I was ready to go Y T A because opting out of your sister’s wedding is a pretty nuclear move in my eyes, it feels like an escalation stemming from hurt pride or ego or jealousy, and it’s a punishment to you as much as it is to her.

But… while I do still think those things are true, in my eyes YWNBTA if you end up skipping it. What it comes down to, for me, is that you should not shell out hundreds or likely thousands of dollars to go support an event feeling this hurt, or to support the person who hurt you so much. Perhaps, given the history you mention, this is more like the final straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Here is how I would handle it. Firstly, I think it’s important that you gently express your disappointment and the feeling like, once again, you’re unimportant within the family and that you would have liked to have a position of honor in her wedding because of your special relationship. Keep it brief but be direct and plain about your disappointment and the fact that her assumptions about you not wanting to be involved are inaccurate. Maybe this would indeed be a wake up call and she’d happily invite you to be a BM knowing you really do want to. But I suspect she’ll dig her heels in.

Secondly, put your head down and go about your life. Don’t expect to be involved in or responsible for any aspect of the wedding, but otherwise keep things pleasant with her. WHEN invitations get circulated, decide at that point if you want to go. Maybe you’ll have cooled off or things will have warmed up with her, maybe you’ll welcome the warm getaway. But if you don’t want to go, send a pleasant decline.

Receiving a decline might be a shock to her or others in your fam but if asked about it, just say you’re sorry you can’t make it. If really really pressed by her to know why, I’d probably explain that it’s clear your involvement in this event isn’t really crucial and that you wish the couple the best, but that you aren’t going to go out of your way to travel internationally to attend a wedding where you aren’t really wanted.

For me it’s not about being pitiful or even ‘taking a stand’ but honoring your feelings on the matter.

I’d go with NAH, TBH?

V’s allowed to not include you in her wedding party for whatever reason and you’re allowed to not want to go for whatever reason. 🤷‍♀️

Neither of you have actually made any commitments to one another, at this stage. Neither one has _technically_ let the other down.

I would counsel you to hold off refusing to go out of pocket. Wait until the invitations come out, sit on it for a beat, and see how you want to RSVP within that time limit. You might mellow once the initial sting has worn off.

In relation to AH behaviours, though, those first points are key. You are *ALLOWED* to feel hurt and to express that hurt, within reason, but V is in NO WAY obligated to include you in her wedding party. She’s not done anything wrong by you.

BE hurt, that’s okay. But V is not the bad guy, either. Not with the current context. If you use your hurt to guilt her or make her sound bad to other people within your family / support network, that would make YOU the AH.

It’s sucks. I’m sorry. But you’ll be okay. Promise.

YTA. You’re not close to your sister. You don’t even seem to like your sister. If you weren’t related, there would be absolutely no reason she’d ask you.

Thay said, it is 100% her decision as to who is there at her wedding standing up there to support her.

YTA for saying “if I’m not a bridesmaid, I’m not going” to try to force your sister to do what you want her to do.

>since V and I are are each other’s only full and related sibling

Honestly, irrelevant and if that’s the only reason you think you should be in the wedding party, it’s not enough.

I N F O: what is your relationship like, today? You’re not close, and you don’t like her friends. What reason besides being related, should she consider you for?

YWBTA for passive aggressively skipping another sisters wedding out of spite and jealousy.

YTA

> weve never been super close

> She thought me annoying,never really tried to connect with me, etc and favored my sister as we grew up

God forbid the bride choose bridal party members she feels closest to?

> Anyway,hearing this made me feel really hurt

Ma’am, you **know** what these relationships are. You’ve cited multiple examples. You have no business acting like this is some fresh offense.

> I get that it’s her wedding and her choice

**DO** you?

NAH Your sister is certainly welcome to include whomever she wants in her bridal party and you are also allowed your feelings around not being asked. I’d say you are welcome to not go, but from what you shared, I’d imagine it would make a pretty big dent in your already fragile relationship with your sister. Wait a little before making any ultimate decisions as the wedding is a year away so that you can think more clearly/broadly as your feelings settle.

