NTA

My husband and I just went to Jamaica last April. We rented a car and saw 3/4 of the parishes; ate all over the island by asking locals the best places to go; took in a much history as we could; and literally only slept at the resort. To this day I still cook the half a dozen recipes I brought back with me. I buy all authentic product and have it shipped to me.

Visiting a resort in a foreign country isn’t seeing the country.

NTA. Staying at a Sandals resort is not cultural immersion. It’s YOUR culture. Rolling your eyes at someone who has knows nothing about it is not “gatekeeping.” It’s a perfectly reasonable response to a clueless tourist.

Not everyone wants to immerse themselves in the food and culture of a place they visit. Sometimes we just want to get away from the cold for a week. That’s fine. Presumably the country benefits from having visitors or, at least the benefits such as jobs outweigh the issues visitors might cause? That being said, we wouldn’t assume for a second that we have seen the country or understand the lives of the residents. NTA

NTA…Um why she lie? She didn’t immerse herself in anything. She just wanted to humble brag and got Uno reversed instead. Additionally, she clearly doesn’t understand what gatekeeping actually entails. You can’t keep her out of something she never tried to get in to.

NTA. “Glad you enjoyed the resort” and dropping the subject is a *very* reasonable response to someone butting in your conversation with someone else and telling you they thought your family home place was too unsafe to visit. 

The rest was simply giving honest answers when she was pushy. 

NTA. You had a polite conversation with your co-worker and she pushed you further. You weren’t gatekeeping anything, you were asking if she enjoyed your culture which she rejected when she visited the country.

That’s not gatekeeping, that’s opening the gate for someone to enter but they refuse to come in.

NTA. She was upset because she knew you were correct – she didn’t interact with the culture in a deep way.

NTA, easy.

Just setting foot in a country doesn’t mean you’ve visited it. I technically set foot in China during a flight layover. Do I say “Yeah, I’ve been to China”? Heck no.

“Gatekeeping” is a real thing, but saying that someone who visited a resort doesn’t know what a country is like ain’t it.

NTA. How can you gatekeep her experience of your culture when she has never experienced your culture?

>why I wasn’t engaging with her because “she’s been to the country”

you did.. what do they think the questions were? engaging about the country.. it’s not your fault she had nothing to engage with about the country.

NTA

NTA. Perfectly reasonable to ask a question like – did you like the food. She also hasn’t a clue what gatekeeping means.

NTA. You can’t gatekeep something your coworker avoided while visiting your country. It would be different if you saw them at a local restaurant and told them they couldn’t eat there. But they didn’t even explore because it “wasn’t safe” or the food was “unfamiliar.” Do they think Jamaica is only dolphins and snorkeling?

NTA, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were really polite and kind and B kept pushing you for an answer.

NTA – OP your coworker opened up that box of worms when she said how “immersed” in the culture she felt. Apparently the only immersing she did was swimming with the dolphins! You were honest with what you said to her, and it’s her fault for misrepresenting herself and the truth.

NTA. You weren’t gatekeeping. She sounds like the sort of person who would claim to have taken a world cruise because she went on the “Small world” ride at Disneyland.

I’ve only been to Jamaica once, too briefly, and got enough of a tour to know how much I’m missing. Our cabbie took us back into the mountains to show us what HE loves about his country. We barely made it past Anchovy before we had seen the bar where he met his wife, the church where he married her, and visited the fruit stand his best man ran, on the honours system. And we barely scratched the surface. I can’t imagine what someone who never left the resort could possibly know about the nation or it’s people.

NTA, but I feel like this could have been handled better.

“Why aren’t you engaging?”
“Seems like our experiences are very different. I don’t have much experience with the resort”

Sounds like she gatekept herself from your culture, and upset at you for pointing it out. NTA

Goes to gated resort.
Cries gatekeeping.

I get that right?

NTA

I wonder why people go to a different country, and don’t experience the culture? Like just go to a resort in California, probably wouldn’t even know the difference.

>Coworker B then questioned why I wasn’t engaging with her

I gotta know how this was actually phrased because no human speaks like this

NTA –
A) if she didn’t want an opinion she shouldn’t have joined someone else’s convo.
B) she had nothing to do with the culture of the country she was in so I’m confused as to how she thinks she did?
C) gatekeeping? You didn’t stop her from going, learning about anything, trying the food. This makes no sense to me at all.
D) seems like she just wanted to chat about her vacation while you guys were having a different conversation

NAH,

Both of you all went on vacation to places you were comfortable with.

She was immersed in the tourist culture, not in Jamaican culture. You didn’t ruin her vacation memories because you didn’t point out to her that Jamaicans don’t typically spend their days on catamarans and swimming with dolphins or eating 5 star resort food.

NTA

NTA. Your coworker wanted you to be a supporting character in her life drama. You did great backing out of that mess.

NTA.

