What does your lease say about visitors?

The rent isn’t about the room – it’s about the sharing of an entire home with other people. You shouldn’t have to live around ANOTHER person which requires all kinds of accommodating and sharing without that person reducing your rent expense.

If one room is much larger with a private bath, etc. then that does come into play via the amount of rent.

He needs to pay a portion of the full rent not a portion of hers.

If you signed a lease, then you have rights over her BF. Usually, leases will have a part about people not staying more than X amount of days in X amount of time. If he going over that, she’s in violation of her lease agreement.

Check with your landlord about people not on the lease living there. The majority don’t allow it. Her argument that he lives in her room doesn’t hold water because he’s using the common areas and coming in the apartment when she’s not there which compromises your privacy. Given that he doesn’t have his own room I think 40% YOU and 60% THEM would be a fair split. She might think she can “sue” you but if her bf is an illegal tenant the landlord can evict them.

If he has a key, spends more than one night or two there per week using the utilities like water and electricity, he’s moved in. Landords typically don’t allow anyone to copy keys to give out.

Your roomate is overstepping big time.

NTA, but this roommate situation will only get worse now. If I were you, I’d seek other accommodations quickly and not renew the lease. Tell her you won’t be renewing and will be looking elsewhere.

In whose name is the lease, hers, yours or both?

Start planning now. If you have to eat a little $$ to get away from this situation, then do it. There’s no peace living with angry salty people.

Also, lock up your personal kitchen stuff so you’re the only one who can use it. You’re lucky they haven’t ruined them by accident; now, you need to worry about it happening on purpose.

With your next roommate, yall need to agree in advance about visitors – who, when, where and how long – and that visitors don’t have community privileges, get a key, be there on their own, or any surprises. You can add to that list.

Good luck!

He sleeps in her room but uses the entire apartment and the utilities are shared by the household. Good on you op.

NTA, if you are coming home to the dude just channel surfing he needs to be paying rent.

>She said that because he lives in her room that he could consider kicking in for her rent but not mine.

First, you have a right to demand consensus on who lives with you. IMO each of you should have veto power over bring in a partner. 

Just on the money side it’s fairly easy: 

* Subtract the sq ft of the bedrooms from the total. You each pay 1/3 of that portion.  
* They pay the entirely of one bedroom, you pay the entirety of yours. 
* You all split the utilities 3 ways. 
* You get to decide which personal and kitchen items can be used. 
* They come up with 1/3 of the deposit you both put up to move in and cut you a check. 

how many days/nights is he staying? if its more than 2-3 nights a week he needs to pay rent, not spilt hers, 1/3.

if its less than that and you just dont like him then ehhhhhh still NTA but borderline.

also check your lease, overnight guests/sub letting/visitors policy

You’re not the bad one. The boyfriend basically lives there (uses your things, comes and goes as he wants, increases the expenses) and she wants you to cover half? No way. 33% is more than fair. If she threatens to sue, tell her that you can also claim for the illegal use of the property (he’s not on the lease). She should take responsibility for her partner, it’s not your responsibility

Did u have a conversation w the roommate about her bf before changing the rent split?

She shouldnt have given him the keys without asking u, but u need to bring up ur concerns like an adult, she might not even know that him being around bothers u

ESH…people need to learn how to use their words and confront people when they’re crossing boundaries. Why would you ever allow this and not discuss it with her? As soon as you noticed him over all of the time, a discussion should’ve been had. Instead you did the passive aggressive thing and shorted her on the rent.

Girl, charge that freeloader. It should be split 3 way. He’s using up utilities and staying there like he’s on the lease (there while your roommate is not home).

If she continues to give hell. Either she moves out or you but you didn’t agree for him to be there almost 24-7. You can’t even be comfortable in your own home. Like what if you wanted to walk around the house butt ass naked or almost naked. Charge him.

NTA! I hate it when roommates pull this stunt and expect the single roommate to pay the rent and other higher bills for their partner smh

“ hey landlord, my roommate has basically moved her boyfriend in and I’m wondering if that means we need to split the rent three ways or is he even allowed to do that?? “

If he is carrying house keys he’s paying rent. Ask her if she would be ok with you putting up bunk beds and letting 3 or 4 more people live there for free as long as they sleep in your room.

