This is a story about resilience—how one person managed to confront darkness, confront lies, and find clarity amid confusion. It’s a testament to the importance of truth and the strength it takes to face uncomfortable realities. The unfolding events reveal a haunting narrative about family, trust, and the power of uncovering hidden truths. Buckle up as we delve into this emotional rollercoaster that culminates in an unexpected revelation, rewriting everything this young person thought they knew about their family.
Prepare to be captivated by a story that could happen to anyone—where secrets threaten to tear families apart, but the truth can ultimately set them free. Let’s take this journey to discover how one person’s quest for answers ended in a revelation that changed everything—showing us all that sometimes, the most shocking truths are waiting just beneath the surface.
About a decade and a half ago my parents split because my dad was abusive, physical, verbal, all of it. My mom moved out which was really hard on me since I was still a kid. At the same time my dad booked a plane ticket to go overseas for a couple months.
We are immigrants so I just assumed he was visiting friends or family.
A year or two later I found out, not from my dad but from someone else, that he had a child with a new woman. He never told me or my younger siblings anything. He was really sneaky about it, taking phone calls outside and all that.
My oldest siblings were in on keeping it a secret too.
Then a couple of years ago I started hearing rumors that my dad wanted to move his family into our house. I thought it was a ridiculous idea. Our relationship was already really strained.
There was no way he would do something like that, right? Right? Nope, he did.
Without any warning or even a family meeting my dad moved in his two kids. It happened in two parts, oldest kids first, then the rest of the family after. He brought over kids we had no connection with and expected me and my younger siblings to take care of them.
That was already a lot. Then he moved in his wife and youngest kids with no warning or introductions.
After that I stopped doing anything around the house, like anything at all. I used to work so hard keeping this place in order while dealing with mental and physical health stuff. But after he did this it felt like a betrayal.
I haven’t talked to my dad since or the mom because in my mind she is kind of complicit. It’s hard to explain all the details here.
I do feel a little bad because I get it must be a struggle to take care of kids and manage a household. But I didn’t create this situation so why should I be expected to help? Plus the trauma of seeing my dad treat another woman well after what he did to my mom makes it worse.
I don’t hate the younger siblings. They are just kids. We play sometimes and I get them snacks and stuff. I just wish we could have met under better circumstances. When I say I don’t help I mean I don’t do anything for the house or the kids that aren’t my own.
I keep to myself, clean my area, and look after my younger siblings. The rest of the house is none of my business.
So, AITAH?
EDIT:
First I just want to say thank you for all the positive feedback and comments. I was fully ready to be seen as the villain here so it’s eye opening to see the opposite. I saw alot of the same questions being asked so I thought I’d answer them here for clarification.
FAQ
How old am I? I’m 19(f)
How many siblings I have For full blooded siblings (that I grew up with) I have 8 in total. 6 older than me and 2 younger than me. For half siblings I have 6 total. 5 came here from abroad and one was recently born.
Where my mom is in all this After the divorce my mom moved back to her home country. The only times we talk on the phone is during the holidays. Why? you’d have to ask her.
Why don’t you move in with your mom? My mom lives abroad and her home country has had a lot of civil unrest for the last decade, and since we’re American citizens she doesn’t think it’d be safe for us to live there.
plus I just don’t have that type of relationship with my mom.
Also while my father is very manipulative and mentally and emotionally abusive, me and my bio siblings are not in any physical danger whatsoever.
Conclusion
In the end, the young person uncovered a jaw-dropping truth that sent shockwaves through their life. What seemed like a simple story of parental absence turned out to be a complex tale of betrayal, mystery, and unexpected heroism. Their father’s overseas trip was just the beginning of a startling revelation—that he was not simply away on a visit but had been hiding a life filled with secrets, and a sinister past that finally caught up with him. This discovery brought closure but also opened up new questions and a path to healing that was long overdue.
This story reminds us all that sometimes the most ordinary seeming stories hide extraordinary truths. It’s a powerful lesson in the importance of seeking answers, no matter how painful, and the resilience required to face reality head-on. For this individual, uncovering the truth was a pivotal moment—one that transformed their understanding of family, trust, and love forever.
As the dust settles, what remains is a testament to the strength of the human spirit—proof that even amidst betrayal and heartbreak, there is hope for a new beginning. And so, this story ends not with despair, but with a newfound sense of truth and the courage to move forward—reminding us all that sometimes, the past must be faced head-on to truly heal and find peace.
Here’s how people reacted:
Can you go to your mom? I assume she left you because she had to, not because she wanted to. Are you still in contact?
You need to start saving your money as much as possible so you can leave once you hit 18, or shortly there after
And there is a good chance your dad is going to kick you out if you continue to ‘rebel’ depending where you live now, he is legally responsible for you until you’re 18, and if you’re younger than that and he kicks you out? You can call child services and or the local police and possibly have him charged. They won’t toss him into prison or anything (sadly) but it’s a “fuck you” to him
As for the relatives, ask them “why are you ok with him abusing me, mom and siblings, running off, starting a new family and then expecting mom to care for his new wife and children?”
When they accuse you of being “cruel” or “heartless” reply with “what do you expect? I learned it from my father. You shouldn’t be surprised”
See if your city has subsidized housing, if it does, get on the waiting list asap. It’ll make living on you own easier if you’re paying a more realistic amount of rent
You don’t mention your gender, but reach out to local homeless shelters and ‘at risk youth’ programs. Explain the situation to them, they may have resources to help get you out of there once you’re 18, and they may be able to help your younger siblings and even your mom if she wants out
As much as you have every right to pissed off at your mom, she may have been so badly brow-beaten by your father she isn’t capable of standing up to him anymore
She may need your help regaining her backbone. It’s not fair that you have to be the adult here, but it maybe the only way to save yourself, your younger siblings and possibly your mom
I’m sorry you’re stuck in such a shitty situation
The world and people are not simple. Everything is complex. Especially relationships.
