From the outset, there were signs that this arrangement might not be the perfect solution. The offered payment seemed surprisingly high for the minimal effort involved, but the couple, desperate for reliable help, overlooked their initial reservations. They needed to focus on their demanding new jobs, and a helping hand from family felt like the ideal arrangement. Little did they know, this decision would unravel in ways they could never have predicted, leading to a dramatic confrontation.
The situation quickly deteriorated as the mother began noticing alarming changes in her home. What was supposed to be a simple babysitting gig turned into a constant battle against chaos. The person they entrusted with their children and home seemed to have a completely different agenda, leading to stress, extra work, and a growing sense of unease. The dream job was quickly becoming a living hell.
Back 4 months ago both my husband and I landed the same job, making fantastic pay. This job pays $28 an hour so this was HUGE for us. The problem is that it’s overnight shifts so we needed a sitter for the kids. We asked MIL to do so, she said yes and we told her to pick what she felt was a fair amount for payment.
She said $300 on the 3 day weeks and $400 on the 4 day weeks. (12hr shifts)
I will admit I was a bit thrown off with that price ONLY because she didn’t get here until after the kids (all over 12) were already sleeping and left before they woke up so all she did was use our hot water, eat all our food and sleep. I didn’t say anything because it’s really long hours and we needed someone.
It turned to shit quick. Every work day we get out at 5:30 and have an hr drive home. She is blowing up our phones by 5:50-6am asking where we are and telling us to hurry up. We get home to filth, created by her because my kids are sleeping the whole time (like garbage beside the chair/sofa where she sleeps, dirty dishes everywhere), dog shit (apparently she wasn’t bringing the dog out) and found she’s been letting the dog sleep on our bed (absolute big no-no), as well as feeding our dog table scraps (I only know this because she all the sudden begs constantly when she didn’t before).
Between me trying to manage this new sleeping schedule and me having to un-do everything she did while here, I decided I couldn’t do it. This was following her calling us out of work twice because her back hurt and she wanted to go home. So, I spoke to my husband and told him I wasn’t paying her to watch our kids anymore because she’s creating more problems than she’s worth and that he needed to “let her go”.
He agreed but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I told him I could do it. He decided it would be better if we both did so we called her on speaker and told her this wasn’t working out. When she asked why, we were pretty blunt in our reasoning. She trashes the house, she eats everything in sight (even stuff we said don’t touch), she doesn’t follow our rules about the dog and she cost us almost $1300 for having us leave work within an hour of being there because of her back.
She starts yelling and saying she quit her job to do this (we had no idea she quit or WHY considering she didn’t work the days we did) and that we were heartless because this was her only income now. My husband was visibly uncomfortable but we stood out ground.
He is feeling some type of way because now he’s questioning whether or not she was causing **that many** issues. He isn’t seeing it the way I do however because he’s not the one who deals with all the problems, I am. I do the grocery shopping and have had to go several times more than I usually do after not sleeping.
I’m the one who cleans (he does other chores). AITA? He feels terrible, I do not.
ETA: minimum wage where I am is $7.25 an hour; For those very few individuals who think that what I was paying her wasn’t enough (it’s above minimum wage).
Conclusion
The tension reached a boiling point, and the couple knew they had to make a difficult decision. They couldn’t continue down this path, sacrificing their peace of mind and their home for an arrangement that was causing more harm than good. When they finally decided to address the issues head-on, the conversation took a sharp and unexpected turn, revealing a stark difference in perspective between the mother and her mother-in-law.
What followed was an explosive confrontation, with accusations flying and emotions running high. The mother-in-law, seemingly blindsided by the couple’s decision, reacted with anger and disbelief, claiming she had quit her own job for this opportunity and painting herself as the victim. The husband, caught in the middle and swayed by his mother’s claims, began to doubt the severity of the problems his wife had been dealing with, creating a rift between the couple themselves.
In the end, the couple stood their ground, prioritizing the well-being of their family and home over maintaining a toxic relationship. While the husband grappled with guilt and second-guessing, the wife remained resolute, unwilling to compromise on the standards she had set. The story concludes with a clear message: sometimes, the most difficult decisions are the ones that lead to the greatest peace, even if they come at a significant emotional cost.
Here’s how people reacted:
~~You’ll never get an overnight baby sitter for $100 a night. At least not a sitter you’d trust with your kids welfare.~~
” She trashes the house, she eats everything in sight (even stuff we said don’t touch), she doesn’t follow our rules about the dog and she cost us almost $1300 for having us leave work within an hour of being there because of her back.”
You can’t trust this sitter with your kids.
NTA
Edit: I’m done with the regional difference in baby sitters’ pay discussion. Let’s stay on target with the actual issue at hand, please.
$100 per night to “babysit” 13 and 14 year olds and be the adult present just in case something goes wrong?
Hon, for that price I’d also throw in organizing school lunches, having breakfast ready for you when you get back and the house would be so tidy you wouldn’t know I had been there.
INFO: is your MIL a raccoon?
The reason you hire a babysitter is to help make your life a little easier while you take care of your business.
If it’s making your life harder, it’s not worth paying up the ass for.
It’s best to not hire family for future reference imo. Things get sticky real fast.
Sweet dear lord baby Jesus, she was literally getting paid to *cost* you money. I think she heard, “oh gracious my ship done come in and imma get paid to watch my stories and snarf all this tasty food (I didn’t buy)”. Otherwise, why quit *her whole job*? Sorry for the crazy MIL, but you know you aren’t even a teeny bit wrong here babe, hubby will just have to deal with mummy butt hurt-ness. Oh, and watch out for the cash grabbing now that she’s out of work….
NTA
Your husband wants to cave and reconsider? Fine. Here’s how it works. You have a *written agreement*, signed by all three of you, that lays out how you expect MIL to perform her “duties” while in your employ. Food to be respected, trash to be picked up, dog to be let out (or mess cleaned up by her if she “forgets”). Specificy the hours she is expected to be on the job (arrival and end of shift), and that the only contact will be from you if you are running late getting home. Specific consequences for failing to meet the expectations and duties outlined in writing above. Specify pay and pay dates.
Also, make sure your husband understands that if ***his mother*** leaves any kind of a mess, etc., it will be ***his responsibility*** to pick up after her, clean any mess, or do the grocery shopping to restock what she took that she shouldn’t have.
She’ll squeal and cry foul (your husband may, as well). Let them suggest a compromise that does not in any way shape or form involve you having to do extra work because of her, or having to shell out extra grocery money.
Good luck.
If she wanted to bring food, she could bring food – not eat stuff you had planned to use. We all bring food to work but she wasn’t thinking of it as ‘work’ . She considered it an opportunity to veg in somebody elses house. I leave the work place in the same condition I find it.
It was an easy job. Now you just need to find somebody who is almost homeless who would welcome an opportunity to enjoy your home quietly.
Oh, she was hoping for something to replace her day job that would be easy.
But like, you didn’t ask her to quit. You didn’t even know she quit.
And her quitting her job shouldn’t mean you have to keep her as a babysitter when she’s making your life worse. That’s on her.
It’s also telling that instead of apologizing and saying she’ll do better, she doesn’t bother with that at all and goes right to her income.
She was looking to take advantage and is now trying to make you the bad guy for her choices.