was a very special man. For me, sometimes I wear my grandpas sweater and it just makes me feel enveloped in his love.