He is mot on lease kick him out then. Tell her notifying landlord of a squatter then

If you don’t have anything about who pays how much rent and the terms of the roommate agreement in writing, you are both assholes to yourselves. Perhaps you will both learn. For now all you can do is have adult conversations about problem solving.

Personally, I would be more pissed that someone else has a key to my living space without my consent.

NTA
Offer to move out then they can do 50/50.

He does not have his own space… someone that has their own space doesn’t hang out in their gf space while they aren’t there.

He moved it- and they want to split it to give themselves only 25/25% of the rent… you did the right thing…

Also look for your own place

Some leases prohibit giving a key to anyone other than the legal tenant(s) without permission from the landlord.

The fact that roomie gave a key to the property to some rando and giving him access to your space and your stuff is an infuriating breach of trust.

Your roomie is clueless, what she’s doing is not legit, and you oughta tell her that you will involve the landlord if the situation is not rectified immediately.

Her being thirsty does not entitle her to violate your safe space, your stuff, your privacy.  

Talk about entitled…

I would say you pay 40% of rent and 33% of utilities

NTA, tell the landlord that this dude moved in.

You split the apartment into three spaces, living space , kitchen , bathroom is worth 50% and each bedroom 25%. You pay your 25% for your bedroom and a third of the 50% for living areas.. so 41.67% for you, the rest for them. Utilities split three ways. Otherwise he stays max one night a week and absolutely is not there when she is not. And no key!

NTA. I’ll bet your lease/rental agreement specifically excludes people not listed as tenants. Inform your landlord that the boyfriend has moved in so he can be added to the lease and everyone’s liability is protected. Keep paying 1/3.

I’d say “oh you wanna talk legal, how about you violating the lease because the amount of time he spends here far exceeds our leases overnight guest rules. The rent I’m paying is for a two person living situation. Having another person here takes up space, adds to our utilities, and doesn’t make this feel like a private space I can call home anymore when there’s people I didn’t sign up to live here constantly.”

The expenses (water, electricity, etc.) are divided by the number of people living in the house, the rent is paid by the people present on the contract. If your roommate doesn’t understand this, notify the landlord and have her abusive boyfriend evicted.

You can get him kicked out but you can’t just not pay….

Time to move.

NTA. He is basically living there and using utilities. Also, its not the arrangement you had when you moved in. At that time it was just the two of you. Has she asked how you feel about having a second roommate? She’s inconsiderate and he is freeloading. You were right to do what you did.

NTA.

Tell them the rent goes 3 ways or you’re letting the landlord know this happened without your consent.

NTA- let her try to sue you, she has moved someone else in without your consent or consent of the landlord.

Isn’t there a written agreement? In the US normally you can’t have guests stay very long that aren’t on the lease. And if he’s not on the lease he’s squatting. And the fact that he stays beyond visiting he has substantially changed the lease agreement.

Nta

NTA
I’d flip out when they showed up with out her there. Handing out a key should have been ok’d

I would say it was a little passive aggressive. You should have had a conversation with your roommate before going nuclear.

He should DEFINITELY contribute to the rent and utilities, as well as food because he’s always there. He should not be there when your roommate isn’t home, so if he is, and he uses your communal space, utilities, and uses your things, he should be paying.

Talk to your landlord and find out if he’s allowed to live there. Make sure he knows that you are not okay with the boyfriend, and you are looking for a reason to get rid of him, not get permission from the landlord for him to stay.

When the lease is up move out You may be able to get out of the lease because bf is a replacement tenant talk with the landlord

I don’t think her suing you would go anywhere. Let her try. Sounds like the relationship is already pretty damaged at this point. You should’ve had a talk with her before you just cut the amount you were gonna give her. But as far as what you did, that’s NTA move. If the guy is really there that often and can come and go as he wishes he does need to pick up a share of the rent.

I guess technically ESH since you’re both wrong in the rent split.

Splitting the rent 50/50 between you and them – and then them deciding among themselves how to cover their half – isn’t right. As you point out, he’s not just using her room, he’s using the shared spaces. The rise in the utilities is evidence of that. But your 3-way split is also not quite right. You have a whole room to yourself, and they split one.

