Nestled in the house once occupied by her husband’s parents, she found herself in a scenario that many would find uncomfortable and complicated. Her husband, Tim, and she had recently taken up residence in a space that was rich with history—yet, beneath the familiar walls, there lay unforeseen layers waiting to be uncovered. Little did she know, her quiet life was about to change in ways she had never imagined, revealing family secrets that could shake her world.
As she navigates the complicated terrain of her new home, she begins to unravel the mysteries that have silently lingered in the background. This story isn’t just about moving into a house—it’s about the twists and turns that come with uncovering truths and facing realities that challenge the definition of family, trust, and love. The ending she never expected awaits—one that could redefine her future and her understanding of her place within her husband’s family.
I 31F have been with my husband (Tim)30M for almost 4 years, married almost 2 years. We currently live in a rented home his parents used to live in with his brother (Max) 24M. His parents are now retired in another country and Max stayed behind in the home.
When they left my husband and I moved into the home they were renting. So now in the home it’s the three of us. Max is very much to himself and has always been babied, he is “blunt” aka rude and uncaring of others.
He has no respect for anyone not even his own parents. His parents and Tim did everything for him and he never really learned to do things on his own. Now that his parents left his mom sort of joked at one point that I would need to help..
uhm, no. I’m no one’s maid or mom and he’s a grown man.
At first there were things here and there that bugged me a bit but I asked Tim to mention to his brother that chores would need to be a communal thing at least for the shared spaces; kitchen and bathroom.
I wasn’t asking much just if the trash is full- take it out, clean up after cooking for yourself, after the trash has been picked up bring in the bins, wash your own dishes, if there is a spill clean it, etc etc.
Nothing changed, he would leave the toilet seat up, there would be pee all over the floor around the toilet. One time, I forgot to put a bag in the trash bin and he threw away his sardines in the new trash bin so it smelled bad.
He doesn’t bring in the bins or help clean the bathroom.
Sometimes I would find spilled coffee grounds or rice on the counter. Once he got drunk in his room and threw up everywhere came out to the living room and went to sleep. We found out morning after that he tried to vacuum it up with our brand new vacuum cleaner, it still gives off a nasty smell when you use it and this happened almost a year ago.
Now Max is refusing to close the door after coming home at night. We don’t live in a terrible area but it’s not nice either. Our home has double doors, since I’ve moved in, I have been locking both doors.
We all have keys and the same key opens both doors. Max works late sometimes he comes back at 2am/4am/7am we don’t know his schedule but these are the times he’ll come back. We have a solid door inside and a grate door outside, he will lock the grate door but leaves the solid door open.
I’ve let him know to close and lock the door when he gets in and Tim has also mentioned it to him.
He came home tonight and left the door open. Side note: we also want the door closed cuz our dog has sensitive hearing and will bark at anything and with the solid door closed he doesn’t hear all the outside noises.
Anyways, I msged him again that he needs to close and Lock the door when returning. He replied back “Leave it unlocked for me and I will”. At this point, since my husband hates confrontation, I know he isn’t going to do anything or say anything and I’m tired of feeling like I’m not safe in my own home and not feeling respected.
And anytime I try to talk to Tim about it he thinks I’m attacking him and his family. Or he’ll say “I can’t make him do anything”
I’ve been thinking about leaving, I don’t have a job or savings or a car. I got let go in July and have been looking, my saving that I did have I used for bills. So I feel so trapped, and I love my husband so much but I don’t feel valued or supported.
I wouldn’t have anywhere to go but I’m not sure what to do at this point. Tim also isn’t willing to kick his brother out or have us move due to the economy and our financial circumstances.
Can anyone give advice? Am I in the wrong for wanting to leave? Am I asking for too much in order to have a safe and clean environment not only for me but my family? (Husband and pets)
Conclusion
The story took a turn that no one saw coming, revealing family secrets that challenged everything she thought she knew about her husband and his past. What began as a simple move into a family home transformed into a journey of discovery, testing her patience and resilience. The revelations she uncovered not only changed her perception of her husband but also forced her to confront difficult truths about her own values and boundaries.
In the end, she faced a choice—to embrace the truth and move forward with a greater understanding, or to walk away from a situation that had become more complicated than she had ever anticipated. Her experience highlights the importance of trust and honesty in relationships, especially when historical family secrets threaten to overshadow the present. Although her story is filled with unexpected twists, it ultimately underscores the power of courage and integrity in navigating life’s uncharted waters.