Don’t make any decisions now.  You’re too hurt and emotionally made decisions sometimes aren’t the wisest.  

What sticks out for me is that V didn’t tell you in advance, said nothing about this. She asked C to be a bridesmaid,  but said nothing to you until you specifically asked. At least she gave you an honest answer, even if one you didn’t want to hear. 

Yes it hurts.  You have every right to your feelings.  You also are experiencing the pain of loosing dreams of your future — being a bridesmaid,  becoming closer as siblings,  reminiscing together.  Those dreams die hard. 

You have time to heal from this blow.  Then decide what you want to do in January when their vision for their wedding is set and your expenses known. 

Also,  designations weddings can get expensive real fast.  It may not be in your financial best interest to go.  Do not put yourself in debt for other people’s weddings or your own. 

If you don’t attend, how will that impact your relationship with your sister and will you be ok with that? 

Weddings are always optional. 

NTA

Here’s some context/backstory stuff? If anyone is interested:

Our parents got divorced when we were young (me 4 her 3), and both eventually remarried not many years later. My dad and stepmom [relevant sidenote: stepmom had 2 kids that were both older than I, stepbrother by 2 or 3 years and stepsister by 4or 5 years] got married when I was in 3rd grade, and I got diagnosed with high functioning aspergers (now just referred to as Autism spectrum disorder) later that same grade. My sister is a NT (NeuroTypical), as are my stepmom’s two kids. My stepmom couldn’t understand why I couldn’t change, or why I was the way I was, or why certain things were harder for me, and harder to get through to me. This caused a lot of issues between my dad and stepmom as I grew up, and probably factored into why they divorced a couple years ago. Anyway, there were some times where my stepmom would say things or do things that were unfair or clearly biased or she’d yell cuz she couldn’t understand certain things I did, and sometimes my sister and I would talk about it, and sometimes she’d she’d even back me up.

And as teens, V and I didn’t get along all the time, but that’s cuz we’re sisters (lol), but we’d still do stuff together like, run to the gas station late at night, ask the other to get us something, walk into each other’s bedrooms and talk, etc.

As for my stepsister (C), she was like her mom in the fact that she didn’t get/understand, or i guess really care, why some of the things were the way were with me. She thought me annoying, and any attempts I’d make to try to connect with her were not reciprocated, which definitely saddened me, as I thought of her as family too. C also majorly preferred my sister.

^That’s just the shortened version of some backstory😅

NAH. Your sister says you two are not close, so not sure why you’d be upset? Sounds like you’re mourning a relationship with your sister that you never actually had. If you don’t want to go, don’t.

NAH.

You’re never an AH for simply declining an invitation. Especially to a destination wedding, which can be very expensive and may require using vacation days, etc.

Your sister is not an AH for not asking you to be a bridesmaid. It’s her wedding and her wedding party, and she’s allowed to have whoever she wants on it, for whatever reason. She may feel like she “owes” C a reciprocal bridesmaid spot, and she knows you and C don’t get along, you don’t “vibe” with her friends, whatever. But again, it’s her wedding and her decision.

I recently attended a wedding with 8 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen. Bride had no sister, but her brother was a groomsmen, along with one friend and two brothers of the groom. I think one bridesmaid was sister to the groom, and the rest were friends. For sure the vibe was that friends wanted to be in the party, and the relatives (although very close to their siblings) were obliged to do so. But every family is different.

Blood relation means nothing. If you were as close to your sister as you think you are, she’d have included you in the planning. Given the circumstances, unless you really want to go to the DR, I suggest you just make an appearance at the local reception.

She doesn’t owe you to ask you to be her bridesmaid, you don’t owe her to go to her wedding. Problem solved, depending if you still want to have a relationship with her. Don’t get upset if she cuts you off even more from her life.

NTA. Sorry that this made you feel this way.

You said it yourself, it is her wedding she can do as it pleases her. But it is your life as well, and you do you. If you are going to have a bad day seeing how you were not considered for something important, don’t go…

Why on Earth would you go to a wedding to someone that doesn’t value you at all.