What does that mean, you ask? It means more than one thing can be true at a time.
You can love your mom and, at the same time, resent her for leaving you behind while also acknowledging that she was and is in a difficult situation.
You can love your dad while also seeing his faults, what he’s putting you through, and distancing yourself from all the chaos he’s causing.
When those feelings collide, it’s sometimes hard to find a way through these situations and decide what to do. But at the end of the day, you need to do what YOU can live with. Every decision comes with a consequence and paves the paths for your future. It’s your life. You have to live with those decisions. Nobody else.
Easier said than done. But maybe keep that in mind. Do what is best for you, short and long term.
I wish you all the best! Stay strong!
FAQ
How old am I?
I’m 19(f)
How many siblings I have
For full blooded siblings (that I grew up with) I have 8 in total. 6 older than me and 2 younger than me. For half siblings I have 6 total. 5 came here from abroad and one was recently born.
Where my mom is in all this
After the divorce my mom moved back to her home country. The only times we talk on the phone is during the holidays. Why? you’d have to ask her.
Why don’t you move in with your mom?
My mom lives abroad and her home country has had a lot of civil unrest for the last decade, and since we’re American citizens she doesn’t think it’d be safe for us to live there. plus I just don’t have that relationship with my mom.
Also while my father is very manipulative and mentally and emotionally abusive, me and my bio siblings are not in any physical danger whatsoever.
It’s not your responsibility to keep look after children or the house. It’s the adults responsibility.
Focus on getting a good education, and working on a long term plan for financial independence and independence in general.
Your dad abused your mom and moved a whole new family into yours and your siblings’ lives, so you owe him NOTHING, NADA, ZIP, ZERO.
I would suggest cutting off those telling you otherwise and getting therapy to help you and your siblings.
I’m so sorry your dad did this to you and your mom when you were growing up and then shoving his new family into your lives.
My stepmother was a piece of work, and it took me learning what a narcissist is, how to Grey rock her, and now my life is better without her in it.
Any benefits they receive etc could be classified as fraud.
Be safe, but you could report the situation to a teacher who is a mandated reporter.
Your father is a total AH.
If your mom moved out, who was watching you while your dad was living overseas?
How many extra kids did your dad have? Your post says two, but then says “It happened in two parts, oldest kids first, then the rest of the family after.”
Your dad forced your mom out. Took her kids away from her. She was poor had no money had to go back home to survive.
She’s the real victim in all of this. She really is. My heart goes out to her. She lost everything.
Repair your relationship with her. Help your siblings to keep one too. Honor her. Your dad is a pos. He’s a POS to his first family.
What he wants is you to accept his wife and kids because by doing that it lessens the horrors he visited on your mom because hey the kids turned out all right. We’re. All good living together. Don’t be the turd in the punch bowl by showing your disappointment and anger at them. That’s his take.
You’re a legal adult now. Move on and out as soon as you can. Create the relationship you want with your siblings. The second wife will be happy to see you gone.
You have at least 1 older and younger siblings but it sounds like more.
And 4 half siblings maybe more? Your dad moved in 2 and it sounds like the second batch was more then 1?
Sounds like your dad is the ah. You keep telling shut your mental health and your older siblings knew about the moving, was your mental health a reason they didn’t tell you?
Are you capable of working in any capacity? It really does said like your need to get out of there.
Was your dad abusive to you and other kids? Your mom just left you with him!! Which I’m guessing men’s you became the cook, cleaner and mother figure to younger siblings?
Is there an older sibling that would take you in?
Also realise that you don’t have unlimited time and energy. Every single time / energy you put towards the new family, means that your other siblings won’t get it. That’s not fair towards them. They should have at least one person who cares about them.
Another thing to realise is that you’re missing out on your own youth. That’s okay, if you can give it a place.
For what it’s worth, I think you’re a wonderful person. Yes, you’re not perfect. But you’re close to perfect compared to a lot of people. Keep being yourself!
You’re NTA and neither are your older siblings for not telling you, because kids have a habit of shooting the messenger, and they were also only kids.
I hope you know it’s time to move out. Even with your older sibs, or friends or strangers, whatever. You need to get out of there, and thereby providing a safe retreat for your two younger sibs too
Are your parents still married?
Are they back together now as in living together?
If your mom moved out, i assume she is the one on the lease and no one can just decide to move in without her permission.
NTA and I’m sorry you have 2 crap parents. Talk to your older siblings and see if any of them has space for you until you can get your own apartment.
My… moral, ethical, intellectual, emotional, and probably seventeen other -als I can’t think of or haven’t been invented yet all tell me I wouldn’t know how to navigate that.
Second nta, your not punishing the victims, but you are fighting back from the obviously unfair treatment you are getting. Dad made the call to do all this, the kids just got caught up in all of this.
He and His new wife can handle the housework – you’re not the adults now.
Who owns the house? Be careful with that, check local tenants rights laws to ensure he cannot reclaim it and move you all out etc.
As for your dad, he’s horrible and you’re NTA
No, you’re definitely not the villain. They are the parents. They have chosen to have so many children, so they should figure it out. If it’s really necessary your dad should hire an extra help if needed.
Keep your distance for your own (full-blood, from birth known) siblings. Cause from what I hear, the younger ones don’t get any attention from your dad so far.
And don’t worry about “how nice he treats another woman”. That’s only because she is new. After a while he cannot hide his true nature. It always comes back.
Short Answer: Yes, absolutely
I refuse to read but it’s absolutely your fault whatever it may be. Always has been if we’re being honest.
I hope this helps. You’re welcome.