This is your wife’s function — not a family visit. Make it a stress-free, enjoyable one for her. Stay with your wife and son in the hotel. YTA.

YTA you want to abandon your wife, possibly your kid. So you can go play mommys little boy? She is going to leave you if you don’t get your act correct. It is 1000% reasonable to only do lunch with family when you are in town for another event. You are the one making the drama.

I feel like YTA.

Not that sleeping apart per se is a problem, but the statement it passes. Your insistence on staying at your parents states that their hurtful behavior (whatever it is, you didn’t mention) is okay for you and your wife just have to learn hot to tolerate it.

Please note: for as long as your mother is tactless, your wife **does not have to** be understanding.

We get it. You’re a momma’s boy who expects your wife to accept disrespect from your mommy. Why did you get married? Your wife is now your primary family. She shouldn’t always have to suck it up.

YTA

YTA

Stop trying to earn those ‘good boy’ points with your parents. 

You are pissing off your wife…the person you vowed to place before all others, including your mother.

This trip isn’t about you, or about seeing your parents.

Get over yourself and give your wife a chance to enjoy herself without dragging your parents into it.

Meeting with your parents for lunch is more than generous considering the trip’s purpose. Do not push for more while you are there.

Don’t ruin this for her.

i feel like this would really damage your relationship with your wife. how do your parents feel about her staying over? it is a double edged sword here. if you stay at the hotel, you are choosing your wife over your parents & vice versa. ultimately, you are going there for your wife and she should be able to enjoy the wedding stress free

YWBTA

“It’s just issues that can not be bridged and won’t try to.”

Yet here you are trying to do just that.

Then you mention that it’s going to open a can of worms. Stop worrying about what mommy thinks so much and support your wife. You know, the one you chose as your life partner. She’s supposed to be the most important person in your life at this point.

YWBTA. You should be a unit with your wife and show a unified front. Staying in separate places tells your mom there are cracks, and she can keep breaking down your marriage. It’s crazy that you would even think of not staying together at the hotel. What kind of power does your mother wield over you that you would actually consider staying with your parents instead of at the hotel with your wife?

Yeah, YTA. This weekend is about your wife’s friends’ wedding; that’s the event, not visiting your parents, who just happen to live nearby the event. If your parents are really going to be a problem if you don’t stay with them then don’t even bother to tell them that you’re in town. You and your parents are causing a problem for your wife, not the other around.

I kinda hate every post like this bc the guy, instead of thinking his wife’s opinion on its own matters, comes to the internet to get strangers to determine the validity of his wife’s thoughts. Like if you truly can’t discern for yourself, just go with she’s probably smarter, and more correct than you during all occasions bc you can’t even figure out how to prioritize her.

Yta 

Hey mommy’s boy, what is more important? Your marriage or your sucking mommy’s teet? Grow up. I hope she finds a man who can stand up for her. You need some serious therapy

YTA. She is your wife. You have left out something here – what is causing this stress on your wife by your parents? You hinted something about ‘tact’ with your mother – so what, she just says nasty things and your wife is supposed to take it? And now you want to stay with your parents and visit your wife?

Your wife and son are your family now – you stay with them, and visit the parents. You have things around the wrong way. Decide who should be happier – people you don’t live with, or people you do live with.

YWBTA It’s not your family function. It’s her friends’. Support your life partner, the mother of your child. If you make a habit of disregarding her, you’ll end up being one of those men “I don’t know what happened, why does she want a divorce…”

Support your wife.

YWBTA (YTA).

Did your wedding vows include forsaking all others? Did you make an exception for your parents? You’re supposed to side with your wife whether or not you get it.

Your wife does not have to be “a bit more understanding”. She understands your mother way better than you do. You just have truly listened and believed your wife. You’re probably stuck in “well, that’s just the way mom is” or “she didn’t mean it like that” or “we just need to keep the peace”. Those are things to appease the family bully. Your wife’s peace should be the only peace that concerns you. You’re live will be much more peaceful when it is.

And, no, you don’t get to keep your son with you. Your parents don’t respect your wife. No respectful relationship with BOTH parents, means no relationship with their child/ren. You’d just be serving up your son to make your mommkins happy at the detriment of your wife.

The “can of worms” that YOUR mother/parents open up is yours to manage and deal with. Don’t bother your wife about problems you are having with your relatives. Your wife doesn’t have to be the social secretary for your relatives just because she’s female. Your wife also doesn’t have to listen to you whine or vent about your parents’ lack of respect for her. That’s what a therapist is for.

Apologize to your wife. Get a really nice hotel room.

YTA

” Us not staying is 100% going to open a whole new can of worms in an already fraught dynamic.” .. **so you try to punish your wife for your parent’s being toxic AHs?**

SHE is right.