She priorities your ex stephsister thats treated you like crap for years.

Don’t listen to stAlvis that obviously can’t read that you described your relation with ex steph sister and not your biological sister.

I totally understand your hurt, she really underlined how unimportant your relationship is to her.

Now you go out there and find your own tribe, sisters dosen’t have to be by blood. Find friends that will become the family.

Also, what do your family Think about both how these womans obvious excluding you?

Just leave her behind you, stop interacting, politly decline the invitation and give her the same energy back.

Don’t be the bigger person, don’t be the insecure doormat or peoplepleaser. Just go your own way and find your own happiness.

Stand up for yourself, you are worth being loved, prioritised and valued, and if they don’t,find friends and loved ones that do.

You are NTA for feeling excluded and not valued as a familymember and sister.

She doesn’t have to include you, sure, but you don’t have to go either.

You are allowed to feel and hurt. You are human and thought she valued your relationship as much as you do.

Turns out, she doesn’t.

YTA…You’re hurt because she didn’t feel close enough to make you a bridesmaid. Do you think not attending her wedding is going to repair or augment your relationship in any way? If you really don’t wish to go, don’t go. However you’re not going as a reaction to not being bridesmaid, which just adds drama to the situation–drama that won’t benefit you or the bride.

NAH but you might be if you skip the wedding. What your stepsister did for her wedding is completely irrelevant – she’s a different person entirely with a different relationship to you. Her and your sister sound close, which would explain why your sister got to be a bridesmaid.

I understand you’re hurt that your sister didn’t pick you to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. From your description, it doesn’t sound like she sees your relationship the way you do which sucks but that’s ok. It sounds like you need to work on building relationships though – not close with family, no friends from childhood to now. I say this gently, but the common denominator here is you. Try to build solid friendships outside your family. Work on getting closer to your sister. Nobody owes you a spot in their bridal party, so work on getting close to other people and building your circle.

There’s always the next one, right?

NTA. If there are 10 bridesmaids and she can’t find a place for you, it’s extra crappy. If there are three, you should probably get over it. Thing is if you don’t want a close relationship with your sister after the wedding or if it’s outside your budget, don’t go. If you’re just blowing off your sister, don’t expect to ever be close to her.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but I’m going with NAH. Honestly, I don’t know if I would go to any destination wedding if I wasn’t in the bridal party. YWBTA if you said “I need to be in the bridal party or I’m not going” or “f u I’m not going”. You could just say “I’m sorry, I don’t have the money or time off to make it, I’ll attend the local celebration”. Will it affect your relationship? Maybe, but it seems like you’ve “never been super close” any way, at least in her opinion.

NTA. If you were ‘close enough to invite’ but not close enough to be a bridesmaid, then why even bother? Sounds like she wants you there for appearances, not because she values you. A destination wedding is a big ask, and she didn’t even have the decency to consider your feelings. You don’t owe her anything.

I had a situation like this – it was a cousin, but one I’d grown up with. And it wasn’t a destination per se, but a different city which required a plane ride. I was hurt and did not want to go, but my father paid for the trip, and I wound up seeing VERY little of the bride.

I’d never been to that part of the country before, so my (now X)H and I made a vacation out of it. The rehearsal dinner? They only did it with the parents and wedding party. This good friend of the MOB invited us out-of-towners to her house for this catered buffet thing (lovely), and while there, we asked about restaurants and things to do. Other fam listened in, and by the end of the night, we had this itinerary for stuff outside the wedding, so much so that the wedding was sort of an after-thought.

It’s the DR – so much to do besides the wedding! If your family pays your way, go. Otherwise, stay home. If asked, just say, “It’s not like we’re all that close.”

NTA. You have right not to go as it is an invitation not a summons and destination wedding are expensive for a quest to attend. Just tell her you can’t afford it. 
  For the Bridesmaids, she has a right to pick who she wants. When or if you get married don’t offer her a Bridesmaids position. 

