Sounds like you are marrying into a controlling family is that what you really want?

NTA but you need to slow this entire roll.

Are you actually ok with getting married in this church? Is it something you’re doing to make your spouse happy that you’re neutral about (which is fine) or is it something that you’re doing that you actively have a problem with (which is not?).

Assuming you’re actually ok with the venue, call the administrative staff and ask if there are any formal requirements about dress for the venue (some traditional places might for example not allow bared shoulders etc).

Keeping any venue requirements in mind, pick out your own dress.

If you can’t afford the wedding you’re having without nutty bullying by the in laws, scale back to something you can personally afford to pay for. This is NOT worth it.

NTA

But this is a preview of your life going forward, with your in-laws running the show. House? Gotta be close enough that they can visit. Kids? MIL knows how they need to be raised.

Is that what you want?

NTA but it’s not about bridgerton, it’s about you feeling you’re not in control of the wedding and quite possibly the marriage. You need to discuss this with your OH and spend some time really considering what you want.

YTA,

Your sister in law isn’t the one hijacking things and it’s not her fault you and your fiance don’t have the backbone to stand up for yourselves. She was just trying to be positive and hype you up. You directed your anger at her for things that are not her fault. You should apologize to her directly for that. You could have told her calmly that you’re not a fan of Bridgerton styles so it’s not the vibe you want to see after the first one or two times so she would stop.

ESH. Your in laws for pressuring you to try on dresses that you don’t like and you for being rude to your SIL who was genuinely trying to make things better. Elope and be done with the nonsense, or at least downsize the wedding to only very close friends and family so you can afford it on your own.

YTA – You took your anger out on the wrong person because you have no control over your wedding (and maybe relationship). If you don’t want a church wedding or to wear an ugly dress then woman up and say so. If you are in a relationship where you constantly have to compromise or ignore your wants and needs then have that conversation with your fiancé and decide if this marriage will work long term. That family is only going to get worse.

Good luck!

Imagine this level of control, nuisance and general bullshit from your in-laws for the rest of your life.

Test it out, tell your fiance that you’re buying the dress you want and going to pick it out with your mom and maid of honor (or whoever, just exclude the unsupportive in-laws) and tell him why. Tell him they’re not letting you free to choose your own wedding dress and you want to enjoy the process, not feel like you’re negotiating against your own wishes. See how he reacts.

Then imagine what it’ll be like with your MIL if you have kids.

Don’t take their money. Pay for what you and fiancé can afford. Then, maybe, they will understand they don’t have a say in things.

Honestly, they sound exhausting. And they will be up in your bizness for the duration of your marriage.

When they express their opinions – remember the southern phrase – “Bless your heart”.

NTA

YTA. You took your frustrations out on Peggy, instead of standing up for yourself against your MIL’s demands. 

ESH. Sounds like your reaction was a bit harsh, but also sounds like everyone was being A Lot. The ILs don’t need to go dress shopping with you. It’s your dress you should wear what you want. I understand they may want it modest, but I would find out what the requirements are for the church you’re marrying in. Some may require shoulders are covered or what have you. Get whatever dress you want that you can make work. Maybe it’s that you get a jacket to wear over your strapless dress or a shawl or lace sleeved or whatever. But you need to feel comfortable in it and it sounds like MILs modest dresses weren’t cutting it. Good luck

ESH because it sounds like you took your frustrations out on your SIL about one small thing when other people were creating the bigger – realer – problems. I get being annoyed but in that moment she wasn’t the one who deserved your anger, it actually sounds like she was the only one trying to give some kind of upside – I mean, she was telling you you look like the fancy ladies on a TV show she loves, in her eyes that’s not an insult (also does *she* actually specifically know you don’t like it?). Talk to the people who are really the problem.

YTA for misplacing your anger at your SIL.

ESH. The real AH’s here is your MIL for dictating the kind of clothing you want and your fiancé for supporting it. Don’t take it out on the SIL

Mild ESH for how this situation was handled. SIL thought she was helping, but clearly needed to stop. However, you could have conveyed your stance in a gentler way. Something like “SIL, I know you love the show, but I really don’t and anything that reminds me of that style is making me feel really uncomfortable. Can you help me try to find something more modern that will meet the modesty requirements?”

