I (30f) am here because the people I’m closet to that I would usually go for advice are a little too close to home and biased towards me to give a neutral perspective. I’m going to give some backstory for context first and if there are more questions I’ll try my best to clear things up.
Backstory: I was engaged to my college boyfriend “Mike” (30m) and was really happy. What I wasn’t happy about his friendship with childhood friend “David” (30m) the guy was an obnoxious and often rude jerk who likes to play “pranks” on people. It seems like the more inappropriate or the more people tell him to not prank them he’ll take it as challenge and either target them more or pretend that he’s about to prank them just so he can watch people be anxious over it.
I couldn’t stand the guy but was willing to tolerate him. When Mike said that David would be his Best Man I was against it and we got into a fight but I relented. During the objections part David spoke up and said that he couldn’t let his friend a cheater.
He even went as far as to hire someone to be a fake AP. I runaway in tears as David laughed. I barricaded myself in the bathroom bawling my eyes out and refusing to let anyone in. I could hear Mike knocking on the door saying that David confessed to it just being a prank and that he knows I wouldn’t cheat.
But that didn’t make me feel better. I heard my sister and best friend “Jane” (31f) calling out to me and I crawled out and left. I called my parents and grandparents apologizing for the whole scene and told them that the wedding was off and I planned to never speak to him again either.
Fast forward a few months later and Jane confessed that before the wedding she had a one-night-stand with David, was pregnant, and going to keep the baby. She was so remorseful about the situation and after I had my space, I told her that it would be okay and that I’m still her friend.
Jane named me as the godmother of her son “Tommy” (7m) and he’s a little cutie. He calls me “Auntie” and Mike, who David named as the godfather, “Uncle Mike” and I will say becoming a dad made David a better person. Although, I’m never going to like him and I guess Mike never got over me and David feels super guilty and wants us to get back together but I have refused.
When Tommy’s birthday was coming up David tried to use that as an excuse to get me and Mike to talk to each other, but I shut that down. I even opted out last minute with an illness excuse. David sent me a long text about how disappointing I was for not being able to put my past aside for Tommy’s benefit and I took exception to that.
We went back and forth a little and I told David that Mike and me are over and that he just needs to live with his role in any negative impact that the wedding caused on Mike. David claims he’s just trying to fix things between us and that I’m being petty.
I thought nothing of it at first but now I’m starting to wonder AITA?
ETA: Hey had to step away but I see some comments and gotten some messages inquiring about the same/similar things so I will reiterate, elaborate and clear some stuff up.
1. David and I were never friends and never will be. I tolerated him for Mike back then and I’m tolerating him for Tommy now. 2. Jane and David were never in a relationship. It was just a one night stand that resulted in a child. 3. When Jane first told me I was quite upset and didn’t speak to her for a while but we managed to patch things up. 4.
David’s prank was the most humiliating moment of my life and a part of me blamed Mike for it because he insisted on David being his Best Man and that’s why I ran away. 5. For days Mike tried to reach out through friends and family but I ignored him. 6.
Once it became clear that I wasn’t coming back Mike did temporarily cut David off but they managed to patch things up. Don’t know why or how. 7. When Tommy was around 2 David did apologize to me for his prank. It felt sincere. 8. Since the wedding (and Tommy’s birth) I’ve never seen nor heard of David doing pranks again. 9.
Jane has tried to set up boundaries between David and me on my behalf but she can only do so much, and I don’t blame her for it. 10. David went through Jane’s phone without her knowledge and that’s how he got my new number and texted me.
Conclusion
The story takes a twist no one saw coming, proving that life’s most unexpected turns can lead to surprising outcomes. Can forgiveness truly mend what was broken, or are some wounds too deep to heal? The answer might just redefine the meaning of family and second chances.
Here’s how people reacted:
Commenting again because I truly don’t understand how people are thinking she’s TA for cutting Mike off. Clearly Mike has been turning a blind eye/enabling his friends behavior the entire time. She didn’t want him as the best man because she feared this exact situation, but Mike said FUCK IT and made him best man anyway, putting him in a position in the wedding party to achieve ultimate damage. Her future husband ignored her concerns, thoughts, and feelings, and probably had been doing so whenever she brought up David’s behavior, and simultaneously enabled David’s lunatic-level actions. Why in the fresh living hell would OP want to be married to that?
