At the start, everything seemed promising. The woman was upfront about her decision to remain child-free, making it clear she didn’t want children and was happy to share this aspect of her life from the very beginning. Her partner responded positively, claiming he didn’t even like children and agreeing with her stance. Their chemistry seemed solid, built on honesty and mutual understanding. But beneath the surface, unspoken tensions and hidden doubts began to stir.
As the story unfolds, what begins as a seemingly straightforward relationship takes a dramatic turn. Unexpected revelations and contrasting responses cause a ripple effect, leading to a series of confrontations that challenge everything they believed about each other. This tale isn’t just about a couple’s disagreement—it’s a rollercoaster ride through love, truth, and what it truly means to be honest in a relationship. How it all ends will leave you surprised and pondering your own views on honesty and personal boundaries.
I honestly can’t believe I am even in this situation or that I am writing this post…
Before I get flooded with YTA’s I need to point out that I am OPENLY CHILD-FREE by choice! I told my boyfriend I dont want kids on date ONE. He even said he agrees! He claimed he didn’t even like children.
Not only am I child-free by choice, I openly talk about it, I have mostly child-free friends & even talked with him repeatedly about not wanting to have children. OFTEN.
now, back to the story. Around the age of 28 I found out I needed a medical procedure which would make me infertile. I dont want to say why or what exactly it was here because it is a little too specific (& I don’t want everyone I know to recognise it’s me) but long story short – it is impossible for me to get pregnant.
Not “unlikely” but very very impossible. I was actually happy about that because (again) I don’t want children so it lifted some stress for me (of accidental pregnancy).
recently one of my friends became (very) accidentally pregnant. She is now in a bad state emotionally & looking at options. My bf actually said something like “It’s odd how we still haven’t had an accidental pregnancy”.
I laughed a little and replied something along the lines of “Right? That’s why I’m glad I can’t get pregnant”. He actually looked at me shocked and asked what I meant. I told him the whole story & he became very angry.
Started screaming “how could you lie to me like that?!” & “how could you keep it from me”. I was confused because while I could understand being maybe upset about not knowing something that personal about me, it really shouldn’t warrant screaming and that kind of anger.
After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me.
I was shocked & basically stormed out & left (we don’t live together).
Now even his mother (!) sent me a passive-agress8ve message about leading men on & wasting her son’s time.
At first I was just angry, but am I the asshole too? Should I have told him about it being *impossible* to have kids? I feel like he was an ass but 2 wrongs don’t make a right. the relationship definitely is over but I need closure from outside perspective cause I don’t even want to talk this out after what he said.
(Though, from now on I will 100% tell men I’m infertile, I thought my definite choice of no kids was enough).
Small update to answer common q’s:
Did we use condoms? yes. We don’t live together & I was clear with him that until we are *fully* committed (aka at the very least living together) condoms are non-negatiable. I know too many stories of *husbands* cheating for me to risk getting a serious STD because he had a “lapse in judgement”.
(Like I trust other drivers not to hit me but I still wear a seatbelt)
Why didn’t you tell him? I’m not the most sharing person overall (I know, I know communication is key… gotta work on that) but also I just dont like talking about that time period, it was scary & very painful in some aspects.
I am now glad it happened but back then it was rough. I avoided that topic so that’s on me. I probably should have simply told him about infertility but I didn’t want questions of “why” “how” “when”.
Most of my loved ones know simply because they were there when it happened.
Conclusion
In the end, this story reminds us that honesty is both a gift and a minefield in relationships. What starts as open communication about a fundamental life choice can quickly become a source of conflict when expectations clash. The woman’s unwavering commitment to her child-free lifestyle and her partner’s unexpected reactions serve as a stark reminder that even honesty can lead to difficult choices—some relationships survive the truth, while others falter under its weight.
As viewers reflect on this story’s outcome, they’re left asking: is honesty always the best policy, or are there times when softening the truth might be more compassionate? The couple’s ending, filled with surprises and hard lessons, underscores the importance of shared values and clear boundaries from the very start. Whether they stay together or part ways, their story highlights the complex dance of communication and trust that defines every relationship.
