My update as of 4/25/25: my sister and her boyfriend are no longer in the household. It’s been building up to this moment but for the past few weeks it’s gotten so much worse. I caught him calling me names and saying I am dirty and nasty for not washing his dishes, when I just wash mine.
I truly don’t understand why he feels this way, I have video evidence of him saying it and talking horrible about my mom and my sister. She doesn’t believe it and says that couples call each other names and it normal.
They do it all the time. It escalated to the point of him and I screaming at each other, where I confronted him about calling me names. He said it’s all true and my sister also said it’s true.
I asked her how can he call me nasty and dirty for not washing his dishes and she said whatever and slammed the door. He also screamed at me that “I have never shown him any affection the whole time he’s been here and only his girlfriend has”.
I was so shocked and screamed back “you are not my boyfriend I barely know you why would I show you any affection. GET THE F OUT!!” He clearly has mental issues. So I called the landlord and they said he needs to leave and if she wants to go with him then so be it.
His family showed up and began to cause more issues trying to fight me and my mom. They kept telling him to stay and he doesn’t have to leave, they don’t seem to think that he does anything wrong with the way he acts or how he treats me.
I didn’t see how much he hated me until I set boundaries with that I stopped buying all the household stuff and washing their dishes and cooking for them every night. He also was mad about this as well because I heard him say “she hides the laundry soap” the pods are mine and I bought them.
The police said that they can technically come back and live here even if the landlords told them to leave. I have been so scared since last night that they will come back and bring his family members.
The police were called because we didn’t know what his family was going to do to us in the moment. The only thing I have done to this man is, set boundaries. By not paying for everything and making them food every night.
And my sister agrees with him and that’s the worst part.
The landlords changed the locks and they still have to get some of there things. They have taken mostly everything. Just their furniture is left. My mom is very worried about her because on the videos he said he will take there baby and she has no income so how will she take care of the baby.
He is honestly a very scary person the way he tries to make me seem so awful and over the most ridiculous things. I have never called him a name, or started any arguments with him.
I didn’t feel safe with him in the home anymore, I couldn’t sleep last night and cried my self to sleep. I was scared they would come back and not leave. It’s been a really rough past few months and I hope it will get better from here and not worse.
I have told my mom I will need to move in with her if they try to come back. I have even thought about unaliving myself because it’s just too much. I really can’t wrap my head around all of this and I am so tired.
*I also showed the videos to my sister she had no response and he had vile things to say about her and said he will take her to court and take the baby from her.*
**I don’t know if I can show the videos or maybe just the audio if I can make it where they don’t find out it’s me just in case they see this. It’s mostly audio with him off to the side talking.
Small update as of 4//5/25: I have moved all the household items that I personally buy into my room. I am not paying anything for them anymore. They have also stopped talking to me after I made these changes and asked them to wash their own dishes and that I’m not cooking for everyone in the house anymore.
At first I didn’t even know they were upset just thought they were busy with the baby but no they told my mom that I am nasty and give them dirty looks. I will admit that I haven’t been as talkative because I am really just over being taken advantage of and lost all respect for both of them.
They told my mom that I was rude to one of the guest they had over and I am friendly with them and they stayed for a week. I had no idea that they felt I was rude, until my mother asked me about it.
They feel so little respect for me that they make up lies about me and try to make me the bad person, they never think they do anything wrong. Her boyfriend is a loser who moved in with us in a few weeks of knowing her because he had nowhere to go and she’s was desperate for attention.
So I need a break from both of them and when I move will be going no contact for a while. I have put in applications for places and will be moving by August as there are waitlist and I live in small town so not many options but it’s been really hard the last weeks here, usually my home is place to escape but I haven’t been able to feel comfortable.
I don’t know why it took it to get this mad for me to stand up for myself. Thank you to everyone who replied. My next update will hopefully be in my new place. Thanks
Edit: Thank you for everyone’s reply, it’s honestly been really tough on my mental health the last few weeks more than usual. For everyone saying stand up for yourself, I have a fear of speaking up for myself due to emotional and physical abuse in my childhood when I would.
I am dealing with that now in therapy. Reading everyone’s reply in telling me to move out, I am moving out, just money is the issue. I am in college, working full time and living pay check to pay check.
I guess that’s also why I have not moved because of my income not being able to afford on my own. But I have been saving and will figure it out on my own. I will be moving out in next few months.
I will update when I have, thank you. I am also taking my dog, I wouldn’t leave her. For more context we live on a month to month lease so I can move any time. I will have enough money by May.
I honestly came here because I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about these issues and not have a bias towards me or my sister. I understand I have allowed this behavior and it’s pathetic.
I am telling my sister tomorrow about moving and that I will not be helping them with anything. I am causing more stress on myself in keeping all this bottled up than speaking to them directly.
I will grow a spine and use it.
Hello, this is a long story but myself and my sister moved in together 3 years ago. We agreed we would split the rent and utilities. After a few months my sister is always late on paying the bills, or says she can’t pay full amount but will go to target or spend money on other things.