” I’m considering saying that I’ll spend time at my parent’s (with our son if she’s ok with that) and link up with her at the hotel after breakfast on Saturday and Sunday if she really wants to just stay at the hotel.” .. you are deluding yourself. This will be even worse for you. Nice to see you mom, dad – Now I am going to have breakfast with my wife, NO you can NOT come. YOU are only good for supplying a bed, not for hanging out – THAT will end much worse than than not staying with them.

and: Your son will likely be overstimulated by the grandparents – so IF you take him there, you should offer to be the one responsible for him for all of the wedding and the night after – because it is YOU who causes this to be more stressful.

**YOur wife is handling that well. YOU are not.**

Yeah, YTA. Your wife married you, not your parents. You are going to the friend’s wedding, not to visit your parents. You had a choice to find someone that fit into whatever family dynamic you have with your parents before you married your wife if it was that important to you, but you didn’t. That ship has sailed, and it’s unfair to her for you to change your mind now. And seriously, who wants to stay with their “tactless” in laws while on vacation? Sounds terrible.

What exactly do you mean when you say your mom could have been more tactful and your wife could have been more understanding (presumably of your mom’s tactlessness)? Why should your wife accept and be more understanding of someone acting tactless towards her?

And why are you dismissing what happened as “inane” and “petty”.? What actually happened? The fact your wife says staying separate will help her maintain a good headspace indicates spending time with your parents IS a huge emotional drain on her. So spending more time would leave her spent emotionally.

Plus, your wife and mom are good during family events. Cool. But that is NOT the same as sleeping at another persons house and being more vulnerable to their expectations and needs. In fact, you say your parents EXPECT you guys stay there? Why do they expect it?

And why do you NEED their help? What does their help usually look like? Would it be help to her? She will probably be just moving and getting stuff ready for the wedding and won’t have time to explain to your extra helpers what their role will be in helping. She’ll already be directing you and your kid in regard to get ready. Coordinating more people to help isn’t help.

She wants to enjoy her friend’s wedding. She wants to enjoy the wedding with you and the child.

I feel like something else is missing here.

I get why you want it spend more time with your parents but she’s willing to bracket the visit with time with them. How exactly will staying with them provide help? For her friend’s wedding? And while they are doting on your kid and probably distracting him from getting wedding ready for the wedding? Do you want them to dote on him or help prepare? You can’t do both easily. Doting tends to distract kids.

Wow, tell me you’re a mommy’s boy without telling me you’re a mommy’s boy!!!

YTAH. Not only do you tolerate your wife being disrespected by your parents particularly your mommy, you even blame her for the bad relationship and expect her to suck it because it makes your life more comfortable.

It’s bad enough she has to tolerate it on holidays, but you’re having a tantrum because she wants to spend the least time there as possible, and opts not to go when she has doesn’t have to.

The way your going, you won’t have to worry about seeing mommy and daddy, you will be seeing them all the time when your living back in their house, after your wife dumps you for a man who doesn’t put her to the back of the queue for his affections.

YTA. Stay with your wife and kid at a hotel. 

I will never in my life understand people like you. It isn’t on your wife to ignore and accommodate tactlessness on the part of your mother. And you don’t have to spend every possible moment with your parents. Your wife is the person you are suppose to have made a commitment to. Maybe support her?

YWBTA

Man if only mommy wasnt already married 🙁 hang in there bud

INFO: What is your mums behaviour and what do you think your wife could have been more understanding about? 

I am thinking that you may be minimising her experience with your Mum because you accept her behaviour.

YTA. Unless you want further alienate your family from your parents family I would get on the same page as your wife. This kind of thing will only lead to resentment and where will your parents be for you then? When you get married, you are accepting and starting of family of your own. That family is your priority. If your wife were to leave you are your parents going to Step up?

You’re willing to let your parents blow up your marriage, for what exactly? Are they gonna support you during the divorce? Are they gonna make any attempts to help you with the kids? You need to think long run and quit thinking about what makes just you happy. They are trying to control you and they’re using your wife as the tool. You allow it because your mom probably enables you to sit around while your wife just waits on your hand and foot.

You also need to consider that this is an event not a vacation. She probably wants the hotel room so she can get ready and not be distracted. I could see your parents coming up with a lot of things last minute to take away from her responsibilities. It is very hard for a mother to juggle her kids and herself, especially when the husband‘s off doing his own thing.

The idea of me getting ready in a household, full of people and chaos, especially when those other people do not respect me, I wouldn’t like that situation either. If you were to stay the night at your parents house. The kids would not have any structure and I doubt they would help much.