Be glad you’re not in the wedding. One less expensive hassle. It’s always better to just be a guest.

NAH – your sister is not required to include you in her wedding party. Especially if you two are not close. There’s also nothing wrong with her having a closer relationship to her \*friend\* (not ex stepsister – they are friends now with no family relation). But there’s also nothing wrong with you not wanting to go. It’s an invitation, not a summons. Nobody has to go to a wedding. It’s so silly to preach that everyone invited MUST COME to a wedding. I had plenty of people who didn’t want to come to mine or just couldn’t make it work. None of that mattered because it didn’t change that I was getting married to my husband. Caring more about which guests are present than the fact you are getting married is strange to me.

While I understand that you are hurt, you now have a much better understanding of your relationship with this person.

Move forward with a clearer sense of reality. Find real friends and real family that will love you for who you are and not because of some biological sharing of DNA.

So, from what I understand, you believe that your sister should ask you to be a bridesmaid just because you are blood sisters… I found that a bit arrogant of you. You didn’t have a good relationship with your sister, you didn’t have a good relationship with your stepsister, which makes me think that you may have some issues that make them not want you around so much. Your sister wants you at her wedding, just not as a bridesmaid. I have two cousins ​​who are sisters, one got married and the other wasn’t a bridesmaid, and there was no drama in the family. So yes, you are wrong in simply not going to the wedding because your sister didn’t meet your expectations, which, apparently, you never shared with her. She is not responsible for the expectations that you created.

YTA

Edit after reading the replies:

Going to the wedding and crying there is not a big deal, you can always lie and say that’s emotional to watch your sister getting married.
Not going to the wedding open a space to parents keeping asking about you and why you were not there.

So, if you truly don’t want to steal the spotlight, you go to the wedding and play pretend.

OP, I’m gonna tell you a hard fact. You cannot be family to those who refuse to be family to you. And, to try to do so is an exercise in futility that will only give you more heartache. I’m sorry your relatives are being like that but it’s their decision, not yours.

You don’t really need to attend the wedding unless you just want to or are going to incorporate that into a personal vacation. Instead, you can send a nice card and, if feeling particularly generous, send a gift.

Those people are not your family. Family loves. Family supports. Family shows consideration. Family communicates. Family shows up. That’s not what you have with these people. We all want family so here is what you do; you build a Family of the Heart. They are the ones who are and will be present for you.

Good luck. 🍀

You are ALLOWED to respectfully cheerfully attend your sister’s wedding

You are NOT REQUIRED to attend anybody’s wedding but your own

Time for you to build yourself and your life in a new useful healthy happy respectful smart direction

Each person has the rights to control/choose their OWN wedding

I’m surprised everyone keeps saying its her wedding her choice. Yes true, but siblings are usually bridesmaids or groomsman because the bride or groom want to have them up there during one of the biggest and most special life changing days. So OPs hurt is completely justified considering they thought they had a close relationship. But apparently to V that was all made up. I’m sorry but V sounds like a””hole here for not considering her sisters feelings. Sounds like OP has struggled hard to feel like she’s apart of the family, and that sh”t hurts. To just ask for some love and acceptance from the people who are connected to you by blood your whole life, and they give you crumbs hurts. On top of that OP mentioned that she’s struggled with a disorder that make it difficult to connect with people. So sounds like to me like her sisters are singling her out because of her disorder and again, that sh”t hurts. OP you have every right to feel the way you do, and hopefully you can resolve this with v, but maybe don’t have high expectations so if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and attempts to resolve this, walk away knowing there are other people who can love you just has much as a blood relation could and if not better then they ever could.

Soft YTA. I can see your point of being hurt, but also this IS your sisters wedding and her choice. It shouldn’t be she has to choose you just bc you’re sisters. But I also understand your hurt bc one step sister is invited in the bridal party and you’re not. If you really feel you don’t want to go bc you didn’t get a position you felt entitled too, then don’t go I guess. But be prepared for a permanently damaged relationship, and you looking like a bit of a child. If you cant afford to go, then just say so. But remember… This is her choice, her wedding. My mom did this to me a while back when she was getting remarried. She had my sister and both of my brothers in her wedding and my best friend, but she excluded me. So I understand the hurt. It is really hurtful, but maybe you need to find a better way to work through your emotions.

