My daughter is 12 years old. She’s always struggled making friends but last school year met “Danielle”. To me, Danielle was a little bossy and cared a lot about popularity, obsessed with making my daughter popular but I figured she was just trying to help.
And she was nice. When the schools reopened, Danielle’s mom asked me if I wanted to carpool. She’d drive the kids in the morning and I’d pick them up along with Danielle’s older brother (14). I agreed.
At first it went well and the girls loved it. But one constant struggle was getting Danielle and her brother to wear their seat belts. This is a no argument situation for me, kid or adult, you’re wearing a seatbelt. I lost a friend in high school and it all could’ve been prevented had she worn it.
The kids constantly complained and would take them off. I talked to their mom and she kind of shrugged it off. Eventually, they got a little better about not arguing about it but still wouldn’t do it on their own.
It came to a head a few weeks ago. I had to stop at the post office before I brought them home. I parked my car, walked to the mailbox and came back. It took all of a minute, but in that time, Danielle and her brother had taken them off. I told them to put them back on.
They refused. I said I wasn’t driving until they put them on. They still refused. I called their mother, she didn’t answer. Called their father, he didn’t answer. Finally, I just followed through on my threat and sat there until they finally put them on.
It took 45 minutes. The whole time, my daughter kept begging me to just drive but I refused.
I drop them off. Back at home, their mom calls me, mad. She said I made her son late for a soccer game. I said he wouldn’t have been if he just wore his seatbelt. She told me I’m not their mom, so I don’t get to control them. I said if they’re in my car, they follow my rules.
It all ended with us agreeing to stop the carpool arrangement, which I was fine with. We finished the school year driving our own kids to school.
However, now Danielle’s mom says they can’t talk until I apologize to Danielle and her brother. I refuse. I did nothing wrong. My daughter is upset because Danielle is one of her few friends. My husband thinks I should fake an apology so our daughter can keep her friend.
I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m not setting an example that they can do whatever at my house and I won’t say anything. My daughter is hurt and furious, currently not speaking with me.
Conclusion
In a twist no one saw coming, a simple carpool agreement unravels, leaving a young girl caught in the middle of a war between mothers and unbreakable rules. Will a friendship survive this explosive fallout, or is this the end of the road?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your daughter might not realize it now, but you may have helped her dodge a bullet.
Edit: Thank you so much for my first awards! I will try and live up to them in future posts. Al’s, I’m glad that there are so many like-minded people about seatbelts.
Accidents happen in a second. Objecting to your children using a seatbelt is like saying I support drunk driving.
However, your policy and actions were absolutely right. Apologizing to save the friendship just means these kids will pull this garbage again.
Danielle’s whole family are assholes. The kids are refusing a simple and easy to fulfill request out if pure obstinacy and defiance. Instead of disciplining them, the mother bans contact with your daughter until you apologize for trying to keep her children safe?
These people are not a good influence and you need to keep them away from her. Shame on your husband for not having your back.
Honestly, it boggles my mind how anyone could be okay with their child not being properly restrained in a car. How dumb can you be?!
I had a terrible car accident when I was 16. I never wore my seatbelt bc I was dumb, but put it on literally 30 seconds before driving my car off a 20 ft cliff into a creek. I won’t even back a car out of a driveway without one now and absolutely will not move my car until everyone is buckled up.
The Mom you’re having problems with is raising her kids to be entitled brats. Apologizing will do nothing but enable them. It’s also a problem that you couldn’t get a hold of either parent when you had their kids. If this does get resolved, I’d think twice about letting your daughter spend the night at their house.
You did good Mom!
This may sound prideful, stubborn, whatever you may want to call it. But don’t apologize for anything. You set a perfect and clear example for these children. You shouldn’t have to parent someone else’s children, and it was your own car to begin with. Your daughter might need a new best friend, which shouldn’t be a problem because she is only 12.
If you’d been pulled over with kids under 18 not wearing a seatbelt, you’re legally responsible for that.
You were the responsible ADULT in the situation, doesn’t matter if you are their mother or not.
I hope your Forward this post to their mom, she can’t complain to anyone without looking like TA and a horrible mother.
Doing the right thing doesn’t always win you popularity contests, but it’s still the right thing to do.
You are keeping them safe. Heaven forbid something terrible happened to them like it did to you friends in high school.
Clarify the situation to your daughter: you would be perfectly happy for her to remain friends with Danielle. You would love for them to remain friends. And you aren’t the one preventing it.
Reframe the debate. Right now, it’s your lack of an apology that’s being blamed for the friendship falling out. That’s nonsense. The real reason is the other mother forbidding her daughter to talk to your daughter. Shift the blame to where it belongs.
You were absolutely in the right.