NTA. Look up “glass children,” this is unfortunately a pretty common family dynamic, where the healthy sibling‘s needs are completely ignored or disregarded. I’m so sorry your parents are treating you like this. I would suggest sitting down with your parents or writing them a letter telling them exactly how their behavior has affected you, and permanently altered your relationship with both them and your sister.

I don’t know that they will change, but you’ll probably feel better getting it off your chest. Iif you plan to leave for college or trade school, I would start talking to other trusted family members or adults about your plans. Start looking into scholarships or apprenticeships or whatever you need to do to become independent, bc you deserve to find happiness

NTA, and I hope your parents come to their senses.

NTA

as a shadow sibling of a miracle sibling I understand this experience. You built up key skills like resilience and independence as a result of their neglect.

your sister has learned to take advantage of you based on the behaviour modeled after your parents.

it gets better, as soon as you move out it gets better. As soon as they realize you never call, it gets better. As soon as you create your own family, it gets better. You have learned to expect nothing. Create some physical and enotional distance for self preservation and keep moving forward.

NTA they forgot they had 2 children, and are embarrassed you called them out on their neglect

NTA. Sounds like that outburst was long overdue. Hope your parents think about what you said after they are done being pissed.

Hide the laptop NOW.

If they still don’t get why you are so pissed, tell them to pull out the receipts of all the things they have bought for you and your sister and compare them, and if they can’t figure out what the hell is the problem after doing the math then there’s little to talk about. Oh, and it’s a laptop you bought with your money, so giving away is out of question.

NTA

DO not give them your laptop. YOU PAID FOR IT. Its your property. If need be take it over to a friends house and use it there, or a family member.

Fight for it.

NTA

NTA. This was basically my childhood. My brother had kidney disease which required multiple bone surgeries, dialysis, and a failed kidney transplant before he died at age 26. Despite being diagnosed with a significant autoimmune disease at age 11, my parents never gave a damn about me and always put me on the backburner, even my medical care. My extended family accused me of faking it for attention despite the bleeding lesions on my skin and arthritis that was diagnosed by surgery.

I went completely NC with both of my parents for several reasons, but this was a big one. There might have been a better way to express it, but you are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way. Although i would be careful not to direct the majority of your anger at your sister. The responsibility and failures lie on your parents.

NTA You bought it with your money, so it is also your property. You alone decide who does what with it and no one else.

Definitely NTA! My mama heart hurts for you ❤️‍🩹 I honestly think you should take the next two years to work your butt off so that you can get out at 18, it’s tough especially in this economy but I can’t see your parents changing unfortunately. You deserve love and attention and your going to have to make your own family up of friends that genuinely care about you and that’s ok! A lot of us have had to do that…. I’m sending you good vibes and wishing you all the luck in the world ❤️

NTA and your parents have been really cruel to you. Keep your laptop somewhere safe and password protected so they can’t just give it to her. Is there anyone in the family you can talk to about this awful dynamic your parents have set up?

NTA.

Make sure you have the docket/receipt for your laptop on hand and do not leave it at your house if you’re going to be away for any length of time.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through.

Regarding the laptop… You saved your money and bought it. It belongs to you, you are not obligated to give it to your sibling or share it.

NTA

NTA. Keep hanging on to your laptop. What your parents have done is so typical, that there’s even a term for the healthy sibling of the chronically ill one; it’s “Glass Child”, as in they look through you, your needs and wishes are invisible. Not that it helps you to hear you’re not alone.

Your parents should hear, preferably from another adult(so they’ll listen) that in their understandable panic over their sick child, they have neglected, ignored and abused their other child. That your life matters, too! That it will be tragic and ironic if the sick child they fawned over becomes their only child, when her sister grows up to leave forever and shuts them all out of her life.

NTA. You’re experiencing something called being a “glass child”. Your needs are ignored in favour of your unwell sibling.

You bought that laptop. You don’t have to share, though I can’t guarantee your parents won’t go over your head.

Family therapy would help but from how you describe it, your parents may not be open to it and they certainly don’t understand that you’re in pain. The biggest and saddest piece of advice I can give you is not to destroy or give away your things if you ever feel so overwhelmed that having nothing feels better than giving away what you have. If you have a trusted person (friend or otherwise) maybe you can keep some things with them, at their home. Or in your school locker (even snacks).

If you can see your school counsellor or an online counsellor on your own, do. They can help you manage this and decide how to plan the next steps of your life.

Just know, you deserve your own things, you deserve love and attention, you deserve to be happy. I wish you the best.

NTA holy hell. You most likely have CPTSD from this, stress, abandonment issues, etc.

You need therapy and a place to feel safe and prioritised. I get that your parents were in a difficult spot, but they failed you while caring for your sister and are failing you still.