I think the way to think about it is to divide the apartment into two categories – share space and private space (i.e. bedrooms). The cost of the shared space gets divided 3 ways and the cost of the private space gets divided 2 ways. This is assuming the private spaces are more or less equal. How the total rent gets divided into the shared and private amounts is something you’ll have to work out. Just going by the square footage is the simplest option.

But I also have to call out your roommate for separate behavior. Independently of how you cover the rent, she really should have been more respectful of you regarding her bf’s being in the apartment. Him being there without her and using your stuff is something she shouldn’t have assumed would be okay.

This is slippery slope. If you and your roommate have to decide on something about the house the decision is 50/50, if he starts paying 1/3 of the rent then’ll want 1/3 of the say in such decision then he will always side with her and they will always have their way.

I think you could simply calculate the difference in utilities cost and ask her to pay that difference. And of course make sure everyone is on the same page about what is your stuff and what they are or are not allowed to touch.

Still if you can’t get along with him I wouldn’t want to stay in that situation.

Is his name on the lease? No? Him and her make of 2/3 of the whole and need to pay accordingly.

That said – alerting the landlord to the issue – which most likely is a breach of the lease agreement would hopefully make him go away.

NTA 

You should have brought this up prior to giving a reduced amount of rent since now the topic starts off being combative. She’s also right that 1/3rd isn’t a fair metric since he’s (hopefully) not utilizing your space. A way I have handled this in the past is to take the total amount of rent and divide it by the square footage. Now remove the amount you are paying for your exclusive spaces, think your rooms and your bathrooms if you each have one to yourself. You can now split the rent that is being paid towards the shared spaces threw ways since they are utilizing more of it. Utilities are then split into thirds. The price difference probably won’t be that much different but you will remove the argument that he would be paying for part of your private space from the equation.

If he’s got a key then he’s there a lot and should be contributing financially towards utilities and food. As a minimum. Check out the lease and see if you’re allowed to add a third tenant.

NTA y’all aren’t renting rooms y’all are renting the entire space and I would even flex going into the landlord about him moving in to have the rent adjusted if she didn’t wanna handle it herself

I wouldn’t want him to have a key. I would have something available to use if he came in without his girlfriend there. I am not talking about a gun. Maybe roach spray.

That moment when you realize Sheldon was right?

I had the same situation when my roommates got married then they wanted to ‘renegotiate’ the financial situation. I promptly move the eff out of that story. There was no bloody way I was going to pay a dime more just because they got married. I wasn’t even invited to their wedding.

Check your lease. You may be able to evict the boyfriend.

I remember, the one time I rented an apartment, I was the only one on the lease and it specifically said “no overnight visitors”. When I argued with the landlady about it, she said there was no problem with my having my boyfriend over, but she was leaving the clause in the lease in case things got problematic. You may have a similar clause in the lease contract.

Honestly you should give her the ultimatum about telling the landlord. She’ll probably change her tune real quick.

NTA Quite a few years ago I was the roommate. My BF practically lived there most days. When my roommate left me a note about it not being fair I have to admit I was not happy. It was so long ago I dont remember how much longer we were roommates but the tension was high. Looking back, I see how right she was. It wasn’t fair for her to cover him. I the end I didn’t see the red flags waving high. He contributed nothing, she left he moved in with the promise of paying half, never did, for some dumb reason I married the jerk. Wasted a few more years then divorced him.

Standard practice is that rent is split evenly between bedrooms, bills and utilities are split evenly amongst housemates.

Yes, of course your water, electricity and gas usage goes up, so he pays for that.

ESH for not discussing things properly before he moved in

You should have talked to her like an adult.

I wouldn’t want a third person in the apartment all the time either. And the first time I came home and the boyfriend/girlfriend was there and not the person I was on the lease with, I would have said that was not cool, and if it happened again I would have been checking the lease to see what it says about additional occupants.

Y T A if you didn’t say anything to your roommate when this started bothering you, but NTA for thinking you shouldn’t have to pay half the expenses now.

YTA only because instead of talking to her first you just straight up with held rent. Also it wouldn’t be 33% unless there was 3 rooms and they took 2 of them. You are paying for your room in the house AND shared space.