See how funny he found it.
And I can understand why you didn’t let Mike come back. If my best man did that to my wedding and caused me to lose the love of my life, I would at the very very very least, not be friends with him anymore.
I’m not even sure where you’d get the idea that you were the AH. You don’t even like David so why are you taking what he says to heart?
You made a decision not to be with your ex. And everyone around you should be respecting that rather than any one of them trying to get you two back together. That’s a decision for the two of you to make, it’s not up to anyone else. If you’re not interested, you’re not interested, and if they try to force it, you’ll just not be there for that BS.
You are under no obligation to make up with your ex to make David feel better about himself. You were 100% correct when you said what you said to David. If he doesn’t want to see you rejecting a chance to talk to Mike, then he shouldn’t try to orchestrate a situation where the 2 of you are around each other.
After the edit: I still feel the exact same way and suspected a lot of what OP had to say. Though the whole David and Jane one night stand has started to bug me. Why would your sister/friend sleep with someone you hated so much in the first place? Didn’t she know your feelings on that jerk?
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don’t let him do it.
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You deserve so much better.
My bf would have fucked him up. He one embarrassed you in front of your whole family
And two ruined your wedding, after someone objects most priests won’t continue with the wedding. And lastly he has no respect, disrespecting me to my bf is disrespecting him.
I don’t see how your ex kept this man as a friend. Pranks are never funny and No one likes the guy who thinks they are and plays them.
I get why you dumped you ex even if others don’t. He didn’t believe it but didn’t do anything when it happened, he didn’t have your back and is STILL friends with that pos.
That is not somebody that you want to spend your life with. What else with he let this fuck head do for the sake of laughs? Would he prank you when having your first kid or
Buying ur first house. Why would you want that stress.
Or NT Fucking A!
Im am *seriously* not believing that Mike wasn’t in on this ‘prank’. He literally sabotaged your wedding, with something *noone* would find remotely funny. Ever. At all.
David now feels guilty? Good. I’m glad. He not only ruined your wedding, but your entire relationship and Mike let him. He should have been furious, but wasn’t, he can stick with him and let him continue to ruin any future relationships he has with this shit.
He doesn’t seem to appreciate the gravity of what he did. So does he have to live with it? Yes, but I don’t think he’s actually feeling what he did.
I usually am not the one to suggest this, but I’d consider suing him for the cost of the wedding, or at the very least suggesting he pay back whoever paid for it. His behavior was inexcusable.
Girl, look, you need to address this with both David and Mike, at the same time. You tell David “You did this. You pulled an asinine, extremely hurtful prank on our wedding day. No one found it ‘funny’. Mike, you knew David would pull something stupid to hurt me and ruin the day, yet you went ahead with making him your best man anyway. What you both did was unforgivable to me. I could never trust you ever again. We’re never getting back together so move on. You two did this. You two live with the consequences. It’s not my concern. It’s all on you two”. Then walk away.
Don’t engage further. Block both David and Mike from all forms of communication. Tell Jane that while you love her and the sprog, you will no longer tolerate interference in your life about Mike. The subject is closed and she needs to decide what is more important to her; your friendship and being godmother to her tot or Mike and David’s butthurt feelings. Tell her to think carefully because you are DONE.
Good luck and many hugs.
David just want to relieve his guilt over destroying his friend’s life. You don’t have any responsibility to do so. And you certainly do not have to forgive Mike for being an AH.
If David persists, you can try thanking him for opening up your eyes to what a bad husband Mike would have been.
After that, well, do you really want to spend your life with a guy whose best friend is David? I doubt it.
I would reach out to Jane about this though, just so she’s aware that David is harassing you about Mike and you want nothing to do with it. And reiterate that you love Tommy and are her friend.
David can feel guilty forever. And Mike can start taking accountability for his relationships.
David’s way of thinking is likely this: he fixes your relationship with Mike, he can wash away the part of the past where he did wrong, and then he gets his best friend back, who’ll then keep enabling him. Your continued refusal to go along with the Disney-esque thinking is why David’s blaming you. He tried what he think is the “nice” way, and now he’s determined to break you down until you take Mike back.
Don’t do it, OP. Neither of these men deserve a moment of your time.
On a side note, it sounds like David is “trying to fix things” but has he even apologized? Has Mike apologized for letting David be there, or for his prank?