In a world where traditional roles and financial arrangements are often debated, this couple’s story provides a fresh perspective. He takes on most household chores, ensuring she can focus on her demanding job, illustrating a partnership built on support and understanding. Yet, amid this harmony, questions linger about boundaries, expectations, and future commitments—especially as they navigate their respective ambitions and finances.
As readers dive into their journey, they might wonder: Is this arrangement sustainable? Could it lead to unforeseen challenges? Or does their story inspire a new way of thinking about love, work, and shared responsibilities? Let’s explore how their story unfolds, revealing the surprises and lessons that lie beneath their seemingly perfect life.
I (32M) work from home making over $100k/year. My fiancée (30F) is a doctor earning around $150k–$200k. We live in *my* house. Since she’s saving for her residency, I’ve never asked her to pay rent, utilities, or groceries.
I handle most household chores because I know her job is demanding. I cook for her, make sure her bed’s ready, and basically try to make home a place where she can rest without worrying about money or chores.
Recently, I found out she treats her coworkers every single day. She admits she’s a people pleaser, so I let it slide at first. But it hit me if she can be that generous with other people, why does it feel like everything she does for me comes with conditions or strings attached?
Example: I asked her to turn off the lights once because our electric bill hit $1,000 (about $200 USD). She angrily handed me $40 for electricity the *only* time she’s ever chipped in for bills, even though I pay about $800–$1,000/month.
She’s complained about the cost of rides from my place to work, but even with that, she saves more living here than renting her own place. One day she had the day off and actually slept well.
I asked her to wash the dishes. She got mad and called her mom to join the argument something I’ve told her before is a dealbreaker. This wasn’t the first time she’s dragged her family into our disagreements.
Today we argued again when she was telling me (cheerfully) how she regularly buys her coworkers food and coffee. I told her it hurts that she’s so generous to them but keeps score when it comes to me.
She tracks everything she gives me but not what she gives them.
In the heat of the moment, I said, “If this is how it’s going to be, just move out.” I know that was harsh, but I’m feeling unappreciated and like we’re not really partners more like I’m a live-in support system while she gives her best to other people.
AITA for saying that? Or am I just being overly sensitive and not understanding how stressful her job is?
Conclusion
In the end, their story proves that love and support can thrive even in unconventional arrangements. As she reaches the milestone of her residency and they navigate financial and personal growth, they discover the importance of communication, boundaries, and shared dreams. What started as a simple act of generosity and understanding transforms into a testament to modern relationships—where roles are flexible, and support is paramount.
Their journey shows us that success isn’t just about money or career titles; it’s about adaptability, compassion, and building a foundation that can withstand life’s uncertainties. As they step into the next chapter together, their story reminds us that sometimes, breaking the mold can lead to the most fulfilling partnerships.
For anyone wondering how life can surprise even the most well-planned arrangements, this couple’s experience offers a glimpse into the evolving landscape of modern relationships—where love, ambition, and understanding create a story worth telling.
Here’s how people reacted:
The very fact that she goes as far as to call her mother to gang on you for some dishes is very telling, are you sure you want to marry into this?
Stick to your original thought. Kick her out! NTA
Find a partner that won’t hesitate to pamper you and appreciate that you pamper them.
NTA
You are A FREE ELF!!! Go thrive in her absence!
If she’s earning that kind of money (more than you) she can pay her way. She doesn’t have to because you are a generous door mat who is happy for her to wipe her feet on you when she walks past.
If you have got frustrated enough to say the words follow through. This is your life and it’s only going to get worse as time goes on.
Time to find someone who is on the same page as you financially. You aren’t an ATM.
She treats you like a doormat and a roommate who she can take advantage of.
If she is treating her co-workers better than she is treating you, her fiancé, then it might be time to re-evaluate this relationship.
It’s telling that You had to ask her to do the dishes!
& She called her mummy about being asked to do the dishes 😭 I hope her mommy told her to grow up!
You any to marry this person???? She be taking the p!ss out of you BIIIIIIG TIME
Oh wait, we still are.
She has treated you like shit the whole time and you have put up with it. She is using you. There’s a good chance that once her residency is over she’ll marry another doctor anyway.
You already told us that she did something that was a “dealbreaker” for you – and yet it clearly didn’t break the deal???
She’s gotten complacent and forgotten to appreciate you as a person, it happens sometimes.
What would her reaction be if you lost your job? Would she balk at having to contribute? Would she move back home?
Dragging mommy into her relationship arguments shows a sign of immaturity. Her mother wanting to get involved is even worse. Her mother can listen and provide advice but to actively participate is just wrong.
If she is so concerned about saving for her residency, she shouldn’t be treating her coworkers. It’s fine that she’s a people pleaser, but you are a people too. It sounds more like she is buying their affection at the expense of your relationship.
Tell her to go…
She needed to go for sometime now. I’m gobsmacked that she pays nothing when she’s earning a significant wage which is actually higher than yours added to that she doesn’t do any chores either to the point she calls her Mum complaining when you asked if she’d do the dishes ONCE.
Good riddance to bad rubbish – sorry OP she doesn’t care about you she just wants a free ride and you have obliged. Thank goodness you saw sense and put your foot down. You’ll start to save money now- that’s a win.
Bro don’t let yourself get taken advantage of like this. She’s not practicing medicine she’s digging for gold
Congrats on growing a spine though! First off, make her pay rent (market rent for 50% of the property)! Then she should contribute 50:50 to everything else. Only then will you see if she actually want you or just wants you to be her Beta Provider!