I went to Jamaica on a cruise a few years ago and had the most incredible lunch after our excursion because my friend and I asked our guide where they’d eat and what they’d order instead of playing it safe. And I get that travelling like that isn’t for everyone. But…you didn’t gatekeep. You weren’t even rude to her. You just didn’t engage with her because she really didn’t experience Jamaica and…that’s fine. You didn’t lecture her about it or even make her feel bad, that was entirely on her. She’s the one that butted into your conversation.

Also may I just say, everyone I met in Jamaica was extremely warm and friendly. We were in Ocho Rios, not Kingston, but the whole experience was wonderful. It was just a day but it made me want to book a trip to stay there longer.

Ahahaha. NTA

I went to Crete for the first time a few years ago. Since the different parts of the island have a bit different (and great) culinary traditions, I travelled around and tried to find the best of all these that the locals appreciate. It’s easy to do if you speak Greek, Cretans are not cretins, so they’ll be very helpful. Anyway, I got wind of a village that was famous to the locals for its delicacies – it’s too long ago now, don’t remember exactly which dishes it was that were their specialties. We had a great time, they even treated us with their own special treats outside the menu (a friend had brought them some game which they prepared for themselves), everything was great.

Before I left, I noticed that the ice-cream freezer they had outside was packed with frozen pizzas. I was like “what the hell is this?”. So they explained to me how some travel agency had the brilliant idea to start bringing buses with tourists from a Sandals-type resort (a different one, I think it was near Elounta) to this village revered for its food by the locals. But the vast majority of tourists would want nothing from the menu, somehow they expected only dishes that were familiar, so could only be served things like fries and salads and would be dissatisfied. The solution was for the owners to start packing frozen pizzas to have on the days those buses arrive and it was working out.

I bet those tourists would go back and brag to their coworkers how they were “immersed” in the culture by going to the villages where the locals eat…

Our friend just took his grade school kid on a very expensive cruise to Mexico over the holidays. I heard all about it leading up to it, how excited they were, how he used his Christmas bonus to pay for it, how there would be all these different experiences to be had on the boat and excursions at their stop, about the food (there was a well known Mexican chef in the kitchen I was told). I was super excited for him and the kid.

Well, the kid is super picky about food and refused to eat anything they didn’t recognize or even if they didn’t like the shape it was cut in! So all those tropical fruits and amazing Mexican food? All off the table. Cheese pizza, chicken nuggets, and ice cream.

Then the kid refused to go to the kids/youth zone or activities. They only wanted to stay in the pool. But not the kid pool. That was too loud because of the other kids. They wanted to be in the adult pool. However, they are not a strong swimmer. So dad had to be in the water with them the whole time making sure they didn’t drown because when the ship is moving the water in the pool is sloshing like a wave pool, and he had to keep the kid from banging into the grown-up with their _glass_ drinks in the pool.

He said it was awful. He just wanted to relax on his vacation, but his kid really runs the show.

But he was still looking forward to the port and their chance to do an excursion. Well, when they get there and the kid realizes that it’s like 90° fahrenheit they refuse to do any activity. So they decide to walk around the city, window shop, get lunch, and sightsee. It lasted less than an hour before the kid demanded to go back to the boat so they could sit in the air conditioning.

The dad was pretty crushed telling this to me. I felt so bad for him. He could have saved so much money by just going to an indoor water park and hotel for a week. I’ve tried encouraging him to stand up to his kid, but he’s scared of them. It’s only going to get worse, pal.

NTA. You asked polite questions, and her experience was not one of immersion, so I’m not sure what further engagement she was expecting from you. AND she insulted your country. You were more polite than I would have been!

NTA LOL those are totally normal questions to ask of someone who visited country different than their own. Not your problems she didn’t immerse herself as she claimed, and she’s the one who pressed you to engage with her about it.

NTA. People like your Coworker B are absolutely insufferable! They get on a plane to an airport in the destination country, take a bus or some other transport to the resort and then sit on the beach, swim in the pool and drink all day. They eat the American foods the resort provides because they are self-absorbed dolts and refuse to visit places outside the resort because “it isn’t safe”. Then they come home and act like they are these intrepid world travelers, who in their booze fogged minds, think they have touched the spark of other cultures. If anything, you were too polite with that a-hole.

NTA I went to Jamaica to sit on a beach, snorkel, and enjoy some new dishes (which were really tasty but still cooked in tourist-friendly locations so doubt that authenticity was the primary goal). In no way do I feel like I actually experienced the country. I didn’t go into the local spots or anywhere that wasn’t designed to pull in foreign money. Your coworker is being silly and is probably just embarrassed or frustrated she went all that way and still doesn’t get “credit” for being a worldly traveler.

You’re telling me that every person in Jamaica doesn’t sail catamarans to their dolphin trainer job and finish off their day with watered down, overpriced, fruity cocktails and pizza logs? 🤯

(/s if needed)

NTA she could have been at any any beach in the world 🙄
Staying inside an all-inclusive resort isn’t cultural immersion. She should’ve just said what she saw of Jamaica was beautiful and left it at that.