Updateme!

You’ve had a 3rd roommate for 4 mos? Yikes.

The two of you are on the lease. I would check in with the landlord and let them know about the BF. I would also let the roommate know that this is your home, not the BF, and that you are not okay with him being there alone, and having keys.

Good move with paying the reduced rent. I would also send it directly to the landlord from now on. It’s just a better proof of payment and less of a chance that roommate decides to keep it and tell the landlord that you didn’t pay.

Looks like you are not on the lease so just move out and find something that’s a better fit for you.

NTA. 3 people need to split. If you don’t, you’re paying for his share.

Then call her bluff and see if she sues you, when she’s the one breaking the lease contract which I assume included both of you but not him. NTA

You hate common spaces so you pay for 1/3 the use of those and full use of your room. You would need to do a sqft calculation to see the actual fair split. But also yeah talk to your landlord bc I promise she’s breaking the rules in the lease.

Fine another roommate

NTA. Check out your lease what does it say about visitors? Talk to your landlord.

This is not right. They are trying to force you to accept the situation which is in their favor but is unfair to you.

A lot of this will depend on the laws in wherever you live.

But who is on the lease? Is it just your flatmate, it are you both on the same lease? Or do you rest have separate leases for your rooms?

Regardless, this is something you should DISCUSS with your flatmates, not just spring on them by dictat

Why even bother on Reddit? U are a renegade in a crumbling world of kids in adult bodies

You should discuss this with the landlord. They usually like to know who’s in the apartment and they might be able to back you up on the 33% thing or say that the bf can’t stay over often enough to factor into your utilities.’

I had a related, but opposite experience in grad school. Roommate just up and moved in with her boyfriend and didn’t drop off her part of the rent. Her stuff was still in here room, mail still came, but she was never there. We had a collective intervention and explained the idea of a lease contract to her and made is clear that we weren’t just going to roll over and pay her rent. She had a deer in the headlights look for the several more times she came by to pay her rent after that.

Please get a mini bar fridge, pronto…

Then put that in your room, alongside all your personal items such as pots/pans, food, snacks, TP, paper towels, & anything that YOU own no matter how trivial.

Put a lock on your bedroom door as Mr. Sticky Fingers has a very bad habit of using your personal belongings without your permission as well.

Your Roomie & her mooching BF are being shady AF that I’d squeal to your Landlord or Property Manager about this, too.

Do not give your Roomie any more rent $ or bill $, until her Grifter Boy-Toy finally MOVES OUT.

You may have to move out which isn’t a bad thing, either.

NTA

I let my brother live with me for a bit.

At some point, I figured out that his boyfriend had moved in.

I sat them down and said ‘it appears you have moved in here. So everything will be in thirds now.’

Cue the ‘we share one room’ comments.

I said I don’t give a crap. Y’all up in my kitchen, bathroom, living room, this is how it is.

Idk but you better not still be splitting utilities 50/50

You still owe half the rent. He should definitely make up the difference in utilities

Chances are shes violating the lease by having him live there though

I know other comments said this but if you can’t resolve it over a level-headed conversation with her/them, then I would immediately be emailing my landlord (without telling the roommate) letting them know a man is living there illegally and has somehow acquired a pair of keys to your apartment/property. Your landlord won’t be happy and will make it a problem.

If it were me I’d say okay if he only wants to chip in for HER rent, then he is limited to her room when he’s over. If he’d like to use the other spaces in your HOME, then he needs to pay a portion of the full amount or at the very least chip in for bills since he’s clearly making them go up.

Ya 3 way split on all household bills. As long as you’re on the lease you have the power.

I had a roommate that tried to split her 50% with her boyfriend until I was moving and it changed to 33% apiece

NTA. Now that the BF has moved in, he should not be renting free.

Who’s on the lease? If the argument continues, you’ll just have to notify the landlord of the change in the situation.

NTA

Your landlord likely isnt going to be happy you’ve moved someone in… it could lead to eviction if it’s found out.
Even though it’s not YOU doing it, the spash back absolutely can hit you and fuck shit up.

Most leases I’ve ever had have had wording on the lease for guests, short term, long term, and what constitutes a guest vs tenant.
Also states penalties for moving in people undeclared on the lease.