Ultimately, this tale is a compelling lesson in authenticity, showing that being truthful is vital—but so is respecting each other’s feelings and boundaries. It’s a story that will resonate with anyone who’s ever faced a difficult truth or wondered how much honesty is enough. Because sometimes, the truth isn’t just about what’s said—it’s about what’s understood, accepted, and chosen to be shared. And in love and life, those choices can make all the difference.
Here’s how people reacted:
You were upfront that your didn’t want children. It’s irrelevant whether that’s down to personal choice or physical reasons, you were very clear.
He LIED that he felt the same because he hoped you’d change your mind.
I hadn’t even imagine the lack of self-awareness to be angry at your for not revealing a medical detail which was irrelevant given your very clear and open declaration that your didn’t want kids, yet have lied to you about the fact that actually, he did want some really.
I genuinely could not get past that.
He needs to fuck right off.
NTA Also, youuuuuuu should probably get tested cause his little comment here is making me fear he was poking holes in condoms or something (unless you guys were not using any which is also VERY bad idea ESPECIALLY cause this guy DOES NOT sound trustworthy…
Also, why tf do guys do this? Plenty of women want kids. Just date a woman who wants fucking kids!!!!
In my opinion youre not the asshole.
He thought you would change your mind after you have told him very openly that you never want kids.
This is something lots of guys do and i think its extremly wrong and manipulative.
You told him you will never want kids and if you say that it doesnt matter of youre infertile or not.
Never means never and if he cant accept your opinion then he doesnt respect you.
He is upset now because he thought he could charm you into having kids and realises now that it isnt possible.
His mom is on his side because she most likely wanted grandkids and he told her that he will get them in the future.
He has no respect for your opinion and is throwing a fit.
Text his mom back that she is a moron who raised a moron and she can go fuck herself.
>After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me.
This says it all. People stupidly get into a relationship knowing there’s a fundamental incompatibility, and lying, because they think “I can change their mind” or “they’ll change their mind”. Anyone who does that is an asshole by default.
That idea to me is absolutely TERRIFYING. The amount of audacity this man has to even be mad is infuriating.
NTA
Girl, get out and never look back!
NTA.
This is the problem with people. They will just “yeah” their way through someone’s boundaries and when it’s actually time to pony up chips act like it’s the first time they’ve heard this.
>Should I have told him about it being impossible to have kids?
What if it wasn’t a medical issue and you simply just did not want children? I’d still say you were in the very right.
>(Though, from now on I will 100% tell men I’m infertile, I thought my definite choice of no kids was enough)
That’s totally your call. I’d still say that’s none of their business. It might save you some grief down the road.
>After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids
I knew that was coming.
In the future, I’d be honest about your infertility so you can avoid men like this.
*”After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me.”*
You didn’t waste his time. He wasted his own time AND yours. He lied to you about being okay with having no kids. Your infertility is irrelevant and has nothing to do with him.
He is trash and you got lucky you found out now instead of 10 years from now.
EDIT: Just to clarify. His emotions about it would be something for HIM to work out. He’s allowed to have them, but a healthy adult understands that emotions regarding how another person lives their life are to be worked through and accepted; not acted on.
NTA all the way. He and his Mum are big ones, though. It does not matter that you physically can’t, you mentally don’t want. Point blank period.
Note: if you want to be up front in the future, not that you have to, and find a guy who is also child free, don’t use the word infertile if that’s not the case. The way you describe it here sounds more like you are sterile. Infertile means you are *unlikely* to become pregnant. Sterile means that you *can not* become pregnant. The difference between the two is whether or not birth control is needed if you are child free. If you are going to disclose, it’ll be less stress on a child free boyfriend/husband if they know it’s impossible, not just unlikely.
Essentially he had the same thing where the partner blew up when she found out he had a vasectomy after a while of dating. Most redditors agreed technically he was clear about not wanting kids, but why wouldn’t you bother telling a partner this information?
I’m also child free, but I literally put on my dating profile that I was child free and spayed so I wouldn’t connect with anyone even on the fence about kids. You gotta be insanely clear about this choice since many people think they’ll change your mind.
NTA. You were dating a monster.
You are openly child-free. You have been since the beginning of your relationship.
He’s not the boy for you. I’d say man but grown men don’t lie in the hopes of changing your mind on something you want because he can’t/won’t be honest about what he wants for his life.
