I’m a 28 year old woman and when I was a kid, my parents always hosted the family Christmas Eve party. This year, my dad was recovering from a surgery, so I offered to host at my new house, which I share with my girlfriend.
When I was planning the party, I at first didn’t really know what to do about my aunt Marie. She’s always been pretty homophobic; she’d always be talking shit about “the gays” when I was a kid before she knew.
When I came out in my 20s she became really frosty to me and basically stopped talking to me.
So when I was planning the Christmas party, there was no way I was excluding my girlfriend, who’s estranged from her own family, or putting her in a situation she has to face more bigotry. I also didn’t really want to have my aunt over for my own sake; like, I’m more used to it, but it still makes stuff tense.
And it was my own damn house. So I ended up inviting all the family except my aunt.
My dad angrily confronted me about it, and I basically told him that I know he never allows someone who’d disrespects him or his wife into his home. Now I’m not a kid anymore – I’m as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I’m going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my partner.
He actually apologized for putting me in an uncomfortable spot when I was young. He planned a Christmas Day dinner with her and their other siblings.
The Christmas eve party itself was lovely.
Well, on Christmas day, my aunt posted this lengthy rant about how young people are “cancelling Christmas” and about her “woke” niece. It was super long and super out of touch, like there’s no big conspiracy to cancel family or whatever; I just personally didn’t want her there.
I replied “I assume this is about me not inviting you to the Christmas Eve party? Honestly, the holidays weren’t cancelled, I just didn’t invite you personally, as you have expressed hateful views towards me, such as (i wrote a long bulleted list that is taking this way over the word limit here, but some of the stuff on it was stuff like being glad aids killed a lot of (f slur))
I said “Anyway, since I’m a lesbian and I share my home with my girlfriend, I specifically uninvited you due to your behavior towards me in the past. Nobody’s cancelling the holidays, just you 🙂 It’s not some new woke trend either; a host choosing to only invite guests who respect them and their household has existed for as long as parties have existed.”
Well that blew the hell up; my family all started calling me and texting me and saying I went to far; it was enough to just not extend an invite, but it was too much for writing a massive list of like 20 years of grievances.
Some of my family was even saying it was shitty of me to list homophobic stuff she said before she knew I was gay??
AITA for the Facebook comment I made?
Conclusion
The fallout from this holiday showdown has left the family divided, with accusations flying and holiday spirits tested. While some are rallying behind the woman’s bold stand for respect, others believe she crossed a line. Will this act of defiance mend fences or break them forever? The internet is certainly watching to see how this Christmas story unfolds.
Here’s how people reacted:
If she wants to post her dirty laundry on Facebook, she better be prepared when the laundry starts to smell. Family means nothing when the people in it are the ones hurting you. Good for you OP
> Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
>Some of my family was even saying it was shitty of me to list homophobic stuff she said before she knew I was gay
She still said it – who called her out on it, regardless of whether or not you were gay?
Don’t need to apologize or cater to your aunt’s homophobic and bigoted behavior.
Not in a million years are you TA.
And, you didn’t take to Facebook to air out your grievances, she did. All you did was clarify to her post-readers that her grievance wasn’t really a grievance.
You’re NTA. Also, fuck all homophobes.
That said, you are NTA. Now I’m the type not to throw my stuff publicly but if someone forces it, I’ll take my earrings off and have a little cat fight. Your Aunt showed her rump on facebook in an effort to get sympathy. You chose to confront her with the truth. The older members of your family chose to side with her probably for three major reasons, 1) They adhere to the old and ignorant idea that whoever is the oldest should be shown respect & honor no matter what they say or do. 2)They’re her siblings and they’re going to gather the wagons and protect their sibling 3) There’s a good chance they may harbor a few of her thoughts themselves but have better manners than she does.
Personally, my daughter is a lesbian and is now married to my darling daughter in love. If someone spoke about them as your Aunt has about you, not only would they not be welcome in my home, I’d probably have some things to say to them that Jesus won’t like. There’s a good chance I’d do something the mods would find “violent” and send me a warning about. So I think your statements on FB are fine. I think if anyone says anything more you should say “what’s the problem? I didn’t slash her tires.” As for you listing 20 years of hurts and cruelties from your Aunt, she shouldn’t have been cruel & hurtful for 20 years. My bottom line is two fold. As a Christian I know I’m suppose to forgive, forgive, forgive. But sometimes I just revert to my little Texas girl self and say “Don’t want none? Then don’t start none.”
She opened the playing field for comments when she posted on Facebook. If you didn’t comment what you did you already know other members of your family or her friends would be on that post agreeing with her, supporting her and comforting her after you were a big meany not inviting her to your party
I vividly remember the christmas dinner the year before I came out. Most of my family was discussing how homosexuality isn’t natural, how it’s weird and how it makes them uncomfortable. I stormed off and refused to go back out like the stubborn 13-year old I was. My mom and my SIL cussed everyone out for talking like that but decpite that, I wouldn’t budge. When I came out not even 3 months later they all knew how much they fucked up and most of them apologised immidietly for their previous behavior. My family have always been extremely supportive of each other and the only reason I was able to forgive them was because they genuinely felt bad about all of it. They tried to make it right then and have continued to make up for their previous behavior. It took years to actually let go of all of the homophobic remarks I heard before I came out though. You aren’t required to forgive and forget, especially if she froze you out rather than apologised when you eventually came out. She is entitled to her opinion but to call you out and expect you to just take it when she’s the one who made her bed? Hell no. NTA.