I come from a very “sex-positive” household. My parents taught my sister and I about sex, sexuality, and their “non-vanilla” lifestyle from a young age. They were very affectionate and touchy with each other in public and didn’t (and still don’t) seem to care about others opinions.
They lived a very… non-conventional lifestyle and weren’t afraid to flaunt it.
On one hand, my parents never treated sex as a shameful subject, therefore, I received a very comprehensive, inclusive, form of sex education. On the other hand, I think I was introduced to many topics at a very young age.
In many ways, my sister, “Angie,” turned out like my parents. She proclaims that she’s “sex-positive,” and has no qualms with openly discussing sex in great detail at every opportunity. She believes that if a person is uncomfortable, they must be a “conservative virgin/prude who clearly hates all forms of self-expression.” (her words).
My wife, “Zara,” isn’t a huge fan of PDA. Other than hand-holding or occasional kisses on the cheek, she isn’t comfortable with doing much in public. We’re also not the type of people to discuss our sex-life with people, much less family.
Angie doesn’t like Zara. She believes that Zara is too “conservative/prudish” for our family. She often makes fun of Zara for “looking embarrassed,” when she’s discussing, in excruciating detail, about sex. Zara barely says anything, but Angie still manages to make fun of her.
I don’t speak to Angie much.
Recently, Zara’s brother passed away. Angie’s husband, “Bill,” knew his partner and wanted to pass on his condolences. Zara, Angie, Bill, and I all wanted to attend his wake. Instead of taking separate cars, Angie suggested that we all go together.
To be honest, I was not a huge fan of this idea. It was a two hour drive from where we live to our destination. Also, we were planning on leaving very early so that we could help set up and were planning to leave late. We still managed to do it.
At first, everything was alright. Understandably, no one was speaking in the car and it was very quiet in the car. Most people were keeping to themselves or sleeping.
Midway through the drive, Angie and Bill start making out in the backseat of our car. When I say “making out,” I mean, full-on, making out. They were pushing up against the car door and making all sorts of noises. Zara and I were extremely uncomfortable.
I pulled over and started yelling at Angie. I told them that I was disgusted by their behaviour and that they were acting like horny little teenagers. Angie said that they were grieving.
I yelled at them to get out of my car. At first, they were protesting, but I was so angry and so tired of them already. I told them to find their way home by themselves.
My parents think that I went too far with them and that Zara needs to “loosen up,” in order to be a part of this family. Obviously, Angie and Bill are still extremely pissed.
EDIT: When I initially pulled over, I pulled over into a small petrol station that had a little cafe. Saying, “side of the road,” was a poor choice of words and I apologise for all the confusion.
Conclusion
What began as a somber journey to honor a lost loved one quickly devolved into a scandal, exposing deep-seated tensions and differing views on intimacy and respect. This family’s unconventional lifestyle, once a point of pride, now serves as a backdrop to a dramatic fallout, leaving many to wonder if this ‘sex-positive’ unit can ever truly find harmony after such a public and uncomfortable display. The fallout from this car ride suggests that even the most liberal families have their limits, and this one may have just crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed.
Here’s how people reacted:
Continuing to discuss your sex life to someone in great detail, when they have expressed this makes them uncomfortable is not the one. Making out in a car with other people there who are clearly not consenting to that is…odd. Sounds like someone needs to go and rewatch (or watch) tea and consent.
They were in the car with Zara whose brother has died and they are literally on the way to the wake.
Idgaf if people want to make out but certain situations are not the time or place. Especially in the car with someone about to say goodbye to their family member who has already told you they aren’t comfortable.
We harp on about consent but don’t seem to grasp that other people don’t consent to be spectators.
> Angie said that they were grieving.
You know how they say “everyone grieves in their own way?”
Well **_this_** way, it turns out, is incorrect.
I’m “sex positive” and I still don’t want to talk about sex in depth with family and friends. I can be sex positive and still like my privacy. I also don’t want to be subjected to other peoples’ sex lives.
You don’t consent to your sister making sex moans in your ear and it doesn’t make you a prude to not want that.
ETA: people are saying that you’re TA if you didn’t warn them first, but also this is not the first time you’ve had this conversation with her if I’m reading this right. She already knows that this is a boundary.
Zara is perfectly fine the way she is. Tell them to back off.
NTA, Jesus tap dancing Christ what the fuck is wrong with some people??
Time for Angie to have a lecture on Consent!!
>My parents think that I went too far with them and that Zara needs to “loosen up”, in order to be a part of this family.
This comes off like they’re trying to have a big ol’ family orgy, which is… nauseating to say the least.
Anyways, there’s being sex positive, which is cool, and then there’s dry humping each other in the backseat of your brother’s car on the way to a wake while the deceased’s sister is in the passenger seat. Time and place; they can be sex positive without being gross like that, and they can be sex positive without sex being their entire lives and basically the only thing they talk about. NTA
This fact leaked out in your post in two ways, 1: that you were exposed to some sexual subjects “too early”, which means you were unconsenting, and 2: that your sister continues, reflexively to override consent.
Your parents and your sister are not sex-positive, which has a whole ethical consent framework, and well, well into exploitation and sexual predation, getting off on other’s discomfort and lack of consent. Their kink is first making you an unconsenting partner or witness to their sexual behavior, then second, shaming you for not consenting. Your sister set up this whole one-car situation _expressly to do this to you and/or your wife._
Hilariously, if you did consent, a lot of the boundary pushing wild stop, because that “isn’t as fun.”
I personally always block and NC predators, the moment I identify them, so that’s what I’d suggest.
If I was your wife, though, I would be pissed at you. Why aren’t you protecting her better? You made her have a 4 hour, round trip, car ride with people that constantly bully her while she was grieving a family member? You suck for making that choice, and you need to do better in the future. Otherwise your wife might agree that she doesn’t fit into your family as none of you seem strong in the empathy/consideration of others department.
What????
NTA
Being sex positive isn’t about shoving the fact that you’re sex positive in everyone’s face, all the time. And let’s be clear, your parents and sister aren’t being sex positive. They are being inconsiderate of others and using their so called sex positive lifestyles as a way to make other uncomfortable.
There is a time and place for everything and aggressively making out on a car, while other people are there essentially being held hostage is not the time and the place. What does them ‘grieving’ have to do with the make out session? Nothing at all. I have lost a lot of people in my life and I can tell you right now that I’ve never thought of grieving by making out with my partner. We’re they going to have sex on his grave as well?
Now, if Bill’s brother died, you would have been the TA to toss them out of the car. In that case, Bill wold have been the center ring, not Zara. Asking them to dial it back would have been ok though.
Is Zara open to “loosening up” by openly mocking the technique of the soft porn show? Something like “Sheese Bil, I sure hope you have other qualities because your technique sucks.”
On top of they know it makes your wife uncomfortable