What if the situation were reversed? You know you’re an asshole, and it doesn’t matter what a bunch of Internet strangers think. If your wife thinks you’re an asshole, that’s the only person’s opinion that matters because she’s the only one who wants to live with you. Marriage is a choice not a prison sentence. Your wife can walk away whenever she wants.

YTA for even considering staying apart from your wife.

YTA, and don’t be surprised if you end up on
r/AmItheEx

YTA. You had to ask strangers on the internet if you need to be a good husband and father? You must not be either. How pathetic. How sad for your wife and child that you can’t stand up for them and be there when they need you. Getting ready for a wedding is ALREADY hectic without having to coordinate between different locations AND throwing a small child into the mix!

How can they expect you to be the man they need? What if your child has issues with your parents in the future? Are you going to tell them ‘just suck it up, Grandma’s more important than you, Mommy already learned that lesson?’

YWBTA and you know it. You know your mother doesn’t get along with your wife. You’re in town BECAUSE of an event for your wife, and your idea is… a whole weekend of the two sharing your mother’s space.

I don’t even have to meet your mom to know she would make your wife’s time to get ready full of frustration and stress, either by playing with the grandson or just making little remarks.

You staying with your parents while your wife and child are at the hotel sends your mom the message that you don’t care to put your wife’s feelings first. This will embolden her to be even less cordial with your wife on visits.

Give your parents the opportunity to go eat with your family after you’re checked in at the hotel. I would also advise you support your wife when your mom is inappropriate, in word or deed, to your wife.

Info: Did you marry your wife, or your mother?

YTA. You need to be a united front with your wife. If your wife feels so strongly about it – I think the issue is bigger than you are acknowledging. You need to put her and your son first – before she feels that you only have one foot in your marriage and she isn’t important enough for you to stand up for.

Also, what extra help do you need? Both parents, you and your wife, will be present at the hotel – can’t you help with your son, and the clothes? Your wife won’t want your mother who isn’t being kind to her to “help”, with her son or her clothing. Your wife needs her husband to actually help.

Go to the hotel, be present for your wife and son. Be a family unit. Be supportive and helpful.

YTA unless you want to be a single dad down the road when your wife gets tired of you picking your mommy over her and your kid, stay at the hotel with your wife ffs.

Yta. Plan a trip to see family some other time and be there with your wife to enjoy the weekend’s events.

YTA. You think not staying at your parents’ house will open a new can of worms, but you don’t think that will happen if you throw your wife under the bus? “Mom, I tried to get her to come stay here but she’d rather be alone in a hotel room” is the right way to go about it you think, instead of standing up for your wife and being supportive?

The weekend isn’t about you, and it’s not about visiting your family. This is a wedding for your wife’s friend, and your wife wants to have fun WITHOUT the stress of your mother’s lack of tact (your wife doesn’t have to be understanding about tactlessness by the way; your mother should have just been more tactful). Your wife agreed to meet your parents for a meal, but if she wants to stay in a hotel because she’ll feel better there, stay in a hotel with her. In terms of getting help taking care of your kid, suck it up and do it without your parents’ “help”.

Being untactful and refusing to put up with tactlessness are not equivalent. There’d be no need for your wife to be understanding if your mother had behaved right. When you’re staying at your mom’s house, who’s doing child care all by herself? Your wife. Some vacation. YTA for caring more about your mom’s comfort than your wife’s.

Dude, YTA. Cut the apron strings already.

YWBTA, this weekend is about your wife and her celebrating her friend. I would not want to spend an entire weekend where I’m supposed to be celebrating stuck staying in a house where I know the occupants don’t even care for me and having my partner essentially ditch me would be no better. That would sour the entire mood. You want her to suck it up & deal with your parents, but you can’t suck it up and stay at a hotel? Way to support your spouse.

Your immediate family comes first now bud. Plain and simple. Stay at the hotel with your wife and child and stop making the trip about you and your side of the the family.

YTA. Start taking your wife’s side more or you’ll be spending a lot more time on mommy’s house when she divorces you.

Yta. How could you even think about leaving your wife in a hotel on her own? That is disrespectful and darn right wrong. 

“I’m fortunate that we’re far enough that they have to meet infrequently…”

More like \*your wife\* is fortunate.

YTA for putting your update in a completely different subreddit just to see if you could get people to agree with you. It looks like that strategy backfired.

YTA twice over for still bugging your wife about it, which I’ll be willing to bet you’re still doing.

YTA. You’re married to your wife, not your parents which translates to you should be staying at the hotel with your wife.

Another dude with an Edipus complex. Yta. Grow a pair!

YTA. Sounds like you should’ve married mommy instead.

