Hi everyone. I feel terrible about this, but I also sort of stand by what I said.
My wife (34F) and I (32M) have been happily married for 8 years. We have two kids, 6 and 4. Until recently, we’ve been able to effectively divide our household chores and parenting duties equally.
About 6 months ago, my wife’s tiktok and instagram algorithms started showing her content that’s primarily been involving criticism of men, particularly in terms of their contributions to marriages, parenting, and chores. I’m all for constructive discussions about gender roles and stuff like that, but the content I’ve seen from her account take it to an extreme, stereotyping all men as lazy, and neglectful.
In the past few weeks, my wife began posting her own content about our personal life, portraying me as a negligent and uncaring husband and father who doesn’t pull his weight around the house. I was really hurt when I saw these posts on our account, particularly because she has close friends, and family members on both sides who follow her account and are reaching out to me asking me if everything is okay in our marriage now that she’s posting her own content, and not just reposting other videos she finds.
Not only was her content way inaccurate, but I feel uncomfortable opening up these elements of my personal life to all of our friends and family, let alone strangers who have found themselves engaging as well.
I attempted to discuss this with her. She shrugged it off, and accused me of being insensitive to the struggles with women, and not understanding her need for an outlet to vent.
I completely lost my patience in front of the kids. I told her she was being a fucking keyboard warrior more interested in getting clout from toxic women online than the reality of our life. I also told her she was being an ungrateful dickhead and spreading lies about me and our marriage.
As soon as I called her a dickhead and seeing her reaction to what I was saying, as well as hearing my daughter starting to cry, I regretted it. She looked more sad than angry with what I was saying, and she just sort of shut down and hasn’t spoken to me since, outside of very minimal conversations about breakfast or plans for the kids.
I feel like I have a right to be upset about what she’s saying on social media, but I think I took it way too far. I really don’t know how to approach the rest of the discussion we obviously need to have.
Conclusion
The fallout from a social media storm leaves a marriage hanging by a thread, with harsh words exchanged and a family’s peace shattered. Can this couple find their way back from the brink, or is this the beginning of the end?
Here’s how people reacted:
INFO: how are chores and parenting divided? You vaguely said equally, but I just have a sneaking suspicion that might not be the whole story there.
In any case, I’m teetering between ESH and NTA. Airing dirty laundry on social media is nearly always an AH move in my opinion.
Edit: based on the replies, I’m going with NTA. Things seem divided pretty equally IMO. If she has an issue with folding the 1000s of little people clothes, or what have you, then she needs to act like an adult and have an actual conversation with you about it.
That being said, you should still apologize for flying off the handle if you wanna salvage this. Then follow up with imploring about what exactly she has an issue with.
A lot of replies here are calling OP the AH for losing it in front of the kids without trying to understand the feelings behind the behavior.
From OPs post it looks like the wife is unwilling to have a discussion yet keeps posting on social media for everyone to see.
I have a few friends that subscribe to the idea of the manosphere and it looks like the female version is doing the rounds these days. Boggles me how people fail to see the perspective from the other gender.
So the question is,WHY is she posting these things? Is she blatantly lying or does she see or feel something that isn’t apparent? Is she being a trendy,attention seeking sympathy junkie or does she truly have an issue,regardless of how right or wrong it might be?
OP,nobody but YOU can get to the bottom of this. You and her need to sit down and talk rationally about every aspect of your lives. If she has complaints,you need to listen. If you have replies to what she says,she needs to listen. Everything needs to be put on the table.
Might you want a marriage counselor to moderate this discussion? That might be a good idea,but this needs to happen soon. Good luck to all of you.
BUT, the more important point I want to raise is it sounds like you are potentially being emotionally abused by your wife.
I’m not 100% sure, but some thoughts:
Emotional abuse includes:
– being hyper judgmental or critical—including embarrassing or humiliating you. I could imagine those videos creating these feelings, especially if people you know are viewing them.
– ignoring boundaries or right to privacy—considering that these videos include elements of you + your relationship and you didn’t consent to them, that feels like an invasion of privacy/boundaries
– being dismissive of your and your feelings—she is clearly refusing to acknowledge yours. Stonewalling is an abusive technique.
I would even go as far as to say that, while it wasn’t okay for you to lose your cool in front of her + kids, you may have been pushed to that point due to the pressure of her emotional abuse.
If this is where things lay, this is beyond Reddit’s pay grade. It sounds like she is no longer viewing you two as a team. Couples therapy may be a good idea tbh—to repair trust, discuss her perceptions, and help her discover why this content has struck a cord with her.
It is amazing how fast this sub turns from a judgement sub into an advice sub whenever a woman is at fault for something.
Even with the OP answering every question, people are still nitpicking every single statement.
Just super reductive and disrespectful.
Like is there any world it would be ok for him to post about the things she’s “not great at” regardless of if true or not? Of course not.
BUT. I don’t know too many adults that wouldn’t freak out if their spouse lied about them for everyone on social media to see. Especially if you’re a private person anyway.
Your wife is displaying some serious attention seeking behaviors, and she needs to figure out what is lacking in her life that she gets off on the sympathy of others. That’s a her problem, and while you’re married, she doesn’t get to trash you for her own mental issues.
She definitely needed to hear it but your kids don’t.
Might be time to look at therapy then maybe stepping away if that fails
Move on.
A counselor, psychologist, therapist, clergy – someone who can work through the two of you’s anger and miscommunication.
As for your wife, I really have no idea how to handle that. Therapy, maybe? It sounds like she’s fallen down the women’s equivalent of the Andrew Tate blackhole.