Good for you for standing your ground! And don’t feel bad for reporting Carrie to the police. You did her a favor. If she doesn’t get punished when she is young for doing bad things, she will continue to do these things when she is older, and only get herself in more trouble.

Additionally, being sad/shocked doesn’t mean that she can do anything she wants. She can let out her anger/grief by talking. Scratching up someone’s car and causing 6000 euros in damage simply isn’t acceptable.

I’m sorry your marriage turned out like this.

I hope you have a re-payment plan in writing with your ex-wife.

Man, I feel for Carrie. She fucked up, and you’re doing what you gotta do, but that girl so *obviously* has spent the last 5 years crying for help and it took an inciting event like this and her breaking up a marriage for her mother to realize she needed therapy after her father died unexpectedly.

Moral of this story: THERAPY IS GOOD, PEOPLE, PLEASE IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA OR A MENTAL ILLNESS OR ARE JUST STRESSED OR SAD AND YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ONE SEE A THERAPIST

Well, this is about as good as this situation was going to turn out. Good on you.

I am slightly curious however; what did Carrie have to say about all this? how did she react to getting charged?

I’m glad to hear that things are falling into place. Must been hard for you take legal actions against her and divorce but I think both things are the best for all the parties implied.

As a parent as well as a step-parent, I’m a bit angry on Carrie’s behalf. She should have been in therapy immediately after her father’s passing, or at least as soon as it became evident that you and Andy were serious about each other.

I’m absolutely not condoning her behavior and agree that she needs to be held accountable, but Andy really dropped the ball here and now everyone is feeling the impact of her negligence.

After reading your first post, that girl needed therapy directly when you guys notice her behavior.

I think you’re doing the right thing. Your ex let a lot of things go, even when Carrie was showing a lot of signs of behavior that needed intervention. It cost her her marriage. And it also almost cost Carrie most of her future. Court ordered intervention (if it’s rehab) might actually be the best thing for her in the long run. My parents’ former neighbors kids’ both had heroin problems. At one point, the broke into another neighbor’s home and stole things to feed their habit. The parents just brushed it off, so the neighbors felt like they had no choice but to press charges. It caused friction, but the resultant legal intervention proved to be what one of the kids needed to get treatment. They’re now clean, married, and gainfully employed with kids of their own.

How did you have a pre-nup and get divorced in 3 weeks but not have comprehensive car insurance? That does cover vandalism as far as I’m aware.

Stepparents don’t get enough credit. It can be incredibly difficult and stressful to deal with a child that isn’t your own, especially a teenager. I’m sorry you had to go through all that but I think you made the right call.

My husband and I are separated and the second I left, the kids turned on me. We’re still together (just living separately) so family functions are fucking awful for me now. If this shit goes south (which it probably will), I am NEVER dating someone with kids again and plan to be child-Free from here on out. Unchecked kids can be a n absolute nightmare.

Good job bro. I have respect it was probably hard for you splitting up with Andy. But I think it’s best for all of you, and I’m glad Carrie is getting the help she really needs. And stay safe!

holy fuck. since I missed the original, I’m just gonna let you know now that *YTA. YTA YTA YTA* for letting things escalate in your family for months and months, and instead of getting the kid fucking THERAPY for her obviously severe issues resulting from SEVERE TRAUMA that you knew about, you decided to just yell at her and tell her to clean up her mess, and decided to do literally nothing, to never have a serious conversation with your wife about the trauma the kid had endured and how to get her professional help, and then when shit finally blows up because you and your wife decided not to be adults and not get your stepdaughter help for her trauma, you called a CHILD an evil little bitch and kicked them onto the street in the middle of the night.

the fact that you got coddled by a bunch of vengeful, immature people on your original post (and i’m sure again on this one) is exactly why you don’t get advice from a bunch of 20- or 30-something bros on reddit who think nice cars are the most important thing in the world and who never experienced childhood trauma and who have absolutely no experience with approaching child grief, mixed family dynamics, you know, like the kind of things a *PROFESSIONAL* has experience treating.

you let this escalate, you did nothing, you never talked to your wife like an adult, you never did anything to be proactive about this issue, it sounds like you are not mature enough to even be in an adult marriage as you are clearly incapable of communicating with your partner, and you are *definitely* TA, along with your ex-wife. the only one here who is NOT the asshole is the kid that experienced a severe trauma, whose mom quickly married and moved in with another dude (why did you propose so quickly?), and whose mom and stepdad never made any sort of effort to get her the help she clearly needed while her emotions were taking over more and more and bottling up more and more. god. seriously, how do two adults in a supposedly adult marriage just do nothing about something like this? YTA.

