My cousin is 27 and I am 28, my cousin and I am best friends, we have been in each other’s life since we were 5, on my wedding she played a huge role to support me and she organised most of the events even though it costed me a fortune.
Now my cousin is getting married next month and we all were excited, especially me, I was so excited and wanted to do something special for her, I already bought a very expensive suit for her husband and bought alot of jewellery for her, which I obviously wouldn’t ask her to return.
But my cousin picked a revealing dress for my wife to wear on her wedding and she insisted that my wife should wear instead of our usual traditional clothes.
when I saw my wife on that dress I didn’t feel right, it was revealing to say the least, her breasts and her legs was exposed, I falt out refused and told my wife she’s not going to wear it, my wife also said that she feels a bit uncomfortable but will wear it as her first experience and for my cousin.
I told her she won’t wear that shit then I told my cousin that the dress she picked for my wife is inappropriate infront of our family and our friends and others, she may pick a decent dress for my wife or better yet we will stick to our traditional outfit.
She said the dress she picked will suit my wife as she’s gorgeous and it’s not that revealing and it’s not like she would be naked and she laughed, I got angry when she said that so I told her that I won’t attending her wedding.
Now she and our family members are telling me that I am taking it too far, I should attend the wedding and help her like I have been helping her my whole life.
Conclusion
As the wedding day finally arrived, emotions ran high—joy, nostalgia, and a touch of bittersweet farewell to the chapter of their lives they’d shared so far. The cousin, who had been the bridesmaid, the confidante, and the backbone of the celebration, watched her best friend step into a new life with love and hope. In the end, their story was a testament to loyalty, sacrifice, and the beauty of lifelong friendship. It was a day none of them would forget—a celebration of the past and a toast to the future, filled with love, laughter, and the promise of forever.
Here’s how people reacted:
It doesn’t matter how revealing the dress is. It could be a full morph suit and still, if she’s uncomfortable, she doesn’t have to wear it or justify her choice. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, what anyone else’s traditions are, what anyone else wants, etc. the only thing that matters is how your wife feels.
With that in mind..
NTA
If you aren’t comfortable, and neither is your wife (but she’ll wear it to go along with the bride’s wishes) then your feelings should absolutely be listened to. You can’t force someone to wear something you feel is inappropriate, and the future bride should be sensitive to that.
It may be her wedding, but that doesn’t give her the right to push past your boundaries.
But as a general thing, you’re free to skip the wedding for any reason at all and not be an asshole. Forbidding your wife from attending (if she wants to go) would be another thing, and that would make you TA.
I’d suggest that you compromise and both attend, wearing your own clothes, and completely ignoring any fuss that may arise in consequence. Your wife is not a doll to be dressed by anyone else. Not you, and not your cousin.
Let’s be clear, no one is assuming they know your wife better. But when you make a decision this big (cutting off members of your family over a dress is INSANE but you do you🤷♀️) However, your assumptions are coming across as controlling. If you really don’t want to be the asshole, get on the same page with your wife VERBALLY so she’s included in the decision.
This is such an EASY fix but YOU are blowing it out of proportion. SPEAK to your wife about her true feelings and discuss which option would be lost comfortable for HER. No one on reddit gives a damn what your in laws or her in laws think when you’re asking about advice as a married couple. You’re suppose to be a team but you’re just controlling the decisions, making a mess, and then whining to reddit “woe is me, am I right tho?” Yet each time youve reexplained and rec’d an answer you dont like, you spin it to be passive agressive “oh well you all must know my wife better than me”(this is a toxic trait!!! Getting inches away from narcissim op) so do you really want advice?
SIDE NOTE:You don’t get to demand an apology for what your cousin said (shes not going to be naked is she? No.) But you can be clear that the comment was some huge offense and ask that your cousin refrain from similar comments in the future but personally it’s not worth the fight, get over it. It doesn’t seem like she’s trying to embarress her at all ESPECIALLY if all the other bridesmaids are wearing similar styles. You just got some different opinions, be an adult and agree to disagree or be a child and go ahead with that silent treatment you were planning on doing. 🤷♀️
She said she felt ‘a bit uncomfortable’ AFTER you threw a fucking fit.
Even WITH your tantrum she still wasn’t ’uncomfortable enough’ to press the issue…because it’s entirely in YOUR head.
I am glad you are standing up for your wife. You know her and know that she is uncomfortable. I understand she wants to not rock the boat, but you are a good man for protecting her.
Good luck.
Ignore all the AHs in this thread, it’s Reddit, it’s expected. You have done nothing wrong and you are 100% NTA.
Not every westerner is immodest is what I am trying to convey. I would like to see the dress but also it does sound like someone is trying to sabotage you and your wife. Because it would shame you both if she came dressed immodestly. If there is cleavage showing there is a way to cover that. If it is too short she could wear an underskirt or leggings. In fact, that might be something she could do. Wear the dress over regular clothing. Then say that is the only way anyone would be able to see your beloved along with “I think she looks amazing!”
People calling you controlling are assholes.
You and your wife are uncomfortable with the obviously revealing dress that’s been picked out and you have every right to be your wife’s voice. She should not have to be the one trying to please someone at the expense of her own comfort.
Again NTA!