So it always fell on me, after a while I got tired of asking and hearing excuses, I just started fully paying them, and her giving me 40 or 80 once in a while. The whole utility bills usually about 300 a month.
We have the same salary for context. A year ago her boyfriend cheated on her and they broke up. Couple weeks later she meets this guy, he starts coming around staying the night. I told her I’m not comfortable him being here when we are not home,she says it’s her house too and tells me to deal with it.
I hate confrontation so I let it go.
He moves in and she never ask me or our landlords and they do not want people living there without permission so if they find out we will be evicted. She is aware of this and doesn’t care, says they won’t find out.
So last year she tell us she’s pregnant, I am not sure how to feel because in the moment she just met this guy few months ago and can barely pay the bills now and is having a kid? I was upset and they still planned to stay in the home and not move out.
I also pay for all the meals we eat at dinner, I buy the water they all drink. I buy all household items such as toilet paper, laundry soap. we share a dog I buy all the things she needs and vet bills.
They use the washer and dryer every day, I pay monthly for and haven’t sent me money for it in months because if I don’t directly ask they won’t send it.
Even though it’s been known it’s due every month. They have never offered money for the groceries or household items. I honestly feel taken advantage of, but they always say they have no money.
I would also add that my sister said she doesn’t like to ask him for money and he doesn’t like her to know how much money he makes. Because he doesn’t like people to know his business, but he can have a baby with her?
So she runs to my mom for money, and my mom is sick of it too.
Anyway, that was the backstory, now for the current issue we split rent 3 ways currently, rent is 1,000 total. she just had the baby last weekend so now she isn’t working. I heard from my mom that my sister said that I need to split the rent with her boyfriend because he can’t pay her part.
But she and him have never sat down and spoke to me about this arrangement I assume they expect me to just pay it because that’s how it always is. I don’t feel like I should have to pay her part of the bills, she and him decided to have this baby.
I didn’t sign up for this, we agreed to live together and split these bills. I feel like I have to put my foot down and tell them I am not paying her bills. They had 9 months to speak to me and never did.
I need advice and I really am conflicted because the economy is really bad right now and everyone is struggling but I am too, I just feel used and stressed out so bad. I do plan to move out in few months.
Any advice will help, thank you.
Conclusion
In the end, this intense story took a surprising turn that few could have predicted. The warning signs had been building for weeks, and what seemed like simple disagreements quickly escalated into a major upheaval. With her sister and her boyfriend no longer in the household, there’s a sense of unresolved tension lingering behind the scenes. The young woman, armed with videos and the truth, stands at a crossroads—wondering what her next move will be and whether her family’s bond can be repaired after such a tumultuous experience. This story serves as a stark reminder of how quickly relationships can fray and how important communication and understanding are in navigating life’s toughest moments.
Here’s how people reacted:
In the meantime, only buy supplies for yourself. Keep your toilet paper in your room or anything else they should be sharing the cost of. And move out as soon as you legally can.
NTA for not paying, Y T A for letting it get to this and if you stay.
Take control of the situation. Walk up to your sister and say…
“I heard that you told mom that you expect me and your boyfriend to split the rent because you won’t have money once the baby comes, but I did not decide to have a baby, and your decisions are yours and your responsibility. I will not be paying more, you two need to figure it out. “
Then don’t. Pay your share. If you get kicked out, you get kicked out.
She’s taking advantage of you because you let her.
If you never open your mouth, you will continue to suffer and it will turn into a health problem. When you hold things in for too long it becomes dis -ease in your body. You are already in dis -ease within your own home.
Maybe imagine you have a child, but you are that child, would you want to witness them being taken of vantage of? What would you tell them to do differently? If you don’t handle this now, you will continue to meet other people who will do the same thing to you, until you learn how to set boundaries and hold them.
Hell, I would find a new place to move to and tell the landlord, sister moved in BF and had a baby.
End your lease and move, you would be far better off living with strangers.
If you continue to live with her, you’ll reach the breaking point, and it will damage your relationship. She’s going to expect you to pay for baby things, and babysit the baby while she goes out with the bf. When they break up, she’ll expect you to pay all the rent and bills, and financially support her child.
Past predicts future.
You need to tell them it’s time to move out. If they refuse to move, then give notice to the landlord, tell him someone has moved in without your permission, and YOU move out.
She’s an adult and a parent. It’s time for her to grow up.
Talk to your landlord(s), tell them that she allowed someone to live there without your knowing it and you don’t know how to remove them.
Talk to your landlord and find out the options. Whether that’s paying to break your portion of the lease, or getting them kicked out.
Tell the landlord you need to move out. And if it’s possible to terminate the lease early.
Don’t report the baby-daddy living there, because he will leave and your sister will blame you for the rest of your life.
Find a place to live on your own and NEVER give your sister money or pay a bill. Not even once. At some point she will stop asking.
But if you give in after she begs 3 times, she will be willing to beg 10 times, or 20 times because begging you is easier than taking responsibility for herself. And she knows eventually you always give in.
She will guilt you about not having formula or diapers or heat money and the baby is suffering. You and your mother love that baby, because that’s what good people do! But you have to force her to manage her life by not doing it for her.