I strongly suggest that you pay the landlord on your own. Just to be safe.

If three people are residing together by a large majority of the time, the rent AND utilities should be split three ways.
The costs add up.

>Sometimes I’ll come home from work and he’ll have let himself in even though she’s not home.

The first time this happened should have been the *last.* That is wrong on so many levels if this was not discussed and agreed to beforehand. Especially for a female roommate to find herself alone with a relative stranger.

But this has a simple solution: **just move out.** Do it while she’s at work with no notice. Seems that OP is not on the lease. Let her learn the meaning of FAFO (but be sure your mutual friends know about secretly giving a key to the BF so they understand the gravity of why you moved out).

Good for you. If you’re allowing a third person to live there, they should pay the difference.

Explain to your roommate that her rent has also decreased.

This is such obvious and easy ESH. You suck bc it should have been a conversation and you should have come to an agreement. You can’t just short her on rent and say she deserves it. She sucks bc she shouldn’t allow her bf there without her and without discussing it with you. ESH.

updateme

I’d compromise to him paying the bills and food costs, I don’t know if a full 33% makes sense, but that’s just me.

Either way, it’s complicated and you’re NTA

When we had roommates, we split the rent by room lived in and bathroom, if there was more than one bathroom. Utilities were split per person.

NTA and updateme 

33% for shared spaces and utilities (since 3 people now use them), but still 50% for bedrooms, since they still only take up 1 bedroom (even with 2 people living in it).

If another person has fully moved in it makes no sense for them to NOT pay rent. NTA.

NTA but it may be best to look for somewhere else to live – there’s going to be increased tension, a two against one situation and your stuff will continue to be used as communal property.

You do owe more rent if you are on the lease with her. However, you should not pay 50% of the utitiies any longer if they have gone up since he has been there.

aNd to be honest, I would find a new place once your lease is up. If a roommate does not have a discussion with you about a boyfriend moving in, they clearly are not a considerate roommate so it’s not going to be a good place to live anyway. She is the A. However, that being said, to simply give her less without talking to her to express your concern, you are also the A.

And why are you giving her the rent money, maybe you should start paying the landlord directly….are you a legal tenant? From here on out, tell her that you will be Zelling thee LL directly your portion of the rent. Also, don’t pay rent in cash. Dos she give you a receipt every month?

UpdateMe!

ah the garbage people handbook: moving someone in without asking and without paying for more people. a classic for the kind of people that are a burden to humanity

NTA

I wish for a society that no longer accepts such garbage. why does humanity has to life with such garbage?

Oh and next time he is talking down to you? “Okay enough. You are disrespectful to me in my home? You are a guest. You have 30seconds to leave or I will call the cops the remove you!” And then do it!

Nta. Pay yurr 50%, find new place to rent. I wouldn’t want to live with that,

She says he lives in her room, so he should just pay her. That only flies if he never comes OUT of that room. Once he leaves her room, he is in your half of the apartment, too.

If you have a roommate,  you can’t have a perpetual guest over

You should pay your half of the rent because that’s what your lease dictates (probably) but only pay 33 percent of utilities. Get landlord involved.

Once landlord talks to you guys then maybe pay 1/3 of rent of rent/utilities.

hey, dummy, you have a lease, tell her that her boyfriend can’t have a key, can’t be there when she isn’t, can’t use your shit and absolutely can’t move in. You can literally tell the landlord and he can give her a warning about having a permanent ‘guest’. Also any large increase in bills should be covered by her. You can’t just not give her money for rent, you are legally obligated to pay the rent you agreed to but she can’t move in a third person without your permission, so do something about that.

YTA Going to assume you both have signed a lease? If so that is an agreement that assigns 50/50 rent. If you want to change that then have a conversation with your roommate first, like an adult and either you, or both go and change the lease agreement or one of you lets the other take over and the other moves out. What you did was a passive aggressive avoidance of dealing with something you aren’t comfortable with.

You are perfectly within your right to express concerns over sharing space with her boyfriend. Changing the lease is another conversation.

Boyfriend/girlfriend arrivals are the number one issue that damage roommate relationships.

