NTA, you made a point of asking, they said nothing, then let SD eat not just something that randomly contained peanuts, but a peanut butter cookie without bothering to check.

They sound like lousy parents/stepparents tbh. My husband has a nut allergy and I check and double-check food all\*the\*time when I shop or when we eat out, I make a point of reminding friends and relatives when we visit, etc.

NTA

As the parent of a child with peanut allergies, you can’t expect the world to pay attention to this for you. Ultimately it’s going to be the child/parents responsibility. Peanut allergies are common but you can’t expect the world to just give up peanut.

My 5 year old knows how to ask if foods have peanuts before eating. We’ve also been showing up to parties with a desert in hand for our child because 99 times out of 100 the desert/treats are not peanut safe. Very rarely does someone go out of their way to be peanut safe without being told in advance.

For the 8-year old not to ask/know, or the parents to not mention it or inquire is a bit puzzling. Bad situation overall but I wouldn’t hold you responsible if this was my child. It wasn’t your responsibility and you did ask.

This can’t be real.

If it is, NTA at all. If a little kid has an allergy it’s the parents: responsibility to ask/tell and to educate their kid tondo the same.

Edit: You were overly generous by paying the copay in the first place.

NTA. You paid the ER copay, that was already more than you needed to do. People with allergies are the ones ultimately responsible for providing visibility on them. If there’s a dinner event coming up and I’m allergic to a very common thing, then I’d let everyone know and be sure to have an epi pen on hand just in case. Or I’d at least ask before blindly eating cookies that multiple family members already know are peanut butter, ones that probably smelled very obviously like it too.

NTA

He never mentioned his SD had a peanut allergy beforehand, so it would have been his and his wife’s responsibility to ask if anything contained peanuts on the day of the dinner. You can’t plan for something you have no idea it might even be an issue.

>some are getting into me for having anything peanut related cause “everybody” has peanut allergies nowadays

Obviously not, since everyone in your family loves them. And if you leave out everything someone might be allergic to just to be cautious, you end up with nothing to eat other than a plain piece of meat which some people still wouldn’t eat because they are vegetarians, vegans or whatever else there is.

NTA. It’s possible your cousin didn’t know his step daughter was allergic to them. Her mother is totally responsible for her. She is 8! Shouldn’t her mother have been checking everything she wanted to eat knowing she had an serious allergy. Doesn’t seem there is a relationship to save with your cousin. Keep a record of the chat where he does not disclose her allergy – just in case they take legal action.

You are NTA. Smart “Peanut Parents” including Steps, carry around an epi-pen and Claritin or Benadryl, and make sure their kid is savvy about what they ingest. When that child is old enough, they carry their own medicine because in spite of precautions, stuff happens. No hate on your cuz and peanut girl’s Ma, but this is their financial responsibility. I’d advise them calling the hospital to negotiate something more sensible.

Info… Thanksgiving… That was 15-16 days ago.

I used to work in billing. The fastest we could get a bill adjudicated by insurance was 17 days after we dropped the completed claim into the queue. Before we could drop the bill into the insurance queue, we had to get codes applied, reports dictated and filed, and signatures. That would take several days. Maybe their EMR system is more efficient. That included amounts applied to the deductible.

Then there was the lag from when the insurance determined the amount that was due from the patient and the bills went out to the patient. (Patient bills are run on a set cycle. On the day the bills with that last name ran, the system would send a bill for any account with a patient balance. If your last name went out the day before the insurance cleared, you didn’t get a bill for a month.) Then you had the time it took to mail the bill to the patient. Now, they could have printed the bill off the portal, ok, but, still, Is the $5K the total amount that was sent to the insurance carrier, or the amount that was actually due from the patient?

*That’s a whole lot of technical gobbledegook for are they showing you the Itemized statement – which actually means nothing unless you are private pay, and even then is negotiable – or are they showing you the actual patient due? The $500 copay was definitely due at the time of service, though. I would have several questions to see if cousin wasn’t pulling something.*

As far as actually having peanut butter cookies in the first place, you didn’t know. Not everyone has allergies. We don’t do peanut butter cookies at my house, but we do reeses, and I buy my peanut butter in Costco quantities. You need to warn me if you are allergic, or you are SOL. So, N T A on the cookies. You asked. They didn’t tell you.

ETA – Changed raw bill to itemized statement.

NTA
Especially if he explicitly said there are no allergies.
If he was at a restaurant there is no way the restaurant would be held liable.

NTA, you shouldn’t have even paid the $500 copay. It’s their responsibility to make sure their kid doesn’t eat foods she is allergic to. I’m sure there were plenty of other options of things for her to eat.

NTA, you asked they answered. And you catered. They should have been more responsible. You’re not a psychic that would read into these things on who is secretly allergic to what, and I doubt even psychics can.

Definitely NTA. Your cousin should’ve spoken up when asked. You had no reason to believe anyone would’ve been allergic to anything you made. You asked. That’s really all you could’ve done. Even paying the co-pay was extremely generous and imo not necessary. You’ve done enough. He’s just mad he made a huge mistake and is trying to pin the blame on somebody other than himself.

NTA. And make sure you print off copies of that text so if they try to sue you you have proof

NTA. you’ve already been kinder than i’d be. i’d tell them and their bill to fuck off at this point. also, peanut butter cookies are distinctive, how did they not notice? that’s on them.

NTA……My children are grown now…BUT when they were little I was the food police and with allergies I didn’t let them eat anything with out asking anybody what was in anything BEFORE it went into their mouth!

NTA. The parent is responsible for the welfare of their child; they need to tell people, check the desserts etc, You would be responsible if you forced the cookie on the child, knowing they were allergic.

NTA. It’s the mother’s responsibility to be aware of her child’s allergies and make sure her child doesn’t consume anything with said allergen.

NTA – you asked, they ignored. It’s a parent’s responsibility to manage their child’s allergies until such time as the kid can self manag!

Edited to add: I think paying the co pay was more than generous personally I’d be asking for reimbursement!

Info: why don’t they have insurance?

NTA, it’s the mom’s responsbility to make sure her kid is safe.

Also:

>The bill is about $6k.

‘Murica, fuck yeah! Bestest country in the world! Free healthcare is communism!1!!1!!eveven!!