Back in 2020 I (23M) found out my girlfriend Lucy (23F) had our son John (4M) but also learned the huge betrayal my parents did to me. What happened is in our senior year of HS her mom passed away. She didn’t have other family in the US. The only other family she had was her dad in Mexico.
We wanted to move in together, but neither of us had the money to support ourselves, and my parents didn’t want her staying with us, even if she got a job to help out, so she went with her dad.
They messed with our communication, though, because when she reached out to say she’s pregnant right after she left, my parents sent her a message pretending to be me, saying I wasn’t going to be involved, so don’t bother me again. To me, when she never contacted me again, I thought she ghosted me, which hurt.
That shit was pretty devastating for me to find out. Lucy came back to my life with my son to confront me for abandoning them. I was crying so much after learning the whole truth.
That same day, I wanted nothing to do with them because they were dead to me. My mom thought they did right because I would’ve ruined my life for her and our kid. It disgusted me.
Since it’s been two years, my parents have had a change of heart. Every so often, they try to have my sister bring gifts to my son that’s from them. It started happening even more after my uncle passed away last year. They tried talking to me at the funeral, but I ignored them.
Now they say it helped them realize family is important, so they want to meet John. We went to the mall for a family portrait on Saturday, then my sister met with us to eat across the street. My sister starts freaking out, then she shows me a text from my parents.
They were asking her if she’s coming over, then she said after meeting with me, because we came to eat at “___.” All of a sudden, they were like, “Oh, we’ll join you guys!” Like, if nothing they did ever happened.
She texted them not to come, but they caught us when we were already leaving. I told my girlfriend to take John to the car, and right there outside I let them have it. When they were trying to say sorry to me, I yelled at them that they stole my son from me and made my girlfriend a single mom for two years, in front of all these people.
And I know, too, that the yelling was super loud because even my voice was cracking. They didn’t say shit after that, but my mom was for sure crying and my sister was right there.
My sister tells me maybe I should apologize for that, because they were humiliated being yelled at in front of a bunch of strangers. My mom even told her sister yesterday that they get they were very wrong for what they did, but the way I screamed at them was an extreme reaction since they were trying to talk in a calm voice.
That is the first time I’ve ever yelled at them like that too. It’s hard not to see past being angry at them. And for this kind of thing, it was hard not to lose it. Regardless, does that make me an asshole?
Conclusion
The confrontation in the mall parking lot was explosive! He finally unleashed years of pain, making sure his parents understood the depth of their wrongdoing. Will this public outburst bring closure, or does it set the stage for a new, even more complicated chapter in this family’s drama?
Here’s how people reacted:
ETA: It’s probably time to ask you sister to no longer talk about you or be a messager between you guys. She seems to mean well, but to avoid future occurrences, referring to you generically as “a friend” could be helpful for all involved.
Now onto you parents. I would completely forgive them once they do just a couple small things. Once they figure out how to let you see your sons first steps. Hear his first words. And celebrate his first birthday. As well as getting the time with your girlfriend back. I would completely forgive them and forget the whole thing.
They were perfectly happy to force your GF to leave her BF, friends, and her life right after she lost her mother. And were perfectly happy to hide your son from you and hide you from your son and gf. They should be perfectly happy to keep pretending that they do not have a grandchild.
Honestly I hope I’m not going too far. But I would be hesitant to let my kid around my parents if I were in your shoes, if only for what they did to your gf. This is a young woman that has lost everything. Only to find that she is pregnant. And your parents tricked her and convinced her to believe that you abandoned her and her son. You both are lucky that nothing serious happened to her, as that would easily be enough to break a lot of people. And if your parents are capable of that, what else are they capable of.
The only people you should be looking out for, and caring about the feelings of are your son, your gf, and yourself.
Yeah you didn’t do anything wrong by yelling at them, I’m so sorry they did this to you and took that time away. NTA
NTA
Off topic, but how did your girlfriend react to finding out the truth of what your parents did? Did she forgive you? Are you guys officially together now? You don’t have to answer of course but i’m just curious. I hope you and your family are doing better.
You missed out on some very important time in your son’s life and Lucy missed out on some much-needed support because of what your parents did. And now they want to act like everyone’s been a happy family for the past 4 years? They’re trying to set up a public meeting because they were betting on you not making a scene. Your anger is valid – they deserve what they got.
Your sister is being used as a flying monkey. She’s bringing presents from your parents, she’s telling them when and where she’s having lunch with your family, and who knows what she’s sharing with them after a get-together. You’re probably going to need to have a conversation with your sister about not talking about you to your parents. To paraphrase Will Smith, she needs to keep your family’s names out of her mouth.
Please do some work so you aren’t held hostage by these feelings. You and your family (gf/child) deserve peace.