My husband and I met 2 years ago. He proposed six months later and told me he knew I was the one when he met me and that he didn’t want to waste time or lose me. I was (still is) head over heels and agreed.
We have been married for 6 months and expecting our first baby.
Last weekend we bumped into his ex. They were together for 9 years but she ended the relationship when he didn’t take the relationship to the next level. When we got engaged and married my husband texted her to tell her and to apologize and talked about fate and how some things aren’t meant to be.
I remember asking him why, he said that he owed it to her that so she doesn’t hear it from other people and not be prepared. They broke up 3 years ago (edit not 4; it was October-December 2021; bad math).
She was pregnant and holding hands with a kid that could be 7 or 8 years old and she was with a man who was obviously her partner and they were very affectionate towards each other.
My husband said hi even though we could walk by unnoticed by them but he insisted to talk.
When we got home I heard him crying in the bathroom . Now he has been depressed and distant the whole week. I realized he must’ve written to her after we got home and he showed me his phone and yes he has.
Again apologized for what he did and told her that some things are not meant to be.
Would I be the ah if I confronted him about what’s going on? Why is he doing this
Conclusion
As the dust settled and the encounter became just a fleeting moment of the past, this young couple learned a valuable lesson about trust, forgiveness, and the unpredictability of life’s surprises. Their story highlights how love can withstand unexpected bumps, even when faced with past flames and lingering memories. Now, as they stand on the brink of parenthood, they’re reminded that every challenge can be a stepping stone to a stronger bond. In the end, true love isn’t about avoiding complications but navigating them together — stronger, wiser, and more united than ever before. Who knows what the future holds, but one thing’s certain: their story is just getting started.
Here’s how people reacted:
Guy is happy with status quo and keeping the gf around for 9 years and while he says he’s open to the idea of marriage (to string her along), he believes it’s unnecessary and doesn’t actually make plans to get an engagement ring or pop the question. He just assumes if he runs the clock, she will be stuck with him for life
His Ex decides that she’s had enough of his placating words and realizes if she wants to get married and start a family, it can’t/won’t be with him. After she takes charge of her life and dumps him, he begs her to take him back and that he will give her the ring and wedding that she wanted, but it’s too little, too late. Curtains close on this relationship.
He takes a year or so to heal, and then finds you, who checks off most of his boxes and instead of risking the same thing happening again, he proposes to you in six months of dating and everything happens at warp speed because he has learned from his last serious relationship. Don’t leave it up to chance. Don’t string someone along.
Him bumping into his ex make him realize he still had feelings for the “one who got away”. That if he hadn’t been so stubborn and slow about getting a ring and making his ex happy, that could have been him.
> Again apologized for what he did and told her that some things are not meant to be.
He keeps telling himself that because it’s easier to blame fate and absolve himself about being a shit boyfriend who was wasting her time and ruined the relationship singlehandedly.
I’m glad his ex got her happy ending.
I’m sorry your marriage is starting to show cracks because your husband may be incapable of love and had a hidden agenda when marrying you. He might have married you to “prove”to his ex he could commit (like when he texted her about the engagement), rather than because of his deep and lasting love for you.
you are a rebound. you were meant to be temporary to get his ex back
It’s not right to still be texting her now, you’re going to have to have a serious talk with him and make your decision from there.
UPDATEME
Texting her to tell her he’s engaged….unnecessary but okay. But the whole “some things aren’t meant to be”? Come on.
And then he repeats it now.
I’d confront him and say listen- if he’s got regrets or hangups he needs to explore that **with a therapist** and he must promise that he will both do that *and stop texting her*.
Also he’s being weirdly arrogant. She’s happy AF and he’s still apologizing?! lol she’s fine dude. She’s fine without him and he doesn’t like that. Doesn’t mean he’s hung up on her but he’s gotta get himself handled.
I also love all the men in the comments who thinks this behavior is totally acceptable from a man who got another woman pregnant, and don’t recognize that his reaction to this situation is totally inappropriate, completely disrespects his wife, is cracking the foundation of his current relationship, and he is sowing seeds of mistrust and contempt with good reason. Nobody deserves to be second best, which is what he is showing she is to him.
My dear- this is not ok. You deserve to be respected, as his wife and mother of his child. He should have dealt with these feeling before jumping headfirst into a relationship and getting you pregnant. You have to decide if you are ok being a placeholder for what could have been for him.