YOU LEAVE YOUR MOTHER AND CLEAVE TO YOUR WIFE!!!!! YOUR WIFE COMES BEFORE YOUR MOTHER AT ALL TIMES!!!!! They do not get along, but you seem to be more concerned about your mother and her feelings than the woman you married. I understand you have tried to bridge the relationship between them to no avail, understandable, but you should do what your wife is asking. If they don’t get along, staying under your mother’s roof won’t make it any better, it’ll be uncomfortable. Appease your wife. Noone should have to tell you this. You are 100% TAH!!!!!

What you call “quality time” with your parents is torture for your wife. Why would you do that? Staying under someone’s roof 24/7 is a helluva lot different than a 1 hour lunch.

YTA big time for all of this but especially for saying you’ll leave her ALONE in another city in a hotel room while you play mama’s little boy.

Word of advice, you can play up staying at a hotel better than you can play off your wife staying somewhere else. You’re just highlighting the fact that there is tension and making it worse.

You keep saying your parents will be a help… but take the freaking hint that YOUR WIFE DOESNT WANT THEIR HELP! She doesn’t want help or advice about your son. She wants a family experience of just you her and your son. She doesn’t want to include others. This has nothing to do with your family. This isnt a family visit. This isn’t your parents event. Their feelings and wants DO NO MATTER. They may like if you stayed there, but thats their expectations to manage. You dont need to manage their disappointment. What you do have to do it show a united front and not throw your wife under the bus. “Hey thanks for the offer to stay but WE want to stay at the hotel. Its part of the fun of going to a wedding.”

I for one would feel so much more comfortable getting ready at a hotel than at my inlaws who barely tolerate me and judge how I parent my child. And if your wife needs help getting your son ready guess what.. that is YOUR job.

Yta. “ My mom could’ve been more tactful, my wife could’ve been a bit more understanding ”

I think we all know what this really means. Your mom is constantly throwing little barbs at your wife and when she finally couldn’t take it anymore, she gets blamed for not being “more understanding.”

Your wife wants to go and have a good time at her friends wedding but your mom is so much that your wife has anxiety over just thinking about having to interact with her. 

Only a fool would even ask this question.

And yes, after reading this and your update, YTA. Massively.

My guess is he doesn’t want to help

“Link up with her” 
This guy definitely corporate drones. 

Yep YTA, and a mommy’s boy.

YTA. This is your wife’s friends wedding. Forcing her to spend time with people she does not get along with is cruel and mean, and will set your wife up to have a horrible time at the wedding. Find your backbone and stay at the hotel with your FAMILY, because your wife and your child are your family and they come first. She has already comprised by suggesting meeting your parents before and after the function. Be the husband she needs and support her.

YTA- somehow you have managed to make an event that your wife is involved in all about you.
She must be so disappointed. You had a chance to be the awesome supportive husband. You probably could still be that guy. But only if you grow up.
This story shows you as being selfish and manipulative. Not a good look. If your mom can’t be nice to your wife then your wife doesn’t need to stay there…and honestly the fact that you expect her to is wrong.
Do better.

Definitely YTA here. Your wife is there to support her friend in their wedding. Keep your family drama far away from that event. If your mom and wife already don’t get along, I can’t imagine your mom actually WANTS your wife to stay there anyway so it’s not going to make things worse, but you two staying there will make it miserable for all of you.

YTA if you do this. All you have to do is tell your parents you are staying at the hotel where all the wedding party is staying (even if it’s not) and where there will be activities you will be participating in. That’s a perfect built-in excuse.

Man up.

Get your fucking shit together my guy. YTA. Obviously. Look in the mirror.

Geez. Take the advice given and RESPECT YOUR WIDE. Coming at her a second/third/fourth/fifth etc time is utterly disrespectful.

I’d love to know how your wife’s MONSTER-in-law has treated her for her to point blank refuse to stay in your mother’s house. Because it sounds like your monster-mother treats your wife like shite. And since you don’t elaborate on that we all know that means you’re a Momma’s boy and Mummy can’t do anything wrong.

You’re lucky to still have a marriage especially after your update where you went against everyone’s advice and tried pressuring your wife yet again into staying at your Mummy’s house.

YTA

Compromise. Spend as much time with your parents, but sleep with your wife at the hotel.

Are you by any chance Indian??

I’m a mother in law and a grandma. I have had issues with my in law children, BUT. My children love their spouses and they take care of each other. Their children are miraculous and perfect. While I would not choose them, it isn’t my business. I love them and do my best to meet them where they are. Having said that, a compromise is needed on both sides. Maybe stay after the wedding. Support your spouse and love your mom. It can be that simple.

NTA. If she’s not comfortable at your parents place it’s ok for her to stay in a hotel. Is she ok with that – did she ask you to stay with her and not with them?

NAH. Talk to her about this idea. She may think it’s great to have a solo hotel stay, help with the kid, you get family time and she doesn’t have to join in.

If you frame it right it seems win-win.