It’s not too late to mend this bridge. Apologize for the way you spoke (not what you said, but how you said it) and maybe confess to her that you’re feeling really stressed about this choice.

I highly recommend looking into wedding jackets, boleros, and capes to create the modest look for inside the church, and then you can wear your dream dress to the reception. As long as you don’t go full outlandish in your dress choice, this should work nicely.

YTA. You were having a whole other mood/issue and took it out on someone trying to gas you up to feel better. Taking out your frustration on the wrong person here. Buy the dress you want and stop allowing others to dictate your life. Maybe then you’ll be less of a rotten ass to your future sister in law.

I don’t have a lot of hope for your relationship. It sounds like his family is very religious, including him and you are just not. If you can’t even buy the wedding dress you want without having problems with them over it how are you gonna figure out how to raise a child with him?

YTA just about snapping at SIL if her only crime is gushing about a show she likes. She was having fun, not trying to upset you. (Was she?!)

Honestly if you still feel comfortable getting married after talking things out with your fiancé, don’t bring MIL and SIL to your next dress shop. They’re obviously not interested in helping so they’re not invited. It’s your wedding, get the dress you want and be as “respectful” to the church as you feel is appropriate.

Quite frankly YTA figure it out- you’re not compatible and his family and their (his) religion and preference will inform every part of your lives. 

And Peggy *assumes you know and accept this* 

I think you need to boss up and be honest about your desires rather than settling for something you obviously don’t really want. Take control of your wedding. If you do not you will regret it forever. You’d be happier with something smaller than with something untrue to you.

Soooo, because you’re mad that *you* are letting money determine who makes the choices for your wedding, you were unnecessarily rude to your future SIL instead of having a smaller, less expensive wedding and wearing whatever dress you want. Yeah, YTA.

NTA but go dress shopping without them. If they aren’t paying for the dress, their say means nothing. Hell even if they were paying towards the dress, their say means nothing.

You and your fiancé should have a conversation about boundaries with family and wedding planning. It is y’all’s wedding and they don’t have the right to hijack.

it’s your wedding wear the dress you like

In the specific instance with the SIL, yes, YTA. However, if you reconsider the relationship and your desire to marry into this family, that is an appropriate and reasonable response.

YTA. You shouldn’t speak to someone that way when they really didn’t deserve it. In her eyes she was there supporting you and being positive. You probably owe her an apology.

But, you are lashing out because you are frustrated with how this process is being taken away from you. I just wouldn’t invite the in-laws to the next fitting. Its perfectly fine to tell your in laws that you don’t want their input on the choices for the wedding and if their financial help comes with that requirement then you don’t want it.

NTA

But if you think they’re meddling now, it only gets much worse with every life stage, first home together, kids, school, puberty… And what happens when your MIL decides to raise the kids in their faith?

They’re paying for part of the wedding, but they’re counting on buying all of your soul. Is it worth it?

The time to put your foot down was before getting there, not snapping after you made your bed.

YTA

NTA, but you get no gold stars for good behavior.

Snapping at your SIL was not the best idea. A polite “I don’t care for the show so please stop talking about it” would probably have done the job. I understand your frustration, but I also understand why your mother is upset with you. An apology is in order.

As for your fiancé’s family, this is what you are marrying into. I’m seeing you being “asked” to wear a “modest” swimsuit, wear a coverup over a tank top, wear longer skirts, baggier jeans, and higher necklines. Are you sure you want to be treated like this? If not, then it’s time to reconsider whether marrying this man is good for you and your well-being.

Lastly, what is your husband’s take on all this? If he’s A-OK with his family making you into their image of you, then I think you are making a huge mistake marrying this man and need to get out ***NOW***. This is the time to discuss whether your in-laws will expect your children, if you decide to have them, to go to a religious school and be raised to be as religious as your fiancé’s family is. If this is the expectation, again, get out ***NOW***.

I hope you figure out a way to resolve this conflict while preserving your mental and physical help.

NTA but this sounds like a divorce waiting to happen. Your fiance isn’t religious but bows to that. His mother gets a say in your dress.
They will also get a say in what religion you raise your kids in. (Let’s guess) and where you live and etc etc
Your fiancee did not stand up to them and that says volumes.
Think hard about this.