NTA. It’s weird and rude not to have your sister that is so close in age in your bridal party. If she thinks so little of you, it’s no big deal that you’re not there.

I would not go. She can have whoever she wants as a bridesmaid, absolutely- and she asked your stepsister (who didn’t treat you well growing up) and excluded you? Tis her prerogative but honestly, that reads to me as kind of insulting.

 I wouldn’t want to have to hover at the fringes some hours-long formal event feeling at best like I only had an invite out of familial obligation and at worst like I was just there to be  meangirled and pointedly excluded. 

That said, I’m not super-objective, my sister and I haven’t spoken in about 18 years, I don’t even know if she’s married or not and I may have got in my feelings unconscious so grain of salt

This is framed like your sisters are evil step villains, but before I make that judgement I would like to know more about your childhood and current dynamic because it’s standing out as a personality red flag that you didn’t have any friends and the siblings in your life don’t seem to like you and you *still* are confused about the close relationship they share even though it’s been years.

I just want to ask you to put a space at the end of the every sentence. NTA

I should also add, that one of the reasons I’m considering not going is, do I really want to shell out the money for the destination part of the wedding because of this, you know? (Btw, I’m certainly going to the local celebration thingy that’s more local)

YTA If you want a good relationship with your sister, you actually have to work for it. Being blood related doesn’t automatically mean you are close.

It sounds like you have a history of backing away from people when you don’t get your way. You literally didn’t go to your stepsister’s wedding because she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid, and now you are doing the same thing. Do you think this might play a role in how your sister perceives your relationship?

So if you want a good relationship with your sister, the appropriate response would be:
“Of course I’ll come to your wedding and support you any way I can. I’m so happy for you! I also look forward to spending more time with you in the future. I’d love for us to be closer.”

YTA if these are your only reasons for skipping the wedding. Your sister does get to choose. The difficulties you had with your stepsister don’t enter into it except as a highlight that your sister is right, you don’t get on with her friends. 

And your sister didn’t think you’d be interested.  The fantasies you had about being bridesmaids seems like you never conveyed that to HER.

Like, it seems like you wanted the wedding[s] to be a way for you to be closer as sisters.  You won’t gain that closeness if you skip her wedding because she didn’t buy into a dream she didn’t know you had. 

You are not obligated to attend a destination wedding which is big expense for you to cover as a guest but ywbta if you didn’t go just because you were not included in the bridal party.

You said yourself you are not close to your sister so it’s understandable that she chose people close to her.

People who aren’t very close aren’t invited to be in the bridal party. They’re invited to the wedding. And you go to the wedding like an adult. YTA

I had to double check your age. This sounds like it was written by a teenager. YTA

I think YTA, if you would have been happy to be her bridesmaid but because she hasn’t asked you don’t want to go at all, that seems petty. It would have been different if you weren’t planning to go anyway and now you know you’re not ‘obligated’ to be there as part of the bridal party you feel no need to be there.

YTA. JFC. You’re a self-centered one aren’t you? If you cannot afford to go to the destination wedding that doesn’t make you an asshole. But siblings in your wedding party are not a requirement. My younger sister was one of mine, but when I wasn’t part of her wedding party, I wasn’t offended. I was honest with myself about how close we actually are and it made sense that she would ask others. There’s nothing wrong with being a “regular guest” like that’s some kind of second class citizen. You were on the invite list, so she wants you there.

I get it, your ex-step-sis being one hurts, and evidently you not being as close as you thought hurts, but you need to put your big girl panties on and grow up. And before you trot out trauma or anything as an excuse, I was parentified, as well as abused emotionally, verbally, and physically to the point I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD as an adult. None of those things are your sister’s fault, nor is it her job to cater to your emotional well-being.