If anyone wasted his time, it was him. He wasted his own time. Feel free to tell his mommy that if he didn’t want to be ‘lead on’, he shouldn’t have told you several times that he himself did not want children.
You said since day 1, I do not want children. Not hard to understand. When I was dating a little later in life, I was clear, I want children and anyone I was dating that did not was out of the picture. I would not do that to myself or the person I was possibly going to build a realtionship with!
Edit: I hope your friend is okay.
Hes an idiot
And since you said you were CF from the start, how were you leading him on, or wasting his time? So I wonder what lies he’s been telling his mother.
Not living together ? Oh makes more sense. Still suprised he did not notice anything earlier.
NTA. From the start you mentioned about child free ideology, this may change but should not be expected. I would appreciate to know that my partner had some health issues and cannot have children, but should not be required.
Do not let someone else try to change what you know about yourself. It is also funny to me when people don’t take women like us at our word when we say I don’t want kids and mean it. Like how else can I say it for you to understand. Could you have been more upfront about how you can’t, sure, but it doesn’t change anything you said that he did not take you at your word on. Block the mom, block him and move on with your life.
NTA
To the boyfriend: You wasted 2 years of your own life by being a lying, manipulative AH.
To mommy: I didn’t lead anyone on. Maybe you shouldn’t have raised a lying, manipulative AH.
He was actively trying to impregnate you against your will and without your knowledge.
“I don’t want kids” is quite different than “I physically can’t have kids”, and important to know.
In regard to another topic, why did you keep this a secret?
I understand that in the meet up phase you don’t share such personal informations, it’s fine.
But as the relationship progresses, it is expected to share more personal info.
If I discovered that info like that, my first immediate thought would have been “why did she keep this a secret? What else is she keeping as a secret?”
Is about trust, the baby discussion is just an example here.
He’s done you a favour. Feel free to respond to her and tell her that you’re glad you don’t have any kids with him since he’s obviously the type of person who would fck around with someone’s birth control to get what he wants.
NTA – If birth control is done right, you shouldn’t really have any accidental pregnancies.
This situation wasn’t winnable
Uhh… What does your medical history/situation matter? Child-free is child-free, you told him flat out from the beginning. anything else that ensures it isn’t a lie or a lead on.. it just is. Men get vasectomies and tell folks they are child-free.. just because it doesn’t announce he got himself fixed on top of it, doesn’t change that he’s child-free by choice.
You shouldn’t have to tell anyone you’re infertile. This idiot thought he knew what you wanted better than you… somehow pregnancy is secretly what all women want??
He wasted 2 years of YOUR life by not being honest about wanting kids.
Imagine that someday he said, I cant have kids also cause I was born as female and now i am a transgender.
Those things are dealbreakers.
Also for a procedure to make you 100% sterile you’d also have to stop having a period, so how did your bf of 2 years never notice that you had one? He played himself and wasted your time. Good fucking riddance to him.
This guy wasted two years of *your* time. F him. NTA
I don’t get why people who want kids feel the need to seek those who don’t and change them. There are already plenty of people who are on the same page. I’ve had exes who tried this, but also plenty who start out liking the same music as I, but later admits they were hoping to change my musical taste too. I guess some people crave the satisfaction of knowing they got someone to rewrite their whole personality, their values, their dreams, all for the sake of that person’s “love.”
The only way this is his business falls under medical knowledge. Something you might tell your husband in case you get injured and can’t tell doctors your medical history. Not something the boyfriend of two years needs to know
The nerve of him, trying to baby trap you! I wonder if he’s been poking holes in the condoms too. Get and STD test and all new condoms.
A bunch of you are the kind of dudes that force women to lie about having boyfriends because you won’t respect her saying she isn’t interested and think you’ll change her mind.
Unless you are telling her about every single useless bit of medical info, you’ve no reason to think she should be telling you every bit of useless medical info. And that’s what this is. The news changes absolutely nothing because she wasn’t having kids anyway. The only people who would give a crap weren’t respecting her choice.
Saying you don’t want something didn’t matter to him. He didn’t care that you didn’t want kids, because he would MAKE you change your mind. He would force it on you. What a monster
NTA When you tell someone you don’t want to do something it should hold the same weight as when you tell them you’re not able to.
