I (33) get a call from the ER on Friday saying that my wife (32) drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain.
I’m on a business trip until Saturday but I drive back in time to be there Saturday morning before she woke up.
A while after she wakes up, the doctor comes in. My wife says to stay with her so I say ok. He takes a deep breath and said that from the transvaginal ultrasound and CT scan results, she has ovarian cancer.
My wife starts sobbing but at first I stay still because I don’t even know what to make of it.
My wife asks what that means for her and he says that she’ll likely at least need a full hysterectomy, and they’d have to remove the Fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries.
That news jolted me from my chair. Because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn’t be able to have kids after this, and after years of work, I thought we’d finally have a family.
I’m overwhelmed with emotions of anger, not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger form the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career.
And now instead of becoming a real family, I didn’t even know if she would remain the woman I married, whether the last picture of us together would be last time I’d remember her looking beautiful, young, and carefree. Because the wife I as in front of me was already a different person.
My wife started to grab my hand and say “ We’ll fight this and we’ll adopt.”
But I shook my head and turned to walk out the door. I still had my suitcase in the car so I drove to a hotel because I didn’t know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what.
At the hotel I was at least able to get out of reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over.
I finally was able to get a grasp on all my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that I knew exactly what I felt about every aspect and how I would react to it from here on out.
I get a call from my MIL saying that if I was at a hotel or “ wherever else” I should just stay there.
AITA for walking out? I admit it was done on impulse but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife’s life wide open.
I wasn’t going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night but I did at least make myself aware of my situation. And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away.
Conclusion
His impulsive departure from the hospital left his wife reeling, but his own internal turmoil reached a breaking point. Now, facing the ruins of their shared dream, he grapples with anger, disappointment, and a devastating question: can their relationship survive this seismic shock?
The path ahead is uncertain, marked by a devastating diagnosis and a husband’s explosive reaction. As the dust settles, only time will tell if this couple can find a way to rebuild their future, or if this tragedy will ultimately tear them apart.
Here’s how people reacted:
Your wife was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer and told she’s going to lose her uterus, and your reaction is to be angry at her for not wanting to have kids before she was ready?
What the actual fuck, dude. This isn’t about you. This is about her. She needed your support and you took off on her. You abandoned her in what might seriously be her greatest time of need. Because you were mad she didn’t bear you children.
You’re also the AH for your “I only ever wanted biological kids” bs. There are ways to have a family without her giving birth to them. What if it had turned out your wife was infertile? Or you were? Would you have decided that you just wouldn’t have kids?
Your MIL is right: stay away. Your wife doesn’t need your selfish, negative energy.
Okay, so obviously you guys had some unresolved issues. You did not agree with the idea that she should have a career – you would have rather she have become a mother to your children. Well, that pent up anger you have? That’s not on her. That’s on you, because you didn’t seek to resolve it in your relationship. You just got bitter about it and never talked it out. There were other roads to travel. There are plenty of career women who have children – they just have ultra supportive spouses. Anyhow, that’s in the past now.
>My wife started to grab my hand and say “ We’ll fight this and we’ll adopt.”
>But I shook my head and turned to walk out the door
So her first impulse was actually to turn to and comfort you? She’s just gotten a potentially terminal diagnosis, and she’s thinking about YOU and what she knew YOU wanted. Not her survival or well-being….. Then you rejected that.
Other people have already commented about how you still have the option for biological children together. That having been said, you were a complete and utter AH in the moment when you should have stepped up.
I’m actually personally angry myself, and this is a reddit post. So I can’t, in an unbiased manner, say what I’d advise as next steps. If you want to make this work, you’d better fucking grovel because you were very selfish that day. Be better.
You ditched your wife after she found out she has cancer, it’s not even up for discussion who the A-hole is here. Do you not remember the one sickness and in health’ part of marriage? You don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to being angry.
She finds out she has cancer and all you can think about is how this affects you.
So yeah, despite the disappointement and anger, YTA for how you reacted in the moment she needed you most as her life has changed too. It’s okay for you to be angry, it’s also understandable, but to be angry, blame her and walk out on her when she has just found out she has cancer is a dick move.
You are so shallow and acting like a drama queen. Here she is facing hysterectomy, oopherectomy, the whole works coming out–which, by the way, is major surgery and not a whole lotta fun, let me tell you–plus chemo and other cancer treatments, and all you can think about is how you won’t be able to have a “real” family and that she won’t be beautiful, young, and carefree. And she must have sensed you starting to go into a snit because *she* tried to comfort *you* when *you* should have been comforting *her*. Your wife needs support now. She’s going to be going through a rough time, but you’re clearly too much of a child to be there for her.
Newsflash: She’s more than just her womb. Did you love her for the person she is or because you thought she might produce a few kids for you? Clearly “in sickness and in health” were just words to you. I hope she tosses you out when she’s recovered.
You’re making it really hard to be civil.
YTA, YTA, a thousand times YTA.
Yeah, you should just stay at that hotel and wait for your wife’s lawyers to contact you about the separation agreement.