YTA for not putting in paragraph breaks and not even putting a space after periods, commas, semicolons…

YTA if the only reason you aren’t going is because she asked someone else to be her bridesmaid. It’s a petty reason tbh. And seemingly your sister asked her because she asked your sister before. And to be fair, you don’t get along with C and if you don’t get along with C and you aren’t close to your sister’s friends, it may be a lot. Don’t let your dislike of C be stronger than your love for your sister.

YWNBTA for not attending.

Your only blood sister has effectively said you don’t matter to her. if that is the case why spend a small fortune going to a wedding you aren’t really wanted at anyway.

I would explain to her you won’t be attending and why you are hurt by what she said to you.

Then Go Low Contact.

She got engaged in New Years and six weeks later you are chatting about the wedding and you were just then finding out who her brides maids are? You don’t have the kind of relationship with your sister that says “brides maid”. You may miss or have regrets about that, but for whatever reason, you two are no longer in each others lives to that level. Your feeling right now are symptoms of missing out on something you want. Instead of blaming your sister, try working on that relationship. Call, visit more. Show an interest in her life and include her in yours. It won’t change overnight, and the goal should not be to get a “bridesmaid” request. If you want to be close again, then get close. Skipping her wedding will very much do the opposite: it will send the message that you don’t care to have an adult sisterly bond. So, decide what you want: to just be family, but not close, or to have that closeness that is currently missing, and the lack thereof is causing you pain, and act accordingly.

Paragraphs please! Heck, spaces between words even!

I wouldn’t go.. sounds like you got Covid that week. Damn it. You will go to the next wedding… maybe

NTA. You have every right to decline the invitation and you are under no obligation to give a reason.

YTA. You can be disappointed but being in the bridal party is not a prerequisite to going (thankfully!)

YTA.

You aren’t entitled to be in her wedding simply because you’re her sister.

She is allowed to have her friends instead.

It’s fine to have hurt feelings. But it’s not your wedding, you don’t get a say, and you are entitled to nothing. Get over yourself.

YTA

Not bc you don’t want to go to the wedding, ultimately that’s your choice, but bc of your reasons. They’re selfish and it’s not like she didn’t want you to be there in the first place.

YTA if you make this your hill to die on. Your sister clearly explained you’re not close and she really thought based on past actions that this would not be something that would have interested you. You’re not an asshole for feeling hurt. It’s what we do with these feelings that make you the AH. Now if you want to completely nuke your relationship don’t go and continue to pout. Think about the long term consequences.

NTA don’t go

YTA if you don’t go. No one is obligated to have family in their wedding party. But you still can’t support her?

Just because you’re her sister doesn’t mean she has to include you. Get over yourself.

Is she older? This reads like you as the younger sister view the relationship as close friends while she has her own separate life with its own connections. You’re allowed to be hurt. It sucks when the friendship is viewed differently by both parties. But its an opportunity to tell her you want her to view you as closer as well, not solidify the disconnect by not attending. Cause I promise if you don’t go it will NOT make her want to be friends with you.

NTA

Attend the local event if you want to.

Why spend thousands to go to a wedding, and be sad.

To not go to her wedding because you aren’t in her bridal party is petty. I would honestly just be appreciative that you don’t have to deal with the ruckus that comes with being in the bridal party. You don’t have to buy a dress you’ll never wear again and maybe don’t even like. You don’t have to potentially spend money on hair and makeup. You don’t have to get up early AF the day of to do all the pre-wedding shit. You get to just enjoy the day if you go. That to me is a plus. I’ve been a bridesmaid for all of my friends and I can say without hesitation that I will not have a wedding party because I did not enjoy being in other people’s. It’s a huge waste of money.

If you hit return on your keyboard, it will put in paragraph breaks and make this post easier to read.

Sounds like a lot more is in play that we don’t know. No one is obligated to attend a wedding even if it’s a relative.