NTA – you didnt gatekeep your culture – you asked about her holiday, which is reasonable. There is a lot more to a country than a Sandals resort -they are all over the world and are in themselves a monoculture of sameness.

Hahahah NTA.

Nobody know what gatekeeping means anymore

NTA

Yeah, NTA, she walked into that one by enthusing about how immersed she felt in the culture of Sandals.

Nah, going to an all-inclusive is more less the same in every country. She didn’t experience the country at all. She could have been in a resort at the Dominican republic and would have been the same.

NTA.

How is it gatekeeping if she purposely locked herself behind the gates of the resort lol?

NTA

I don’t know how you avoided whiplash from rolling your eyes. My neck hurts just reading this.

Hahaha NTA !! your coworker is upset that you read her with a few questions.

Your parents are doing a lot to keep you connected, and your coworker thought she could buy that experience.

You’re not gatekeeping, she is too scared to experience the REAL Culture.

NTA

She didn’t go to Jamaica, she went to a resort. What is there to talk about?

NTA

She literally stayed at the tourist spot and neglected to visit other areas or try the local cuisine.

You had nothing to need to impress her about.

NTA. Sounds like an easily offended twit, who cares what she thinks?

NTA.

I say this as someone who went to a weekend wedding in Sandal’s Ochi resort. We drove over an hour to the resort from the airport. My luggage was lost, so the Sandals employees set up for me to go shopping in Ochi for clothing: I spent a few hours off the resort (the day of the wedding or I would have gone into Kingston where I knew locals went for shopping). I DON’T consider that I have really visited Jamaica and am still sad I could only get time off for the days of wedding events, so I couldn’t actually explore more.

By her own admission, Coworker A didn’t explore the culture. She didn’t even experience the whitewashed experience, because she didn’t even try the accessible Jamaican food option they had. She would have been fiiiiiine: flavor-town it is not (I was so sad). She got a stamp in her passport from Jamaica. She went to Sandals Jamaica. She did not travel Jamaica.

Also, Coworker B is an idiot. That is like you going to an all inclusive resort in whatever country you are in, never leaving, never eating the country’s cuisine, and coming back to work to say that you now understand better their lives. In fact, say that.

She was about as immersed in Jamaican culture as I would be from a layover flight there. She had a great vacation but she didn’t experience any of the culture except contribute to the tourism industry. NTA

NTA.

Not judging the coworker for spending her time within the resort. Whatever floats your boat, it’s fine.

But don’t spend your entire time at the resort and then claim you were “immersed” in the culture.

NTA – you’re not gatekeeping anything! she intentionally limited her experience then tried to get full credit with an actual local? nuh uh.

NTA- I travel 1 of 2 ways, I either rent a spot from a local and spend the week walking around talking to people finding out where I should go and tour, or I book a resort and plunk my butt by the pool and read a book while the kids run around in the sun.

Only one of those counts as a cultural vacation. Your coworker is offended by learning they’re not smart, that’s not on you.

NTA

NTA. She’s ruining her trip. You’re just honest.

NTA. A resort is not “immersed” in any culture it’s based it, that’s part of the appeal for some people. It’s no different to people who go abroad and eat McDonalds.

NTA. I went to the Bahamas on a cruise, but I wouldn’t say I was ‘immersed’ in the culture. I went to a beach for a few hours, shopped at a flea market and that was it. It was an experienced meant for tourists like me. She was not immersed at all.

NTA.

I’ve travelled a lot and all inclusive resorts just don’t represent the country they are in – they are overly americanized versions of everything, and it’s impossible to do authentic and high quality food at those volumes, even if they tried.

1 week doesn’t equal immersion, even if you stayed at a small spot and only interacted with locals. 1 week is a cool experience, not a cultural education. You didn’t gatekeep your culture, your coworker didn’t participate in it. You go to Jamaica to experience Jamaica, she went to Jamaica to have a fun vacation. Both are totally fine, but very different. You made your coworker slightly more self aware about how she didn’t immerse herself in the culture nearly as much as she thought, she’s probably a bit embarassed. But that’s not on you. If your coworker had just said she really enjoyed it, but didn’t really get out to see the country, that would have been fine.

If she didn’t participate, you can’t gate-keep – she’s not trying to get through the gate, so whether or not you would have put one up isn’t even relevant.

NTA 

NTA. What was gatekeeping about that? The vacation already happened and you weren’t involved with it in any way. You didn’t stop her from doing anything. If she has regrets in retrospect, that’s just a normal consequence of not doing stuff you wish you had tried later.

I love to travel and live in other countries for extended periods of time and I’m going with a solid NTA.

NTA. She said she was immersed in the culture. You asked the types of follow-up questions that would have been jumping off points for a conversation, had she actually experienced any aspects of Jamaican culture that you could talk about. I don’t get the impression, from the way you tell it, that you set out to shut her down — even if it was clear from the second she opened her mouth that she deserved it. Also, gatekeeping? She’s the one who refused to even try the food. Yeesh.

NTA at all