Could this simple birthday wish be the catalyst for a dramatic shift in their relationships? The daughter, an aspiring artist, felt her passion dismissed and her desires invalidated. Her mother’s response, a sharp critique of the very gift she encouraged her to choose, left her reeling. Was this a genuine misunderstanding, or was there something more sinister at play? The answer might just shock you.
The daughter, expecting a thoughtful gesture, was instead met with criticism and dismissal. The elaborate art set, a symbol of her dedication and growing talent, was reduced to mere ‘crayons.’ The disappointment was palpable, leading to a confrontation that threatened to shatter the celebratory spirit of her upcoming 18th birthday. The question remains: will this birthday be a celebration of growing up, or a stark reminder of unresolved family tensions?
I (17F) will be turning 18 in a couple of days, and naturally, my mom asked me to pick a present I want. My mother is not by any means a greedy or inconsiderate person. She raised me and my brother alone ever since I was old enough to remember and she’s been trying her hardest to care for us, which is why I respect and love her the most.
I asked for the same thing, a 120 colored pencils Faber Castell art set, 4 years ago as well. Taking into account my lack of experience back then, I dodged a bullet by not buying that as they’re mostly used by professionals and me, being a self taught artist, would have probably wasted them.
But I have improved these past few years, and I wanted to experiment with better art supplies. Mind you, I have mentioned the cost issue of the present I wanted initially, but she specifically told me not to pay attention to the price and just ask. So the money isn’t the issue.
Now I feel like I’m being punished for following her instructions. I know I should be grateful because a lot of defavored children would be lucky to even get a happy birthday and I AM. I try to mind my privilege as much as I can and keep in mind any present is good, but my mother has the bad habit of completely ignoring my tastes.
I’ve never been a “girly” girl. I just don’t like clothes and jewelry? They feel superficial which I dislike. My frustration lays mostly in the fact that this year, she told me to get what I wanted since its supposed to be a “special day.” And I’ve wanted these crayons for 4 whole years, so I tried my luck.
Barely takes a second for her to say “They’re just crayons. You can get better pencils at any store for way cheaper. They’re not even that good.” (Which, if you’re apart of the art community, you know that’s complete BS). My grandparents of course back her up and say they’re way too expensive for me to get.
Coming from the same people who wanted to get me a CAR before I even got my license or held a steering wheel in my LIFE, that’s not really saying much. I’m just mad because why would you insist for someone to tell you what present they want just to criticize it?
I got angry and told her that If she doesn’t want to get me what I asked for, she can just not get me any presents at all since I may not be petty enough to pown them, but I’d be bitchy enough to ignore them. With this pandemic going on, I do have the choice of holding a party within invite limit, but I just don’t want to anymore.
I know they won’t listen to me and just hold one anyway, but I’m seriously thinking of just? Not attending. I know it would just create more drama and I’m probably just upset, but hey.
Is this just me being a spoiled brat? Sorry this is kind of long, and if you read all of it, thanks! Have a good one.
Conclusion
The birthday girl’s defiance seemed to hang heavy in the air, a silent testament to her wounded pride. After her firm declaration that gifts were better left un-given than un-wanted, the family was left in a tense silence, the celebratory mood extinguished. She stood her ground, a young woman refusing to be placated with unwanted trinkets, a stark contrast to the car her grandparents once offered before she could even drive.
The ensuing days were fraught with unspoken accusations and the suffocating weight of potential drama. The pandemic offered a strange kind of solace, a potential escape route from a party that now felt more like a trap. The thought of simply not attending, a bold move for someone usually keen to celebrate, underscored the depth of her hurt and disillusionment. Would she truly shun the festivities, or would family pressure win out?
The story concludes with a poignant question hanging in the balance: was this simply a case of a teenager being overly sensitive, or a powerful stand against feeling unheard and unappreciated? The girl’s plea for her voice to be valued, even in the simple act of choosing a birthday present, resonates far beyond the realm of art supplies, leaving us to ponder the true meaning of thoughtful gifts and the delicate art of familial communication.
Here’s how people reacted:
I think it’s totally fair that you are upset, but not going to the birthday party isn’t going to help. It’ll make you look like a spoiled brat that only cares about her pencils while it’s much deeper than that.
I’d try talking to your mom about how this hurt your feelings instead.
This is a trend that will sadly stay with your family for the rest of your life. I’d just ask for a gift card for the amount they’re worth or when asked for presents again ask if it matters because they won’t get what you’d like anyways (this would probably lead to more fights but a vaild question in my opinion) .