She’s never going to treat you well or do her share around the house or contribute financially.
Can’t imagine how much will land on you if you had kids.
Call it off. She does more for other people because she likes having people see her as generous. But she doesn’t mind showing you her true self, because you don’t matter to her.
I’m sorry for the hurt she’s causing you, OP. You deserve better than this. Break up with her.
Saving for residency?
She is in residency, correct? Meaning she passed and graduated medical school and is working in her residency as a MD?
Does she even like you?
I don’t understand how else a man’s mind could be so boggled that he puts up with this…
Please do not fall for her love bombing. Be sure that you want something different. Why is she a people pleaser only to those at work but not you?
Definitely not marriage material, if nothing else.
You have an argument and instead of defending her own position she just makes it 2v1 so majority rules and your input gets overruled. She throws a hissy over a tiny sum of money so it wont be worth the hassle next time and you just learn to eat the costs rather than suffer her punishments. She complains about the free accommodation you provide to diminish it and make you feel like you should be doing more so that you can never feel like you are owed anything.
You are engaged to a narcissist. You should escape before you get hooked worse.
Stop being a doormat.
You need to ask yourself what you’re getting out of this relationship. What does she contribute emotionally, physically and financially? You deserve an equal partner.
Time to break the deal. Follow through or she will continue to take advantage of you.
OP, now expect to be lovebombed and emotionally manipulated to get back together. It looks like she does not value you as high as her coworkers. She may see you as a free ride while she’s in her “poor” phase. I’d think that it’s likely that you guys would break up once she gets a job after her residency is over.
Also, why the heck is her mom being pulled into arguments??? The fact she won’t even do dishes is astonishing! There are so many red flags here!!!
NTA, unless you stay and let her continue to walk all over you!
She’s for the streets. byeeeeeeee.
She, however, is not perfect. You can and should find someone who makes your world better.
He gave her an ultimatum to shake up and she said she would cuz she saw her free ride going away but she didn’t change and a month later he kicked her out & she told ppl he was a controlling asshole.
This sounds eerily similar to ur situation.
Your fiancee is a massive AH dude, and it sounds like she doesn’t even care about you. Cracking the sads over dishes, seriously? Lol
We all saw it coming, but couldn’t say anything. He loved her so much. She just used him and then tossed him away.
Imagine, if you had a child. And that child grew up and had a relationship just like the one you’re in now. Be real with yourself: would you want that for them? Now go and give yourself the same advice you’d give your imaginary child.
I’ve heard that the med student’s gf is never the doctor’s wife…
Dump this woman as fast as you can.
She’s the type to tell you “*relationships are 90/10. You give 90 and expect 10 in return”.*
And one day you’ll wake up looking at her wondering “*when the fuck are you going to be giving your 10?”*
NTA.
Curious though, you kicked her out of your home, but are still going to marry her? You do realize this will be how the rest of your life will be, right?
Kick her to the curb, she obviously makes enough money to support herself.
* Treats everyone generously but keeps score with you
* Gave you $40 to handle a bill as if money handles everything
* Tags her mom into a fight over doing some dishes
* Lives rent free there and doesn’t contribute despite earning more
I wouldn’t want to marry into such a toxic family. Regardless of how stressful her job is, she obviously sees her coworkers as higher priority than you. Break the engagement, and cut contact
Placing friends or co-workers ahead of you, her fiancée, is the first red flag. That will only worsen after marriage.
She makes 33% more than you do. Her not contributing financially to paying any bills, then becoming upset when you voice your displeasure about her bragging how she treats her co-workers to meals, but nothing for you or at home is the second red flag.
Her dragging her mother into your disagreements is red flag number three.
There are other redflags.
She obviously does not respect you very much, if at all.
Sounds to me like you have allowed her to take advantage of you for so long, that now any resistance from you is met with contempt.
Read the tea leaves. Tread slowly with this relationship. If not, you will be deeply sorry, later.
It you two live together because you want to love, support, and celebrate each other, then you need to be a team. After reading your post, it seems like you two are roommates, but don’t even share costs. If it’s her place, she needs to contribute both monetarily as well as in domestic tasks.
I hate to say this, but it doesn’t seem like your fiancé is a fiancé, and rather is someone who is living off of you. NTA.
Story time so you can see the bad road you’re on:
He kept demanding that I make more & more, so he could go on international “work” trips without me! He quit even bothering to open/work at the art gallery he wanted to run (that I was funding, on top of funding my own business), and it still wasn’t enough. He started getting mad if I asked him to try to find some ways to make money & pitch in. I started working 16- 18 hour days, 7 days a week, for about 4 years to try to make all the ends meet, and even that wasn’t enough. He would rage if I told him we needed to stick to a budget, and he’d threaten to sell our house and move us back where we grew up (a nightmare place. He knew it was a threat I’d scramble to avoid). Then he started cheating on me. Unsure how many times, but he made a point to call one girl in front of me, to tell her he was in love with her.
At this point, I was completely burnt out, physically sick from all the stress & overworking. I got used up & thrown away. I am divorced now, and dealing with autoimmune disorders that all this caused. (and I’ll never date again. I’m finally happy and at peace)
Don’t be like me. Get out NOW!
She’s been taking you for granted. Maybe she’s with you just for the convenience (free rent AND no household chores! Can’t beat that deal!!!) and this will be the end of the relationship. Or maybe she hasn’t realized how much she’s taken you for granted (that is a pretty common feature taking people for granted – you don’t notice) and this is the wake up call she needed to change her ways.