It’s BEYOND gross that, while it’s certainly not *only* cis men who do this, so many seem get off on the idea of getting an avowed child-free cis woman pregnant, and they’re so ~special~ in being born with sperm production and distribution capabilities. Same with the guys who tell lesbians they just haven’t met the “right man.”
Before I really go on a rant on that, OP, whether he *lied* about also not wanting children when you *told him upfront and outright,* or changed his mind (it was the former, two years isn’t long in that scope) later, the appropriate thing to do would have been to talk to you about it.
You *both* agreed in getting serious to no kids – your surgery was, under those auspices, moot. Y’all weren’t gonna be trying.
He may have been trying to start an “I changed my mind” convo, but revealed an Unforgiveable instead: I’m 99% certain this… person had already tried in some way to babytrap you, and this was finally an opening to finding out why whatever tampering he was up to or planning on hadn’t worked. His ~magical peen and person,~ not magical enough?!!!
Throw him and his equally gross mother to the curb and enjoy having that weight off of your shoulders and out of your life.
I also never, ever wanted kids. Birth control was a horrible experience, so I had to stop with it for a long time. It was nearly impossible to trust potential male partners in that window, I was (still am, alas) hypervigilant about the potential of SA resulting in pregnancy. It was a massive burden on what social life I had, especially with a circle of “friends” who were rather insistent on ~setting me up to settle down.~
My doc eventually figured out I had a massive fibroid putting me at constant odds with my uterus, and I got a hysterectomy.
While I’m still not particularly interested in dating, the *relief* of *knowing* I can’t get pregnant has been profound and ongoing in just living my life. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
You dodged a bullet with this guy letting his mask slip before moving in or making any more permanent arrangements.
For future… one suggestion… and if someone reading this has another POV of negative implications… I request to pls point out..
I feel you can tell guys you cant get pregnant in the beginning when you are comfortable…. that way you can get rid of guys like this who assume they can change your mind… people like this are soo damn bad and him and his mother acting like entitled people here is just so damn annoying!! This guy wasted your 2 years here … even if you didnt have a medical reason… he had no right expecting you to change your mind in future… Its your choice too and 2 people should get together only if both are on the same page about important decusions like this!!
He was not being honest about his intentions this whole time, yet he has the balls to get angry with you? If he really didn’t want kids, who cares if you are infertile or not?
I would say it was HIM that wasted YOUR time the last 2 years. Block him and his family and move on OP.
I will point out there are some phrasing red flags from your ex about an accidental pregnancy, that if he couldn’t change your mind, a baby would. Did you see an unusual number of broken condoms? Baby trapping goes both ways
Your situation is not funny, but it’s hard not to laugh at a man who spent years trying to baby trap a woman who couldn’t have kids, and then had the nerve to get angry when he found out it wasn’t possible.
Your definite choice of no kids was enough. It just interfered with what sounds like his plans to force the issue by interfering with your birth control.
Yes, you should have told your boyfriend you’re infertile regardless. Are you saying you’ve been with him for 2 years and the subject of contraception never came up? I don’t subscribe to the “‘it’s ok I’ll just pull out” method but if that were your only form of “contraception” and you made me pull out every time we had sex for, as it turns out, no reason at all – I’d be upset as well tbh.
But goddamn, what a gross piece of shit he is!!!! He was *hoping* you’d get “whoopsie” pregnant!
If nothing else, be up front about your infertility next time so that *you* don’t waste *your* time dating a creeper who wants to baby trap you.
Also, he’s a total ass.
You told him no kids from day 1. His wilful beliefs otherwise are not your responsibility.
Firstly, it’s your damn body. If you choose not to have kids, that’s the end of the conversation.
Secondly, you didn’t waste 2 years of his life. He did. You told him from the start you didn’t want kids. He chose to ignore that and hope that you’d change your mind. HE wasted his time, not you.
Thirdly – his mom? Really? If you need proof that someone isn’t mature enough to have a child, it’s the person who goes running to Mommy because the “mean” g/f won’t accidentally get pregnant for him.
Fourthly – you are not obliged to disclose your medical history to anyone unless you have a transmittable disease.
Fifthly – go forth and enjoy your child-free future without that man-baby to worry about!