As for the party, if you don’t feel like going, then don’t. In my experience it has never been a good birthday party when its planned by someone else or I’m just not feeling like associating with people.
The few times this happened to me I just asked for cash/gift cards. It definitely will upset people when they learn you got something they don’t approve of (my and my friends experiences with similar problems with art supplies). The two times they got me presents I didn’t like/couldn’t use (I have a ton of allergies so I can’t really be girly with make up unless I want to go to the emergency room) I sold/regifted them (once found out it upset the person who got me it- but they knew of my allergies).
I hope you can find a way to get the colored pencils, if its your first purchase I’d go with the 12 or 24 pack. If its not possible try and find a local brand that is better than what you have been using (I don’t know if your country would have something like that).
I NEVER touch her supplies, because I know that the paintbrush sitting there might have cost $50. So, i completely get it. It is sad that your Mom won’t listen to you so you can explain why it’s important to have the right tools. Do you want me to call her? lol
About the girly thing–my daughter was the same. Now, I’m not terribly girly but I love sewing, so when she was little I loved making cute dresses for her. But at about age 4 she pretty much said NO so instead of fairy princess outfits, I learned how to sew dragons. (Luckily my grand daughter is girly, so I get to make “frilly” things for HER)
Anyway, you are NTA, but 18 is a pretty important birthday. Will you regret it later if you don’t have the party–even if you don’t get the right gift? I am not suggesting you do this–just that it is something to think about.
My 10f daughter has been drawing for 4 years. She’s gotten more serious about it over the last year or so. I buy her FC pencils on the regular. I’ll get the smaller “themed” sets that are $10-$15. It’s really not that hard to care about what your children are passionate about. NTA
ETA: The “themed” colored pencils are actually from Prismacolor. We have both FC and Prisma pencils, and they’re both great.
I’m curious though: How much do the pencils cost where you live?
And yet, since it was only a little stretch of the budget, markers she got. She is an artist- in her very soul she sees the world differently than I do. And when she asks for specific art supplies, I know better than to even get a different set “because it’s more things for the same/better price!”. She knows what is worth it, what she needs/wants and that is enough for me. Even when it is a 20 dollar pencil LOL
If my cheap at heart soul can spring for the good supplies, you folks should listen to you and realize that this matters.
Maybe change your ask to “cash” and buy your own set!
(And have the party, if anyone asks what you would like tell them you are saving up so money would be appreciated)
I woke up on Christmas day super excited to receive even one of the presents that I had asked for, after all they’d been telling me for two months to let them know what I want so it’s basically a guarantee right?
Wrong. It was all cheap garbage from wish.com and stuff I hadn’t asked for.
Honestly I wouldn’t have even cared if they just hadn’t been so persistent about asking exactly what I wanted.
Disappointment is natural when someone build your hopes so high, and especially in your case it’s incredibly messed up to make fun of those hopes.
Good art supplies are expensive, but i will caution you about “sets” if it’s one of those multimedia styles I’d skip it and just get a pencils only set. usually the oil pastels and other mediums they put in those sets are poor quality and smaller than what you’d get otherwise, you’re really just buying the packaging and overall giftability of it.
Why can’t you ask for birthday money instead of a gift so you can get it yourself, maybe pooling some of your money? or show her how she can get it from michaels with a coupon? or even look yourself on these sources or even ebay, sometimes you can get a great bargain there. Or just say you need art supplies and would like a gift card to michaels, so they can’t nit pick your selections.
Try prismsacolor, i always liked them better.
However, how about asking for gift cards or money to a place that sells the pencils and just buying them yourself?
Voting ESH though – Your family isn’t taking your interest seriously though. They are NOTHING like regular pencil crayons, they are worth the money! I personally had access to art stores where I would buy one or two at a time as needed, especially if they were on overstock sale, and now after ~10 years I have a big bundle of Faber’s and prismas of just colours I use – though I think this likely is more expensive than just getting the full set though, and my art style isn’t super reliant on having a full colour range, I just use then for accents.
See if you can buy/borrow just one or two individual pencils so you can show them the difference – but really they should just trust your research. Maybe they have an interest you can use as an example? Like comparing a McDonalds hamburger to a porterhouse steak. Plastic shoes vs leather shoes. A Starbucks to go cup to a crystal wineglass. Yes, they do the job, but they don’t last as long, look as good or feel as comfortable.
It’s a present , you’re 17, it’s not that deep.