I (F32) am currently eight months pregnant with our first, and I am trying to do everything I can to make sure the house is ready. This started with little spring cleaning jobs, but has developed into a full blown deep clean of everything.
One of the things I have decluttered recently was mine and my husband’s (M33) closet. I donated everything we don’t wear, and have folded and put away everything that we won’t need during winter. Some of this clothing has gone into a suitcase, which is currently sitting on our bedroom floor because it is too heavy for me to lift and put away.
I have asked my husband to please help me more than once, but he is always either too tired after finishing work or he says that it slips his mind. All in all, the suitcase is currently looking like a permanent installation in our bedroom. He has at least shifted it out of the main walkway in the interim.
Last night, I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up tripping over the suitcase as I fumbled in the dark. I do obviously know where it is after it has been there for so long, but I was half asleep and trying to avoid our sleeping pup. While the fall wasn’t bad, I did wake my husband in the process.
My husband was initially quite worried – especially since our midwife told us any fall needed a trip to the hospital – but once he realised it was because of the suitcase, he became quite upset. He said that there is no way I could have tripped over the suitcase unintentionally as he has moved it out of the walkway, and I had done it to “prove a point”.
He said that he could not believe I would behave so passive-aggressively and put our baby’s life at risk rather than just asking him again, and that forgetting to move the case is not a crime.
The more I tried to explain that I was trying to avoid waking him and tripping over the dog, the more he said that these were just convenient excuses to make him look lazy and unhelpful around the house. He said I was punishing him for not getting to the suitcase sooner, and that if anything, I should have had a plan to deal with it from the beginning as it was me who had wanted to sort out the closet in the first place.
My husband was fired up again after I mentioned to the midwife this morning that I had tripped over a suitcase, and he said I could have just told her that I had fallen over the dog or my shoelaces. He said that he had made his feelings clear during the night when we had our discussion, and I was rubbing salt in the wounds now.
I spoke to my mom (F61) about it after we got back from the midwife because I wanted to vent, and she surprisingly took his side and said I was letting my emotions get the best of me.
My mom said I should have been more graceful bringing it up in front of the midwife (although I will say that I never said anything about asking him to move it), and she said that the situation has probably made my husband feel quite bad about himself which is why it has turned into such a “big drama”.
Conclusion
The conflict over a misplaced suitcase reveals a deeper marital rift, with a pregnant wife’s intentions misconstrued and her mother surprisingly siding with the husband. This tale serves as a stark reminder that sometimes, the biggest fights stem from the smallest, most unexpected places.
Here’s how people reacted:
I cannot believe that you are even thinking about the ways of not making him look bad, when he so much should. Please, stop considering the fragile feelings of a grown-ass husband.
It is essentially his fault that you tripped over the suitcase, since it was his job to have it removed. If you tripped over the dog or shoelaces (who is even wearing shoes with laces at night), you would be just saying that. If he wants you to not say that, he might just move the suitcase. As easy as that.
Your husband is AH, not you.
Your husband is kinda an ass for assuming that there is no way you could forget it was there. Pregnancy brain is very real. I got into the shower more than once with either my socks and/or underwear still on because I would literally forget I still had to take those items off and it was hard to see my feet or anything below my belly at that point.
>He said that there is no way I could have tripped over the suitcase unintentionally as he has moved it out of the walkway, and I had done it to “prove a point”. He said that he could not believe I would behave so passive-aggressively and put our baby’s life at risk rather than just asking him again, and that forgetting to move the case is not a crime.
He doesn’t care, as he said, “he said I could have just told her that I had fallen over the dog or my shoelaces”.
I’d have probably yelled “so fucking move it!” when he started whining to the mid wife. Your mom is wrong.
Example: When I was pregnant I used to get up in the dark when I needed the bathroom. Not only did it not disturb my ex but also helped me get back to sleep faster. And I felt I needed all the sleep I could get! (Never enough btw…) Some thirty years later I stilll get up in the dark if I need to go and pee. I know my bedroom like the back of my hand but am still capable of blundering into a piece of furniture instead of the door if I’m really not very awake.
Don’t listen to your mum, and don’t let your husband bully you like this. I’ve had bullies that treated me better than that when they actually hurt me, lol.
Your husband is projecting the blame, and honestly this is my main problem here. This does not even warrant a fight in my eyes. “omg you fell babe im so sorry I forgot let me move that asap” would have solved this.
edit I forgot the damn verdict, you are def NTA stay safe girl
Holy moly. You absolutely DO NOT LIE about how you got an injury, especially if its due to negligent actions by your husband. He’s blaming you for his lazy behavior, it sounds like it’s just one suitcase and all he had to do is put it away, probably a job that will take less than 10 minutes. Your mother is not being helpful at all, she is excusing his behavior. You are makinh space for your baby and preparing for life with them, how are your ans husband helping with this because it sounds like they are just making your life harder.
Please, OP. Stick up for yourself. “Husband, I did not fall on purpose. You and I both know that. You feel badly that I or the baby could have been hurt, and can’t be adult enough to accept your responsibility. I will make this point once and make it very clear. This is **YOUR** fault. I expect and apology. You have had your one get out of jail free card. This behaviour won’t happen again and we are not discussing this again. Go put the suitcase away.”
NTA. Seems he blew up because he feels bad, maybe? (Rightfully so)