The fact that he sent her ANOTHER message about how they weren’t meant to be… Sounds like he still thinks they were meant to be. I’m not in his head, but I feel like he is fishing to see if she still has feelings like he obviously does. He felt the need to tell her you were pregnant/married, clearly she did not feel the same way.. ex. He had no clue she was a pregnant mom.
I think he saw her with a family and he feels like that should have been him.
Then move on to him proposing to you after 6 months, yikes. This is just a mess through and through. I suggest he starts therapy to work through his feelings.
I would try to speak with him openly and without judgement, otherwise he will most likely shut down. Your feelings matter though, you shouldn’t hide your pain to make him feel less shit about it.
I am sorry you are going through this. I would feel incredibly hurt to find out my “soul mate” felt the same way about someone else, like I’m a fill in since they screwed up the first time.
I would lose a little bit of respect for him in this situation. He was the one that failed to move forward in his previous relationship. Now he’s got “one who got away” syndrome. He needs to be the mature one and be happy for his ex as she now has the family and life she wanted.
He needs to value what he has now right in front of him before he ruins another relationship/family.
I’m not sure what people think will happen when they marry so early into knowing someone. You married before you even had two Valentine’s Days.
The fact he 1/ texted her, 2/ cried and 3/ worst of all, has been distant is a red flag, it shows that he is NOT over her and he cannot even control those feelings and act normal towards you.
Frankly, it looks like he wishes he were still with her, and settled for you just because he couldn’t keep her.
Your husband has issues. None of this is fair to you. You deserve someone who is all in with your marriage.
He was with a woman for 9 years. He did not want to marry her, but did not want to break up with her either. So he did not care that he was wasting her time. She decided that was not enough for her and left him. He is right because it wasn’t meant to be. For whatever reason, he was not able to win her back ( did he agree to marry her in the end but she said no too late?). Have you ever discussed it with him?
So instead of healing, he puts a bandage on the wound and has a rebound relationship. Were you aware of all of this before you married him?
You’re right to feel hurt and suspicious. Sending those messages is so disrespectful. It’s just him trying to get her attention, anyway. And he’s trying to get an in with a married woman with children. Yikes.
By all means talk to him, but please do yourself a favor and put your own feelings above his tears. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t actually love you, it’s time you can spend looking for someone who does or looking after yourself and your baby, when they arrive.
I’ll bet a couple of years from now, you’ll be strolling with your fiancé, who will be carrying your kid on his brawny shoulders, when you bump into your ex. He will walk away from his shocked new gf, and insist on chatting with you. Then he’ll keep sending you emails apologizing that it wasn’t meant to be. Then he’ll start calling you crying, begging for you to come back.
Good decision to move on.
Girl, you better open your eyes and get off that crazy train.
This would break my heart if I was in your shoes, I don’t know how you move past this?
I feel like this sub is undefeated.
I read the comment you said shared your feelings. So he “learned his lesson” and didn’t string you along because he didn’t want to lose you.” And you say love him like crazy. But because he may have some unresolved feelings for an ex, you’re going to dump him when you’re expecting a baby. Without even trying to work through anything? Without trying to figure out if maybe it was just unexpected feelings and past regrets – rather than still loving her? Just….you’re done because he’s human and you might not be the center of the universe for a minute or two? But maybe you would be again once things settle down??
I’ve recently cried about my broken marriage (over almost 20 years ago) and wondered if things could have been different. But I have absolutely zero romantic feelings or love for my ex. If I could go back, I would have left him sooner even though I loved him madly for a long time. Crying “over another person” is not always because you miss that person or want them in your life, there are lot of mixed emotions about a lot of things connected to the relationship.
If he had actually loved her – or at least wanted a life with her, he would have proposed when he had the chance. He proposed to you right away. Unless you have some other reason to think he doesn’t love you or would rather be with her, then, please….take some time before you make a decision that will affect the rest of your life – and your child’s.
Something seems off, but then I’m usually pretty suspicious by nature and training. Maybe a talk rather than outright confrontation. You are right to at least wonder and to need an explanation. The timing for this is pretty FUBAR, but it may be nothing more than some unresolved hurt about the way things ended between them.
BTW, he’s probably always going to love her, because that’s how love usually works. That alone isn’t something to be concerned with, so long as he doesn’t fixate on that.