ESH. You should be having adult discussions before changing anything about living arrangements. This includes moving in a partner or changing how much each pays.

**You are not TA for being annoyed about this**, but your actions make you a lesser AH but still an AH. ES but your roommate sucks more.

About suing you: well that might not go quite as you think it would. On paper it’s still just the two of you, 50/50. You should’ve notified the landlord when it first became obvious this guy was living there (had his own keys and being there even when his girlfriend was out – there’s probably something in the rental contract about key holders and visitors and number of people legally allowed to live in the apartment). Let the landlord adjust the rental agreement and the new split of rent.

ESH You have separate pots and pans? Weird, but okay. Honestly, I think everyone’s at fault here. She should have asked if you minded.
You should have said you did and wanted to pay less before just acting on it.
And him, well, he might have assumed, like I would, that having separate pots and pans is unusual, so it probably didn’t even cross his mind

YTA for not discussing this ahead of time and shorting her on the rent without notice.

If you don’t like something it’s your responsibility to fix it.

YTA for not talking to your roommate about the situation and just paying less. Pots and pans are usually fair game in any kitchen I’ve been in. If there’s things bothering you about your living situation, you need to bring them to your roommate’s attention and come to an agreement.

I mean….i think YTA because you didn’t talk to your roommate about your concerns and then decided you only owed 33%. Like grow up and have an adult conversation.

INFO. To be clear are you refusing to pay 50% of the rent or utilities?

The way you went about it was super asshole. You could have had a conversation first before just stiffing your roommate. If youre on the lease you’re both financially responsible for paying rent. You can’t just decide yours is lowered because you have feelings.

Have a conversation, calmly and respectfully, with your roommate and try to find a common ground. You’re also entitled to not come home to finding people in the house who aren’t on the lease.

As far as him using your cookware, kitchens are communal spaces. You can’t get bugged when you leave something intended to be used in a communal space and it gets used.

Ive always had issues with splitting 3 ways with a 2 bedroom space. I also feel 50/50 is unfair. There should be room to compromise somewhere in between say 60/40

I’d say just up and offering 33% without talking about it was the wrong thing to do. I would have gave the 50% as usual this time and when I gave it to her mention him living there and tell her next month you’d give 33%. In other words, a months notice

I would say since it’s a 2 bedroom that splitting the rent 50/50 is okay but that the utilities should be split 3 ways if he is causing them to go up. But you also can’t just unilaterally decide to change how much you will pay without talking to her. This should have been a discussion.

YTA if you want to change rent responsibilities that’s a conversation but it does not start with refusing to pay what’s already been established. You can tell boyfriend he’s not welcome anymore. You can’t decide he’s on the lease and you owe less now. Pay what’s already been agreed on and move out of you can’t handle being spoken to appropriately apparently.

NTA for wanting her bf to pay her share. YTA for just giving her less without a conversation or anything first. If you’re both on the lease it is an unfortunate situation but you can’t just decide not to pay a certain amount of agreed bills without a new agreement.

More info please.. did you discuss your concerns and frustrations or was the 1st overt sign from you a 1/3 rent transfer?

You two need to talk, clearly. I’m skeptical on the utilities claim lol. And who has the bigger room, I’ve usually done more of a 60/40 in these scenarios. Pots and pans meh. Sounds like ESH.

I see posts like this all the time and it just doesn’t make sense to me. Years ago I was the roommate that had a BF that was there frequently. Probably 4 nights a week. I voluntarily paid more for utilities without being asked and threw in a bit extra for rent here and there if he was around more than usual. I don’t understand how your roommate doesn’t understand that having another person cooking, going to the bathroom, showering etc doesn’t increase the cost of being there.

YTA.

YTA, she brings a guy over and he is not you type, deal with it. Why should he ask if he uses kitchen appliances and cleans them? Silly. 

And 33% isn’t fair as long as he’s not 100% moved in. Get a grip.

YTA. Her boyfriend is over alot and he annoys you but… u still owe 1/2 rent, you dont just change the rules last second for no reason and its still 1 room each.
I would have a real discussion re utilities and ask that she pays for the increase or wtvr.
Communication its what adults do not wierd passive aggressive resentment stuff.