There must be a dress that is somewhat modest that would be acceptable by the church standards. This sounds like it’s all about your MIL, you need to make that stop right now. Go shopping without her and Lady Bridgerton. What is “modest”? Long sleeves? High neck? If you have the figure to carry that off, it can look stunning if it’s tight and body conscious. Or can you go with strapless or sleeveless with a bolero jacket for the ceremony? You have so many options, but don’t let your MIL be the arbiter of your dress. Avoid that minefield now. They need to stand down.

Sounds like your MIL is the one you’re really mad at but you lashed out at your SIL because she was the safer target. You do have a say in what you wear, actually; you’re just choosing not to say it. You should stand up for yourself and what you want.

YTA

For not speaking up for yourself sooner and not stopping this train wreck with some boundaries. You are (hopefully) only getting married once. Have a wedding you can afford and don’t compromise on things that matter to you. You’ll be happier without family money and a wedding that you don’t want

ESH- get used to everyone having unwarranted opinions when wedding planning, it’ll be a huge topic of discussion until the big day. This is just the beginning and you’re going to have to figure out a better way to handle it unless you want to come across as a jerk every time someone suggests something you don’t agree with. A simple “no thanks I like this” or “thanks for the idea we’ll consider it” even if it’s nothing you’re interested will be received much better.

Also be careful accepting money from others for your wedding- whether you like their opinions or not they will feel like their opinion carries more weight and should be taken into consideration for whatever it is they’re paying for. Yes it’s your wedding- but that part of your wedding wouldn’t be possible without their financial contribution.

Like others have recommended, try looking for a compromise by finding a dress you love but also getting a jacket or cap sleeve cover up type thing so you are modest enough for the church but can feel comfortable in your own skin for your reception.

Church shouldn’t cost a dime. Scale it down to where you and your parents can afford it.
Potluck in the Parrish Hall is a thing.
Wear the dress you want.
Apologize to your SIL – I doubt she meant it how you took it in your frustration – but her reaction to the apology will tell you. SIL has been enduring MIL her whole life – you are no doubt a breath of fresh air in the family.

None of this is about Bridgerton.

Sounds like he’s ready to marry someone, and you just happened to be there. Why exactly are you marrying a man who lets his family run all over you? Why are you letting this church wedding happen when you don’t like the church and you hate the modest dresses?? Why isn’t your future husband taking your side or compromising?

You know what’s cheaper than this terrible wedding? Not having one.

They don’t care what you like or want. They don’t care about you. Everything in this post is about them. IT’S YOUR WEDDING. LISTEN TO WHAT THEY ARE TELLING YOU ABOUT YOUR FUTURE.

I think you should call this all off. Maybe try couples therapy, NOT through any church. But honestly you sound incompatible with this family.

You need to apologize to your SIL.

You might actually hate Bridgerton, but you hate those dresses more.

You lashed out at your SIL because you couldn’t lash out at your future MIL.

You need to hit pause on this wedding, and discuss with your partner what it is you both really want.

And you need to hit pause on this marriage until you figure out if this is how you want the rest of your life to go.

INFO: Did she know how uncomfortable you were with the dress situation in general? Did she know or had you already told her that you didn’t like Bridgerton? Did she persuade your fiance to want to get married at the church?

Because the “modest” dress requirement at the church sounds awful, but it’s not at all clear that SIL would have any reason to know how upset you were or know about your aversion to Bridgeton.

NTA. Marrying into an extremely religious family is always dangerous no matter the religion.

Usually you end up surrounded by fake people that use religion to use, abuse, shame and control.

This controlling behaviour will only worse with time and your fiancé has already shown you that he wont stand up for you.

Girl this issue is bigger than a wedding dress

You have all the power here. Your FMIL can’t insist you get a dress she approves of. She can ask, but that’s it. She may pull the funding if you don’t, but that’s fine – just scale back the wedding.

When you get unsolicited advice from her or your FSIL, just say “Thanks for your input,” and keep saying it, in a voice completely devoid of emotion. If they flounce out or otherwise melt down, oh well.

YTA because you took out the frustration you had with everyone on only one person.

You MIL was the reason you were trying on dresses that you hate, but you didn’t blow up on her because you aren’t brave enough. So you picked on someone else because you feel you can get away with blowing up on them. You picked an easier target which is an asshole thing to do.

Bullies pick the easiest target. Not saying you are one but that’s what they do. They pick the easiest kick.