Her journey is a reminder that sometimes, the most surprising discoveries are what shape us the most. Whether you’re facing similar family secrets or just starting a new chapter in life, this story encourages us to stay true to ourselves and face the truth—no matter how uncomfortable it might be. Because in the end, knowledge is power, and understanding is the key to moving forward with confidence.
Here’s how people reacted:
Due to your circumstances, I would start making a get out plan instead of just walking out the door with nowhere to go. I really hope your husband comes through for you though.
Can’t believe he vacuumed up vomit – yuck!
Home is supposed to be a safe place.
Can you move to friends or parents?
You cannot reasonable expected to live like this! This way you’re at least giving him a choice.
– I have told my husband that I am thinking about leaving, I’ve gotten 2 responses. 1. Stop talking nonsense and 2. Well it feels like youve made up your mind about the separation and I can’t stop you.
– He’s told me in the past that he would always pick family. This was before we got married but I truly believe it still stands
– Bills for the most part are split evenly. When I WAS working I paid my portion to most bills but not all. With my savings I’ve paid for my portion of Rent, groceries and my own bills i.e credit card bills.
– Since I’ve lost my job I’m mostly the one that cleans and takes care of the pets. Only thing Tim is in charge of is washing the dog, cleaning the yard, take out the bins and cleaning the bathroom. Max does nothing.
– I do have friend in Oregon that are willing to take me and my cat and lizard in but I just have no way of getting there. And I’ve cut iff my family. No contact for about 3 years now.
Either your husband moves out with you or you leave him.
You’re being taken advantage of and your husband is okay with that.
I’d leave today if possible.
NTA
So:
No, you are so justified.
NTA – and have a happy life
I’d also suggest marriage counseling because you have a big husband problem here.
Are you being taken advantage of, on top of being robbed of your privacy and your peace?
Personally, I’d keep my bedroom and my bathroom neat and tidy. I’d have a pantry, fridge, and hot plate and/or microwave, in my room to use and keep clean for my own meals. Use disposable plates and utensils so you need to use the shared space as little as possible. I’d spray the fuck out of the baseboards and such with a pet safe insect repellent. I’d walk my dogs 3 times a day and let them stay in the clean room with me. And I would let the rest of the house rot while I spent the next few months getting a new bank account, new job in which my husband has no idea how much I make, and create my escape plan and build the money pot to fund that escape.
Or can you just withdraw the money from your marital accounts? You’d get half of what you together earned in the divorce, anyway, so why not take half now to buy a car.
Also, if Max refuses to clean, can’t he be made to pay for a cleaning service?
I am confused. Why did you move in with Max? Was he already in the home? Or did he move in after you guys?
Time to move somewhere else and let baby boy deal with his own shit.
Then go
Get an alarm system and alarm both doors. Your BiL will have to learn to turn off the alarm. And if your husband wakes up when the alarm goes off, maybe he’ll have some things to say to your idiot BIL. That might provide some additional security.
But start planning. Once you have a job, you can get a car. Start thinking about where you would live. Do you have family in the area that can let you stay while you get on your feet? Can you live with a friend? Onceyou have a job, you can get out but you need a plan.
Demand that the two of you go to therapy so he can understand hurt he’s causing you, and the damage he is causing to his marriage.
What is your definition of fixing the problem? Do you believe your husband can cause his brother to change? I don’t.
The only way to save your marriage to move out. If you can’t afford it where you are, find another place with a lower cost of living, and decent job opportunities.
Good luck!
NTA
Right now she constantly saves the day.
When you got married you became your husband’s family and his number one priority. In a perfect world your peace and safety is more important than enabling a brother.
Advice:
Your Husband: Let him know how serious this is and if he can’t choose the marriage over his brother then you can’t stay. Notchoosing what to do is a choice to stay in the situation you are in.
Yourself: You may need to get your life back as well, Work on your CV reach out to everyone you know. Make friends at church so you have someone to talk to and set up a healthy life for yourself you’ll need to take care of yourself even as you go through this whatever happens.
I wish you the best of luck it’s never too late to make a decision.
It’s not appropriate for anyone in your family to expect you to just live like that. It’s terribly disappointing that your husband doesn’t have your back. Is he not just as uncomfortable as you are??? Or does he think his brother’s behavior is not that bad?