I think you should consider if you want to have a closer relationship with your sister in the future. If so, you can explain why you were surprised and hurt by her decision. That you now want to become closer to her and more involved. You want to share in the happiness of her wedding, be there to support her and her (maybe) babies. If you stay away, things will remain as they are now and you both lose out on a closer, happier sister bond. I don’t think you’ll ever regret making the effort.

It sounds like you are really hurt, but also like you are really hurt because you thought you were and because you want to be close to your sister. I don’t think you’d be an asshole for not going, you should never have to do anything that doesn’t make you feel good, but! listen to your heart. not going to the wedding will not fix your relationship with your sister, it will drive even more distance between you. something feeling hurt makes us instinctively push away when actually we want closeness. if this is the case, and you don’t want to cut your sister out forever, talk to her. chances are, she might not know how you really feel. tell her, “hey V, I would’ve really wanted to be in your bride party. i thought we had a special relationship like that and it has really hit me that you don’t seem to feel that way. i feel rejected. how do you really feel about me?” I mean, maybe V genuinely thought you wouldn’t like being in the bridal party. open yourself to her and give her the opportunity to prove to you that you are important to her. if she turns out to be an AH, you can still not go to the wedding. i hope you can heal (together) <3

YTA

YTA

not because your feelings are hurt, your feelings are very valid and you are 100% allowed to feel hurt by her choice. Where you are the asshole is you cannot accept that your sister wants to do her wedding her way and not yours. The day is not about you and what you want, it’s about her and what she wants. The truth is being a bridesmaid is alot of work and if you weren’t going to get along with C (from he sounds of it you don’t like each other much) there could be alot of tension that ruins the mood for your sister, who most likely want as drama free and fun wedding. If you do not show up because you demand to override her choice in braidsamid you are literally making the situation so dramatic for no reason. You would be hurting your sister far more than she’s hurting your right now, does that seem fair to you? Don’t you want her to be happy on her day more than you would be?

Take my word for it, ENJOY not having to run around the whole night to make sure everything goes smoothly for your sister, you get the blessing to actually sit back and watch the event happen, spend time with some family you haven’t seen for a while and be among the people you sister loves most int he world to celebrate the next chapter of her life. Your sister is literally going to be running around doing her own thing all night and you being there and spending time with your family IS helping her.

STOP MAKING HTIS ABOUT YOU, you can feel hurt but know its not about YOU. Just because she didn’t have you as a bridesmaid doesn’t mean she thinks lesser of you or that you have beef, it’s seems like shes right that you wouldn’t get along with C and you need to accept that even if she made you a bridesmaid you would be unhappy because of C anyay, so your literally unhappy with what ever she would have chosen, i feel for your sister because it seems like a lose-lose situation with you.

Info: have you actually spoken to your sister about how this has made you feel? Is there a rift that you didn’t see but was there all along? Have you asked family friends (not parents, they will have their own emotional ties) whether they can see something lacking in your relationship with your sister that you thought was there? Is she the big sister that you looked up to but who wasn’t actually interested in a younger sibling?

YTA for asking when she was going to do bridal party invites, and also for not bothering to format your post even a little.

No one’s the AH. Your sister is entitled to pick her own bridal party and you are allowed to be feel hurt by not being in it. This doesn’t mean you get to demand being a BM, tho. Maybe get your mom with you to mediate a talk where you explain that you feel hurt and you wish you could have been more involved. Not have your mom guilt trip her, just mediate the talk so both sides can be heard- I would hope your mother is invested on both of your sides.

If want to attend and can afford it, go! At the very least you get out of the country and can explore a little when not at the wedding. If you can’t afford it, let your sister know that you want to go, but can’t afford it, so she doesn’t think you are skipping out to be an AH because you aren’t a BM. If you can’t make the destination wedding, go to the celebration party after.

Your sister might not have asked you to be a BM because of the cost, between the dress and alterations, accessories, gifts for bridal shower and wedding, and Bachelorette party costs. She might have told you it was about you not having much in common with the rest of the bridal party when it is more about her knowing you can’t afford it.

