The stage was set for a showdown, but this wife wasn’t about to be sidelined any longer. What happened next would leave everyone questioning who was truly in the wrong.
I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years. We dated for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas.
My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time. I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.
When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me “I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.” When I expressed that I wanted to come, he told me that it would be for the best if I didn’t. It has caused several fights.
About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him.
I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there.
I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant.
My mother in law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.
My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an asshole I had been. I said that he was an asshole for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it.
Anyway, with the way the word asshole was thrown around, it made me think of this sub. So I wanted to ask if I am the asshole. Am I?
Edit: I don’t know how to add an update in this sub, so there is an update posted to my profile
Conclusion
Her husband’s family made their feelings clear, but did her husband understand the real reason behind her explosive behavior? The fallout from this dinner is far from over.
Did she get the justice she deserved, or did her actions seal her fate as the family outcast? The answer might surprise you, and an update promises to reveal the full story.
Here’s how people reacted:
No offense meant and not trying to tell you what to do, but it sounds like it’s time for some Malicious Compliance. If Hubby and the Entitleds don’t see you as family, give him what he acts like he wants; a nice shiny divorce.
NTA
NTA
He’s nice when *not* with his family, but has no spine to fight for you *with* them?
That’s called a “fair weather husband”.
The kind who is there when times are good, and bails when his family are involved.
This is someone who wouldn’t ever truly like any kids you had who were anything other than white passing, because *his family wouldn’t*.
Any kids who were perceived as “dark” would be not as included, told to stay home from visiting grandma *(you know she’d absolutely make sure ONLY her favourite would be allowed to come)* and he wouldn’t go to as many school life events of theirs, as the others.
Who decided 5 years ultimately?
You or him?
Did his mother wear white to your wedding?
It seems pretty clear that his mother doesn’t like you, and it sounds like they have a compromise where he only invites you half the time. That’s not acceptable. If he’s unwilling to be supportive of his own wife and tell his mother/parents “she’s my wife, if she doesn’t come, I don’t come” then he’s making it clear where his priorities lie and it’s not with you.
He’s choosing his family’s feeling sour respect for you.
Seriously tho, your husband and his family are racist AF and ought to be ashamed of themselves.