ESH. This girl has lived with you for a year and has been obviously mentally unwell for the entire time, and nobody thought to get her professional help??? Her dad died when she was 11, and her mom forced her to move in with you before she was ready. She has been begging you guys for help and sending clearer and clearer messages, and your response is to call her names, kick her out of your home, and call the police, with the hope that THEY will send her to psychiatric counseling???

I understand that the kid wrecked your stuff, but you and your ex both completely dropped the ball. You married a woman with a traumatized daughter. That’s a package deal, and you knew what you were getting into. I really hope that kid gets the help she needs. She deserves better than this.

> She wanted to continue with our marriage and give it a second chance,

I laughed out loud. Good riddance.

I’m glad to hear you got a somewhat happy ending out of all this. While it sucks you and your wife weren’t able to work things out, you made the right choice. I can’t imagine how much stress Carrie put on you. Hopefully, this will serve as a wake-up call for both her and your ex. Thanks for the update and take care of yourself.

So here I go losing karma for daring to defy the herd, but seriously? OP is an asshole. Why didn’t he help suggest the kid get counseling? Oh and how kind of him to offer that his new wife and her child move in with him. Don’t most married couples live together? Also, calling the kid names and screaming at her when she acted out?? Yes she did wrong but she also needs help. Help no one is giving her. The mom isn’t the only one who dropped the ball. When this guy got involved with the mom he was also getting involved with her child, they were a package deal. Op could’ve suggested therapy instead of screaming. And suing a 16 year old child is just ridiculous. Op is an asshole in my book, and I feel sorry for anyone who has had such limited contact with good men that they actuall feel OP’s behavior has been acceptable. I truly hope you all meet better human beings in the future.

Like I get why you had to report her at this point but both you and her mother should have seen this coming… she was already acting out before living with you and instead of trying to figure out why, you two just took the relationship further and further. I’m not sure why either of you thought this would improve on it’s own, especially after she started literally breaking dishes. That is not normal behavior, hello. She obviously wasn’t ready for what was happening and both of you just ignored it and hoped for the best.

I also find it a little weird that people are saying the daughter should have “asked” for help. Her mother obviously never spoke to her about feelings, or how to handle them, or how to reach out. I grew up in a very emotionally-distanced household and went through a depression of 5 years (during my teens/early 20s) before I ever had the courage to talk to anyone about it… and my mom still has no idea it ever even happened despite us having an otherwise good relationship now. So I definately don’t expect an 11-16 year old girl to say “hey so I’m dealing with some complicated shit and might need therapy” it should be up to her guardians to notice the blatant red flags.

Yeah, under normal circumstances one would expect this girl to know right from wrong… but these weren’t normal circumstances. She was obviously desperately crying out for help in the only way she knew how and the adults in her life refused to proactively acknowledge it until a car got ruined.

Oh thank heavens! I worried about you honestly, since the daughter seemed to be escalating the violence and Andy seemed so complaisant about it. It wasn’t going to become any easier for you.

NTA once again and so glad you are taking care of yourself, first and foremost. I’m also so sorry your marriage ended but Andy wasn’t willing to do the hard parenting of her own child.

It’s sounds like Carrie has been acting out trying to get thrown out. She chose to damage the car because she knows how much you value it. If you hadn’t kicked them out after the car she would have escalated yet again. Breaking dishes, leaving glass on the floor and being rude to the neighbors didn’t work so she went for the car. She was coldly calculating.

Kicking them out was the only thing you could do to make her vandalism stop.

It’s for the better that you two just remain friends. Your now ex is an enabler who didnt get her daughter therapy after her dad died. Her first priority before finding someone new should’ve been taking a breather and getting her daughter therapy to cope with the loss.