Here’s the thing. We all have to make choices on how to spend our money. She “can’t afford” what she doesn’t want to spend money on.
She prefers to spend money at Target or ordering take-out or beer, so she “can’t afford” to pay rent or utilities.
You spend your money on rent, gas and car. Plus food, utilities, supplies for three people. And so you “can’t afford” to save or buy a better car or go on back to school or go on vacation etc.
Adults realize that have to pay rent and utilities and then decide how much to spend on non-essentials.
But you and your mother have been enabling your sister to live like a child. And she has chosen to not grow up.
Which is very sad because she is now responsible for an actual child.
And her boyfriend figured you out right away. You are a patsy, a chump, and spineless. So he doesn’t pay, doesn’t offer to pay, just lets you buy his food and shampoo and toilet paper. You don’t even ask him to pay. He is a user and you are choosing to allow him to use you.
Leave and take the dog.
Grow a shiny new spine and look after yourself because no one else is going to
Speak to your landlord and tell them you want to terminate your part of the lease and they can have her and her boyfriend on the lease.
If you can afford to pay bills for 3 people, you can afford to pay for your own place.
Move out!!
YTAH for letting her take advantage of you for so long
Move out and get your own place and don’t let her take advantage of you ever again.
As for your rent, pay only your part. Get out asap.
Theyre using you..id just not renew your lease and live alone.
1) Start saying no. Spoiler most people hate confrontation, but people who *avoid* it like you and I need to learn that our needs are just as important as anyone else’s. Pretend it’s a friend you’re asking for if that’ll make it easier! It will always be difficult but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.
2) Move out. Now you only pay your own rent/utilities/supplies
You need to move out. Tell the landlord that you want to break the lease. They can continue to lease if they want, but you’re moving out. It would absolutely be worth the money to break the lease and leave. Let them be their own little family somewhere else.
By the way, you should be furious. First, she was sucking off you by herself, then she invited her boyfriend to leech off you too. And now they’ve multiplying and added a child! I’m shocked you’ve allowed it to go on this long. Think of all the money you would’ve had if you didn’t have to pay for three extra people! Your sister made a terrible mistake having a child out of wedlock. Don’t get sucked into her drama and bad mistakes. Sister or not, she will drag you down with her if you aren’t careful.
Please put your foot down and demand they pay you.
Do not renew the lease and I’d probably go ahead and inform your landlord of the situation. The landlord could evict them and not you, you’ve been paying all the bills. So I’d take measures to get this solved. It’s gonna burn bridges, but you should be able to do it.
Then I would tell your sister and her bf that you planning on leaving on x date, the landlord agreed to it. You will NOT be covering anymore tha. Your 1/3 or rent. You will no longer be buying the household needs..
Get a small fridge to keep in your room, your own tp, your own everything. Stop doing it for thrm. The problem is you have allowed this to go on for so long they are entitled to it now. You have to cut that off TODAY
That is your whole story. That’s how you ended up, first, with a sister who won’t pay her share but buys stuff at Target; with a boyfriend at your house when you didn’t want that’; with two people essentially living on your paycheck (other than their minimal rent). At any point you could have stopped this by telling your sister “no”, reporting the boyfriend to the landlord, etc.
I think you’re stuck, especially if the utilities are in your name. But you can tell them that you are moving, you are taking the washer and dryer with you (if I read correctly that you are paying for them), and that they will either need to move or pick up on the lease and utilities yourself. Contact the utility companies with your move-out date. Don’t buy food or any supplies for them to use. Don’t eat meals with them. Don’t keep food in the house for them to use. Take the dog to the vet and have it chipped in your name. If you’ve been paying for its care, it’s your dog.
And before you try with another roommate, get some help understanding the concepts of boundaries and setting agreements up ahead of time. Your sister is in for a world of trouble. Decide now that she is not your responsibility. She’s old enough to have a boyfriend and a baby. It’s up to her to do adult things like paying her own bills.
In college I used to be a people pleaser and was literally unable to stand up for myself. This lead to so many devastating events and issues. Lead to friends wanting to hang with me/invite me to things because they knew I would pay for the event or whatever because I was scared to stand up for myself and risk losing “friends.” These people weren’t my friends and they didn’t care about me. They used me.
In the same turn.. you are being used. Your sister and her boyfriend will continue to use you and drain your resources because you’ve taught them that they can. It’s okay to require that they start pulling their own weight. They are adults who need to contribute and do so without prompting from you. The unfortunate truth is, most people will take advantage and suck another dry if allowed. Don’t allow this.
The most loving and kind thing you can do for yourself is to have boundaries and to enforce that they split rent/utilities and actually start behaving as roommates/family rather than your children.
This is ridiculous and you know it!!
Updateme
P.S. $1000 rent is pretty cheap these days…
No more being their ATM! You only buy enough for you! You are no longer buying shared commodities! You are only paying your part of the rent and I would be initiating your intention to move out now! Make them both aware that you are vacating and that you have informed the landlord.
You will feel a lot better once you have done this! Oh.. and please take the dog!
Sorry but it’s the truth.