His sister, once a close confidante, has undergone a radical transformation. Embracing a stricter interpretation of their faith, she has become estranged from the very mothers who raised her, even publicly denouncing their “deviant lifestyle.” Now, with a newfound, albeit conflicted, desire to reconnect with her past, she seeks the pride flags, claiming they are the only tangible link to the mothers she has so publicly rejected. Will he relinquish these powerful symbols, or stand firm against a tide of hypocrisy that threatens to erase his mothers’ legacy?
My ma recently died to cancer (my maman died about 5 years prior) and between the two of them there were very few material possessions that my sister, brother, and I would get in the will (we got a lump sum from selling their apartment and freedom to split how we liked, down the middle was always our go-to). Ma gave a bunch of stuff away while she was in hospice so pretty much the only sentimental things left were 2 pride flags that she and maman had sewn about 15 years ago (things such as books, college hoodies, etc went to my brother, my cousin, and family friends).
Recently, my sister has been pestering me for the pride flags because she’s the only family member with no sentimental items from our mothers. However, she has become very evangelical since she went to high school, she attended a Christian university that forbids LGBT students and recently married a strict southern baptist priest who regularly gives homophobic sermons.
She started distancing herself from our mothers and fighting with them about “raising her in a deviant lifestyle” since getting married, something that hurt them deeply. I asked why she wanted giant handsewn pride flags and she said that she was sorry about the way she treated our mothers for being gay and that it was time to come to terms with the fact that they were gay and that even though it was a sin she still loved them.
I don’t want to give up the flags. My ma was very supportive when I was questioning my sexuality and eventually came out as bi and I don’t want someone who hates gay people to inherit something so symbolic from a lesbian couple. But she says that it’s all she will be able to have as a keepsake.
AITA?
Edit: for the INFO votes There’s not much stuff that we can offer to her because our mothers lived very minimally and the only sentimental stuff they had they gave to specific family members according to the relationship they had with those people (their women’s college hoodies for a cousin going to the same school, old books for my brother who studied french literature, gay flag for me, their gay child).
Their relationship with my sister became very fraught so they didn’t know what to leave for her.
Edit 2: thanks for the suggestions. I called my sister and we agreed on our cousin handing over an old college shirt and my brother and I doing a drawing of our mothers. Took a little convincing her that she would have an easier time reconciling these things with her faith but she is okay with it and will store it somewhere private.
Turns out that she just felt very uncomfortable talking to our cousin or brother, since my brother is taking the death the hardest and she was never close with our cousin because our cousin became close to our family just as she was drifting away.
Conclusion
The saga of the pride flags has reached its emotional climax, and the young man’s decision has sent ripples through his fractured family. Despite his initial reservations about his sister’s motives and her newfound, religiously-tinged rejection of their mothers’ identity, a surprising resolution has emerged. Through open communication and a willingness to compromise, the siblings have managed to bridge the chasm that had separated them.
In a poignant twist, the sister has agreed to a compromise, one that allows her to honor her mothers’ memory without compromising her deeply held beliefs. The pride flags will remain with the brother, a testament to his mothers’ unwavering support. Instead, the sister will receive a cherished college shirt and a heartfelt drawing created by her siblings, mementos that symbolize their shared history and enduring love. This unexpected turn of events offers a glimmer of hope, suggesting that even in the face of deep-seated conflict, reconciliation and understanding can prevail.
The story serves as a powerful reminder that family, while complex and often challenging, is built on love and shared experience. The young man’s journey, from initial heartbreak to a courageous stand for his mothers’ legacy, culminates in a testament to the resilience of familial bonds. In the end, the true inheritance was not material, but the enduring love and acceptance that his mothers had always shown him, a love that ultimately found a way to heal and unite a divided family.
Here’s how people reacted:
As a card-carrying gay, I want to add: if my mother hand-sewed pride flags and then left them to me in her will, and if somehow, by a horrible twist of fate, my beloved sister started becoming homophobic and asked for them, my first instinct would be to never let her SEE those flags, much less have them. My mind immediately jumps to the flags being destroyed, or defaced, or mocked, and it turns my stomach.
If your sister is so willing to disrespect your mothers’ legacy, what right does she have to keepsakes of them?
You also mentioned that your sister ended up hurting your ma and maman with her views, and rereading, it doesn’t seem like your sister got many (if any) keepsakes. That was probably intentional. People can and do change and realize they made mistakes, but when you hurt people like it sounds like your sister hurt your ma, sometimes they just have to cope with the consequences.
Finally, given as you yourself are bi, this seems like an incredibly meaningful gift meant specifically for you and you alone, which your sister has little right to ask you for.
Sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry you lost your moms 💕
I wouldn’t be surprised if something happened to them if you gave them to her, if she didn’t destroy them, I can’t see the Southern Baptist Priest you described letting them be in the house. Isn’t there Anything else from your Ma that she could have as a keepsake?
It sounds like your sister is or has been struggling with how to reconcile her religious beliefs and her mothers’ orientations, which is unfortunate, but it doesn’t entitle her to reshuffle these items that were inherited. I think most people would agree that there’s also a real risk they won’t be treated with the respect they deserve or otherwise celebrated in your sister’s home.
And don’t let her near them, including leaving her alone in your home.
Oh she can fuck right off with that bullshit. NTA. She’s probably struggling with her beliefs right now, but I’m a very vindictive person and I would straight out ask her if she thinks that her mothers are in Hell. Maybe then she will realise what horrific version God she follows.
And if your mothers wanted her to have a sentimental object, they would have left something for her.
I treasure the few photos my sister allowed me to have. If you could possibly find anything to give her it would go a long way. Even a small token.
Estrangement with a family member at the time of death whether justified or not can never be healed , apologized away or undone. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Good luck and Blessings.