It might be a good idea to start collecting your personal important documents and put them in a safety deposit box at the bank. (Birth certificate, SSN card, etc. but those can be replaced if you can’t get the) I would set up a new account at a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT bank than your family uses and get a box there.

Your family doesn’t seem like the type to start stealing your money, but they don’t seem terribly supportive of YOU. So if you start working towards independence now, when the time comes, it’ll make that step slightly less painful.

I’m sorry your parents have ignored you and pushed you to the back. I highly recommend therapy. Maybe a youth counselor at a center if you can’t get one through the doctor.

Best of luck OP. NTA.

Sweetheart, you are NTA – you are the outsider. Your parents ARE the AHs though for always putting you nowhere. I completely empathise with how you are feeling and I wonder if you have any grandparents/close friends that maybe you could stay with for a little bit? You (and your folks) need time away from each other in order to process what happened.

Please never think you are less, you are not. In fact you are more because you have morals & values. You have a job and you save your money in order to buy something that matters to you. You folks don’t give a crap what things you have. All they want is everything that stops sister having a meltdown. They also want you to be the same as them. Don’t, stay strong, stay focused and remain determined. God bless you.

NTA. You earned the money to buy the laptop, so don’t give it up. It sounds like some family therapy is needed. Can you sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel?

NTA

You’re 16, depending on the rules of your country and what the age of your majority is; you could go to the courts and ask to be emancipated from them. Courts are more willing to hear out someone closer to the age of majority on this and grant it. You already have a job and the government would put you on subsidized housing and stuff until you were out of school. This is an extreme to be sure, but it is an option.

What you should do is go to guidance counselors at school. Tell them what’s going on and tell them you need to talk to someone. The school will get in contact with a school therapist for now and they can help you get in touch with a “real” one. If money is an issue, there are programs for young people such as yourself to get help depending on where you live. I say school vs real because school counselors and therapists aren’t equip to deal with certain things in detail like the others are, they are meant to be there to start the process and get you in touch with another that can work with you in detail. Make sure you tell them what your home life is exactly like and that speaking to these people is not an option as they seem to either ignore your needs or they think you are “over reacting”, that way therapy will be focused on how to help you without having a support system within the family. Do this as soon as possible, because the long-term effects of this type of situation are astronomical. Sure, you can say that you don’t feel this way or that way right now, but later on in your 30’s and 40’s this shit will start to manifest in ways that you don’t understand and ways that will make life a lot harder. I’ve seen it happen and it’s not good for the person.

After all this, you can talk to your therapist about emancipation and if it’s a good idea. If they say it’s not for whatever reason, then what I would do is start saving every penny, nickel, and dime I could. Start busting your ass for a scholarship to a university you want, or any university rather; anything that will get you away from them. If you have to, start taking summer courses or night classes to boost grades from years past that matter. Most of the time from grades K-7 they don’t really care about mainly look at your grades from 8 and up. The work you put into your grades now and into boosting your grades from past years also shows that you are willing to put in the work and that you are a contender for that scholarship. If you can trust your boss and if your boss is cool, tell them what’s going on, tell them what you plan to do and if there is a way they can help. I had a boss like this at your age. It was the best thing that happened to a lot of us that worked for her. Who knows, they might be able to give you more shifts, give you a raise if you can’t take any more shifts, maybe even give you a place to get away while being paid for it. I know not every single boss is like that and they are very rare these days, but who knows. If you feel comfortable telling them and they can help, you should try and at least get some sort of support there too.

Now, I know you say your parents absolutely don’t give a shit about you, and from what you put they don’t. What you need to look out for is them suddenly taking an interest in your social media, schooling, and anything else, because they sound like the type that would immediately take an interest only to be snooping in your private business and trying to use it against you. They will “want to know what’s going on in your life” but not to actually care but more so to see how badly you plan to burn them or whatever and try to stop that from happening. If you have to, get rid of all your social media, or make a new one that they don’t know about. Use a completely different user name, birthday, whatever, but if you use social to keep in touch with friends and talk, it’s best to have one they know nothing about so you have people to still talk to and have a support system. make sure you keep any valuables close to you and make sure your ID and whatnot is yours and only you have access to it.

I know all this sounds over the top for something so simple as a parent-child disagreement, but parents like this sometimes swing completely in the reverse direction with the worst intent possible as a punishment for the seemingly obedient and controlled child to put them back in-line. They don’t know any other way to do it because they are in shock about the sudden disobedience. Some swing back in the other direction hard because they now feel extremely guilty and want to try and correct it all at once and do damage control for you, while the intent is good it’s not the best way to go about it. First step, talk to your school counselor and ask for help. If you feel you can, talk to you parents about it and if not, continue to just talk to the counselor and therapist until you can get help in getting to a “real” one. This is the first step that you need to take for yourself and your future.