Prepare yourself for a narrative that delves into the depths of despair and the complexities of family dynamics. This is not just a tale of addiction; it’s a testament to the enduring power of hope and the possibility of redemption, even after the most heart-wrenching betrayals. The question lingers: can a fractured family truly heal when some wounds seem too deep to ever mend?
Witness the incredible journey of a sister battling her demons and the family left to pick up the pieces. The ending of this story will leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about forgiveness and the true meaning of family. You won’t believe how this chapter closes.
This probably sounds obvious, but there is more to it. Our sister passed 3.5 yrs ago, and my sister is just now coming back into my life since she has “straightened” herself out.
My younger sister Marty took a different path in life. She got expelled from school for vandalism, dropped out of high school multiple times. She got into heavy drugs and drinking. She ran away from home because my mother said it was drugs or family. After the first time she ran away, we allowed her to move back in when she saw the error in her ways.
That lasted about 3 weeks and she ran away again the day before Thanksgiving. This always rubbed me wrong because thanksgiving is the most family centered holiday my family does.
I was in college when she finally came back home a third time. She had, again, reportedly changed and my mom was really trying to support her getting her life straight not that she was 19. She enrolled in online high school and got a job. She still smoked like a chimney but promised she had stopped popping pills and smoking pot.
She stopped talking to her bad friends. She seemed like she was trying.
In Feb 2016, my sister Angie passed away unexpectedly at 15. She had a chronic health condition but was stable and improving. My parents were out of town and had to drive 5 hrs back knowing that their daughter had died. I was 8 hrs away at school and came home the next night.
My sister Lisa had been watching my younger siblings and felt responsible because she hadn’t checked on my sister until it was too late. Once my parents got there, they called an ambulance and the police.
Marty came into the house (having walked past the ambulance in the driveway and police cars in the street) high as a kite and drunk. She proceeded to throw up on the police chiefs shoes in the hallway and walk to the living room. When she was told my sister had died, she laughed and told them to quit pulling her leg.
She thought it was a joke and we were pulling a prank on her. It was clear everyone in the room was distraught and upset, so I don’t know how she thought they were faking it. The entire family (including our older brother in the military) came together to mourn, except Marty because she wanted “to be with her friends to grieve”.
Since then, Marty has had 2 kids a year apart with different dads. She did drugs while she was pregnant and couch surfed at friends. She has moved back in with my parents while pregnant the second time. She has finished her high school diploma in July and will be attending community college this month.
My mom and some friends insist that I give her another shot, she is a different person without the drugs and it was years ago. They think I should forgive her because she wasn’t in a right mind.
AITA if at family gatherings/holidays I ignore her/don’t engage her because I am still so upset that she thought we would lie about my sister dying?
Conclusion
After years of turmoil, heartbreak, and a path fraught with setbacks, a glimmer of hope has finally appeared. The sister who once seemed lost to the grips of addiction and despair has, against all odds, begun to find her way back. With a high school diploma in hand and plans for community college, she is showing tangible signs of a life transformed. The journey has been long and arduous, marked by devastating losses and profound betrayals within the family.
Yet, the question of reconciliation and true healing remains complex. While some family members urge for forgiveness and a fresh start, emphasizing the challenges she faced and the possibility of a changed person, others carry the deep scars of past trauma. The memory of her reaction during a profound family tragedy, a moment that tested the very bonds of love and grief, continues to cast a long shadow. Can the past truly be put aside, or will the echoes of that painful experience forever alter the landscape of their relationships?
The story concludes not with a simple resolution, but with a profound reflection on the nature of forgiveness and the resilience of the human spirit. It asks us to consider whether a person can truly shed their past self, especially when that past has inflicted such deep wounds on those closest to them. The future remains uncertain, but one thing is clear: this family’s journey is a powerful reminder that healing is rarely linear, and the path to peace is often paved with difficult truths and hard-won grace.
Here’s how people reacted:
Either way, go ahead and disown her – you have given her enough opportunities to improve but she just doesn’t seem to care.
Obviously you didn’t specify what drugs your sister was on, but under the influence it is totally understandable your sister thought your other sister’s death was some kind of cruel joke. She was obviously very intoxicated if she threw up on the police chief’s shoe, and clearly wasn’t in the right state of mind to deal with such a tragic event. Furthermore, denial is a very common coping mechanism in the face of such tragedy.
You wouldn’t be the asshole if other events were what made you not rekindle a relationship with her, but if this event is the only reason why, you would be the asshole.
> When she was told my sister had died, she laughed and told them to quit pulling her leg. She thought it was a joke and we were pulling a prank on her. It was clear everyone in the room was distraught and upset, so I don’t know how she thought they were faking it.
I get that you’re hurt by this, but some people honestly respond to shocking news with laughter, disbelief, denial. Even if they’re not high. Being high obviously made her reaction more obnoxious given her history and you have a right to be upset. You even have a right to go no-contact. Simply wanting to “disown” her would not make you TA. So for the first question, no. But there’s more to it:
> if at family gatherings/holidays I ignore her/don’t engage her because I am still so upset
You can go no-contact and you wouldn’t be TA but you want to continue going to family events that she will be at. That brings the rest of your family into it whether you like that or not. If you’re actively ignoring someone in a family setting, it will be uncomfortable for everyone. You should completely avoid any situations that she is in if you want to go no-contact. It doesn’t sound like you plan to do that.. so you are TA.
Your sister seems like a disaster, but it’s important to remember one very very very important factor: she was fucked up when she laughed off your sister dying. People who are fucked up drive the wrong way down the freeway, they get into fist fights with strangers, it’s inconsiderate but blackout drunk people really are mentally like little children.
Also, a fair amount of serious addicts have these problems because they’re trying to escape from something. Some people do just like to get fucked up, but many others use it as self-medication. Having a “holier than thou” attitude towards a troubled sibling just pushes them further down a dark path.
Holding your sister’s drug-fueled reaction to an unbelievably bad tragedy against her for years is not only unfair, it’s unhelpful for your own mental health. You don’t need to be great friends with Marty, but given that you already lost one sister, I suggest you find it in your heart to forgive this other one. She obviously has major issues, but I find it hard to imagine she thought you were all joking out of malice. She was just fucked up and couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was in denial.
Is it really worth disowning your sister over that?
>My sister Lisa had been watching my younger siblings and felt responsible because she hadn’t checked on my sister until it was too late. Once my parents got there, they called an ambulance and the police.
If you want to blame someone, you could just as easily blame the sister who was old enough to be left in charge but not competent enough to immediately call an ambulance. I’m not saying what happened was Lisa’s fault either, but this was the line in the story that actually upset me the most, not the drugged out sister’s reaction.
She was high and no one expects their 15 year old sister to die so if her immediate disbelief is the reason you want nothing to do with her, then you’re definitely an asshole. That said, if you just don’t want her in your life because of her consistent drug-fueled behavior, that’s understandable.
That having been said, NTA if you ignore her/don’t want to engage her because she’s destructive. You want to keep your life in order, and associating with her invites chaos. You want her to establish a long-term proven track record before coming back into your life.
That’s totally OK. Forever blaming her for not grieving in the manner you thought appropriate, however, is not.
Your sister is an addict by the sound of things. That’s an awful thing to deal with for everyone involved. It’s absolutely awful what happened to your other sister but honestly how was your sister to know that that day of all days was going to be one where she shouldn’t get high?
Honestly it just sounds like she needs help.