And heck, you might have dodged a bullet on the dress. You at least get to pick out something you like and will be comfortable in.

NTA

It’s never wrong to miss a destination wedding.

Spending $$ because she ‘wants you there?’ Just no.

Your feelings being hurt and you not even being an afterthought is another reason.

I’m not going to give a judgement. The bottom line here is, did u ever actually communicate to her that u expected to b included in the bridal party? To b clear, did u do this b4 she got engaged. She doesn’t owe u anything and based on what u have said in other comments it doesn’t sound like have a super close relationship. At the end of the day, she gets to choose who she wants and u get to choose to attend or not. U r both entitled to ur feelings, but it sounds like u decided this is how it should b a long time ago. And I’m wondering if it was based on ur actual relationship or the one u wanted to have with her but didn’t. U have some time to make a firm decision to go or not. It’s up to u. But I would take some time and really think about it, cuz right now, not going sounds incredibly immature. Ur treating the bridal party like a popularity contest, but it really isn’t. She has her reasons and she’s allowed to. It is her wedding. Let urslef sit with this information for a bit and then maybe talk to her about ur relationship over all. It could very well b that u feel u two have a better or closer relationship that she feels u do. But u won’t know until u two actually talk about it.

NTA, she is having a destination wedding which costs a lot of money, that you may not have. It’s her wedding, and she isn’t required to make you a bridesmaid, but in that same vein, you’re not obligated to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding you don’t want to go to. This clearly hurts you, and your feelings are valid. However, I would recommend not adding stress to the bride and telling her you’re not going because you’re not a bridesmaid. 

Nobody owes you being in their bridal party. Being invited to a wedding g doesn’t obligate you to go. Stop overthinking all this.

NTA- Can you afford to go the wedding without going into any debt after paying for everything that you would need? If you can’t, don’t go. Destination weddings always have a certain number of people who decline due to financial reasons. Let your family know that it’s not in your budget and maybe you’ll attend the local event.

YTA – you want to miss the wedding because you think that you deserve to be more important in it. That’s selfish. If you really care more about making your sister’s wedding about you than being there, you don’t deserve to be at the wedding at all. Skip it not because you aren’t a bridesmaid, but because you don’t actually care about being supportive or happy for her.

ESH, but you more than her. V isn’t obligated to have you in her wedding party, but it is kind of pointed to include one sister & not the other. Especially if you wanted to be a bridesmaid. And she should’ve seen this question coming & told you without you asking that C was in the party & you were out.

But you suck a lot more for making V’s wedding all about you & your feud/hurt feelings over C. Just because you don’t like or get along with C doesn’t mean V can’t. It’s also shitty to keep harping on emphasising that C is your *ex*stepsister. That matters to you, it clearly doesn’t matter to V.

V was in C’s wedding, it’s surely not a huge surprise V wants C in hers? To not go to the wedding at all feels very childish – this event isn’t about you. The more you make this difficult for V, the less she’ll want you there & the better C will look in comparison to everyone. Maybe this is your wake up call to put more effort into building the relationship with your sister – clearly C has. Don’t just assume being blood related means you’ll automatically be the favourite.

Well I do think your sister is an AH for including a stepsister who was just nasty to you and not including you. I would be very hurt also and would definitely not go out of my way to attend either ceremony. It certainly won’t help you feel better to see everyone else in the wedding party while you sit in the audience, and it isn’t
going to make your relationship any better by being there. Do what you want to do, and what makes you feel best.This is about you and your mental health. Do what works best for you.

NTA

She has made her feelings clear. Save yourself the hurt and expense.

My husband was not asked to be a groomsman in his brother’s wedding. He was asked to do a “reading”. He did so, but has been resentful ever since.

He DID later on ask his brother to stand up for him in our wedding, and his brother did. So while it’s not worth blowing up a relationship forever, I believe you are perfectly justified in staying home and not spending thousands for a wedding that’s not going to be fun for you.

NTA.

Oh ffs, grow up. Stop making this about you. Apparently you see relationships as transactional.

YTA.