As the credits rolled and the children retired for the night, a conversation took a shocking turn. What started as a casual chat, perhaps fueled by a bit too much wine, erupted into a heated debate that would leave everyone questioning their relationships.
The father, a doting parent who cherished physical affection, was blindsided when his in-laws, and even his wife, declared his innocent cuddles with his teenage daughter inappropriate. The shock of their judgment, especially coming from people he deeply respected, was almost as profound as the words themselves.
I have 3 kids, 15F, 12F and 7M. My oldest has always been a cuddler, and that suits me fine because I am too. Recently my in laws were over, and we were all watching a movie together. It was a kids movie, and so my 15yo was bored out of her mind and tired, so she started to snuggle up to me and go to sleep.
After the movie was over, we sent all the kids to bed/their rooms and got chatting for a bit longer. There was a fair bit of wine involved (I was sober though), and eventually after a short silence my FIL let it drop that he thought it was inappropriate I still cuddled with my 15yo.
I don’t really know why he brought it up suddenly, but I was prepared to laugh it off and just assumed it was the alcohol. To my surprise, my wife and MIL both agreed with him.
I have a lot of respect for my in-laws, I get along with them great and I consider them closer than my own parents. Obviously I’m quite fond of my wife as well, but I outright told them to “fuck off and go fuck themselves” and then left them and went to bed.
I’ve never spoken to any of them like that before, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. They all want me to apologize for being so rude to them. AITA?
Edit due to info request: We were not spooning, she was sitting next to me laying on my chest.
Edit of my own free will: Idk if it’s important info, but I didn’t yell.
Edit: I think I’ve read most everything now, thanks for all the messages of support and hate, I liked them all. Some people asked me to make an update post, I don’t think I will, sorry. I’ve been speaking to them over the past few days and I know why they said what they said (although it’s not relevant to me telling them to fuck off), but it’s pretty personal and I don’t feel like sharing.
I wont be apologizing to any of them, especially now that I know their reasoning. I love my wife, but it hurts that she doesn’t trust me.
Conclusion
The aftermath of this explosive confrontation left the father at a crossroads, demanding an apology from those who dared to question his parenting and his love.
Despite the pressure from his wife and in-laws, he stood his ground, refusing to apologize for defending his family and his boundaries. The incident served as a stark reminder that even the strongest bonds can be strained by misunderstanding and judgment.
In the end, the father’s unwavering resolve and refusal to back down from his principles ultimately dictated the fate of his relationships, leaving everyone to ponder the true meaning of family, trust, and the unspoken rules that govern them.
Here’s how people reacted:
You cuddle your damn kid. It’s lovely that she feels so comfortable with you. They’re projecting their own disgusting thoughts and it’s bullshit.
You shouldn’t be apologising to them, they should be apologising to you for the implication.
It’s a cuddle, not a fondle. Just because they are making it sexual doesn’t mean you or your daughter are.
Edit: Thank you /u/danneb92 and anonymous stranger for my first Gold 🙂
It means you two have a strong comfortable bond and it should be celebrated.
And please, don’t hit me with that (sHe Is A wOmAn nOw, ItS wRoNg (in a sexual way)
If the daughter is okay with it, then its not sexual harassment or anything like that. Its the love of a parent for his kid, which awesome af!
I mean I’m an 16 year old male, and I still let my family hug and cuddle with me. Because I love them. And the only thing it makes me is realize that they love me too.
So, clearly not the Asshole!
FUCK, and I cannot stress this enough, them. You have an actual, mutual, loving bond with your teenage daughter. So many parents would kill for that! I mean, yeah what you said was rude, but don’t apologize to them unless they’ll apologize back for trying to invalidate your bond with your child. And for perpetuating toxic masculinity. But make sure you only apologize for using the f bomb, they’re in the wrong here.
I’m not a touchy person, but I still like a hug from my dad as an adult.
Your wife is an asshole for perverting your innocent time with your daughter.
Everyone is assuming what the implications here are, and they’re probably wrong.
The problem with cuddling isn’t that you’re being sexual with your daughter. The implication could be (and is in some families) that you have an emotionally inappropriate relationship with your daughter.
Sometimes parents want/let their kids fill inappropriate roles. Companionship, friend, confidant.
Often times when a non-sexual aspect of an adult relationship is missing, a parent will let their child fill that role. This can be same or opposite gendered child.
It’s dysfunctional and hurts the child the most. The child is a willing participant bc what kid wouldn’t want to be special or hold an elevated position in their parent’s life. They feel important and valued. The problem is they’re being used to fill a need in the parent.
In situations like this, there is no sexual touch, but there can be non-sexual touching that is still inappropriate.
It’s very hard to break this kind of dynamic bc on the surface, everyone is getting what they want. Child feels close to parent, parent feels close to child also but it’s not a level playing field.
Child usually feels very loved. But the relationship is based on the parent’s needs, not the individuality of the child, so the child’s identity is enmeshed with the parent. This is very bad. Many of these girls grow up saying they’re a “daddy’s girl” but they have issues with being able to form healthy relationships with others both in teen years and adult years.
I’m not saying this is the case in your family- I have no idea. But the fact that your wife chimed in that it makes her uncomfortable is a red flag.
If everything is healthy and functional, it’s unlikely that your wife would feel an aversion to what she saw.
Maybe do an emotional health check of your relationship with your wife, and take a critical thinking check of your relationship with your daughter just to make sure healthy boundaries are in place.
All that being said, fathers are so important and having a close relationship with your child is crucial. Just make sure it’s balanced.
My dad and I are pretty close now (30 years later). But he’s still not very affectionate with me. I, on the other hand, grew into being extremely needy for affection in my relationships. I’m lucky I have a bf who loves cuddling.
Still though, it makes me sad to think there was a day when my dad would hug me for the last time and neither of us realized it.
Hug your kids. Hug them forever.
However, please don’t let this slip. FIL is sexualising your daughters. Take heed of that. Be careful.
I hope so much that my kid will still want cuddles with me at that age!